[Best of] Week 23.34 Your Present Life

At the beginning of 2021, Bill Carrier and Rob Nail came up with a new idea for our group to help members get to know each other better. We called it 100 Coaches Connect, and the plan was simple. They put people into groups of 8, and then they would meet for ten weeks. The first week was the introductory week, and then each week a different member told their story and got feedback from the group. Over 100 people signed up, and the comments have been very good. I am an enthusiastic supporter of the project and have enjoyed learning more about fellow members. People I already knew, I got to know better. Then, it was my turn. It turns out that there was one more person in the group that I didn't know as well as I thought, me! Part of the reason was I had never put my story together and presented it to a group of friendly, familiar people. Here is the process I used; each step was highly impactful for me. 

What's My Story?

The first step was to figure out the story I wanted to tell. I thought this would be easy until I realized that usually, we are telling only part of our story, depending on the audience. There are really no moments that I can recall when I was offered the opportunity to tell the story of me, the way I want to tell it. Questions like "who am I?" and "how do I want to be perceived?" jockeyed for position. Do I want to posture or be vulnerable? There was no reason for me to want to impress this group, everyone had joined to learn about each other without judgment. In the end, I decided to try to tell the story that presented the most authentic view that I can tell of myself. One of my favorite sayings is "the jam can't read the label on the jar" so I was well aware that there were limitations on how accurate and complete the story could be, but that is the nature of our condition. I also decided that while I wanted to present a balanced story, I would also leave out some of the times I was less proud of. 

What do I need to tell it? 

The second step was to decide what I wanted to include. Our meetings are 75 mins with a 15-minute warm-up and then 60 minutes focused on the person. I decided that I wanted to present for no more than 20 minutes so that there was plenty of time for feedback and discussion. So I started to very carefully select the times in my life, the people I cared about, seminal events, and key accomplishments. There were entire areas that I left out completely that I knew mattered deeply to me, but in the interests of time, I just would never be able to do justice to. My first career was as a professional photographer so I had a lot of images to choose from. I put them together in a PowerPoint presentation, sometimes with a single image on a slide, other times with a montage of more. The process became a time to reflect on what I was most proud of, and what I valued the most. I thought of each slide as representing a major life event. When I was done, I realized that even with all of my editing, it would take me 45 mins to present. It was time to edit out instead of in.

What can I let go of?

In the movie, Up In The Air, starring Anna Kendrick and George Clooney, Clooney gives a speech called "What's In Your Backpack?" about letting go of things that are weighing you down. The process of editing my lifestory was just the opposite, I needed to let go of things that were lifting me up. The first company I started... out. The second page (and I really had wanted a third) about life in Paris... gone. My spiritual journey... not this time. If the process of picking the things I wanted to include was difficult, this was even harder. Like all good editing processes, it forced me to focus on what really matters. To me. Right now. The final presentation was a collection of the people and the experiences that I chose to define me as of today. The process of introspection and determine what in my life was most defining of who am was very illuminating and gave me fresh insights into my next choices.

What's Next?

Almost as an afterthought, the last slide was a simple text slide with a few bullets about what I would like to accomplish in the next 3 years. In the context of the rest of the presentation, I have to confess that I didn't give this as much thought. In the context of presenting, this slide became the jumping-off point for an amazingly insightful, supportive, and unexpected conversation by the group of what they had heard my present and what it meant in the context of the last slide. At the end of the session, I had clarity and appreciation for the life I have lived, what I have accomplished, and how I perceive myself. It was unexpected, invigorating, and has given me clarity that will help me more clearly make decisions going forward. 

We are planning to do 100 Coaches Connect again with new groups. Initially, I had thought it would be boring presenting my story again. I have come to understand that the process of presenting your life is an active one, that is always in flux. I am looking forward to the quarterly process of reevaluation and observing which priorities change. I thought the task was to present my life, I learned my life is a present. If you have the opportunity, please try this and leave comments about your experience. 

CODA: After over two years, the program continues to be an outstanding success. If have since piloted the program with my alumni group and the results with this very different group have been equally exceptional. The Connect concept affords people the opportunity to be heard, share their story, and be vulnerable in a safe environment. It creates community and connection, which is as important now as it was during the pandemic.

Slowing Down Time by Ayse (Eye-Shay) Birsel

As the end of summer looms, I can't help but feel a familiar nostalgia, a sentiment encapsulated in an article I wrote for INC.com. In it, I delved into the intriguing science of time perception. New experiences, like those during a vacation, slow down our sense of time, a phenomenon Claudia Hammond refers to as the "holiday paradox." Conversely, high-adrenaline situations, be it extreme sports or near-death experiences, elongate our perception, a topic David Eagleman has extensively studied. In such moments, our senses are heightened, making us feel as if we've lived more in a condensed timeframe.

The concept of "flow," introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, represents those instances when challenges align with our skills, causing us to lose track of time. Meanwhile, routines, familiar and repetitive, seem to speed it up, a principle harnessed by companies like Amazon in their user experience designs. Reflecting on this article from 2018, it's evident how quickly life evolves. From my intern, Meltem Parlak, ascending the professional ladder to witnessing personal milestones like sending my daughters to college, time indeed has its unique rhythm.

Connected To Goodness by David Meltzer

In "Connected to Goodness: Manifest Everything You Desire," David Meltzer presents a transformative guide that interweaves life and business principles. There are seven interconnected principles that are applicable to our lives in general and just as relevant to more specific pursuits such as business. Four key elements support each principle. The goal is to create an energy that scales itself by generating its own like-kind energy. Ultimately, we want to not only put things out into the universe in a certain way that will come back to us twofold but also where what we empower creates a similar energy. We can manifest things individually, but if we scale or empower others and create collective energy, we can manifest things on a global scale. The most successful businesses thrive by putting energy out there in a specific way, creating additional salespeople because of the power they've provided. Companies like Apple exceed expectations and have been able to thrive utilizing the scalability of this concept. Connected to Goodness provides the knowledge for life and business to enable you to thrive.

Lessons from a Snow Globe by Srikumar Rao

Have you ever compared your life to a snow globe? When still, it offers a picturesque, calming sight, but with a single shake, chaos ensues and clarity is lost. Much like life, sometimes what we perceive as ideal can be an illusion. Drawing from Mark Twain's wisdom, I embarked on a journey, which took me from the bustling streets of Columbia to the executive suites of an entertainment conglomerate. Along the way, I encountered an old friend who embodied a life of fervor and glamor. Her lifestyle seemed like the epitome of success and fulfillment.

However, as years passed, a contrasting picture emerged from the quiet lives of my uncle and aunt, who chose simplicity and contentment over worldliness. Their serenity stood in stark contrast to the whirlwind of events that marked my days. What seemed initially like a confined existence turned out to be a beacon of genuine peace. I recognized the pitfalls of incessantly chasing after fleeting pleasures, akin to the unending swirl of a shaken snow globe. Our pursuits, no matter how grand, can often be mere distractions that prevent our minds from finding true tranquility. It begs the question: How often do we unknowingly shake our snow globes, and what would it take to let the snow settle, finding clarity and peace amidst the chaos?

With love, gratitude and wonder. Scott