Be a Better Manager. Three Skills You Need.

Six months out of college I was put in charge of a 12 person team at a $15 million dollar company. One year after that, at the age of 24, I was put in charge of a single location doing roughly $5 mil a year and had 30 people in my charge. The company was growing like crazy, and in two years we were at $30mil.

I eventually left and came here to the company my grandfather started in 1971. We were $14 million, and now we are roughly $50 million.

Since college everywhere I've worked has grown like crazy. This has put me in some pretty intense situations. I have failed so many times, said stupid things, overreacted, communicated ineffectively, etc. The point is I've learned a lot through those failures.

I wanted to share three crucial management skills that I've learned over last 17 years. I think all three will help move you forward in your management career, if you put them to use.

These three skills will help you create trust. They will help you earn respect. They will create better results.

1. Address conflict situations ASAP

As manager, you have to set the standards.

You will have employees who show up late, gossip, ignore / not uphold these standards. When this happens, nip them in the bud immediately.

Yes, employees can be late - things happen. But if the same employee is always late, even 5 minutes, you've got decision to make. Do you say something right now or do you let it pass? Here's the thing I've learned - five minutes will turn into ten minutes. Then ten minutes will turn into fifteen minutes. It will get worse before it gets any better and all the time in between the rest of the staff is having to make up for that person being late all the time.

They start to resent you the manager for not saying anything and they start resenting the employee for making their job harder.

This goes with anything. Dress code. The standard used to package a shipment. The way we answer the phone when a customer calls.

It is very easy for new managers to gloss over these tiny infractions, thinking they aren't a big deal. They are. If not addressed immediately they will balloon.

Great managers do not shy away from conflict. Hard conversations (with kindness) is the job!! This is literally the most important function of a manager. Because (again) it is your primary job to create and uphold standard.. This means the second people do not adhere to those standards you must enter the danger and kindly address it.

Another thing guys, as manager you cannot be worried about being liked. Management is not a popularity contest. And if you are afraid to say what needs to be said then you are abdicating your job as manager.

They will like you and they will respect you for holding up those standards. Employees want accountability. They need accountability. It will come, with time.

One more thing here that's very important.

There is a difference between being nice and being kind.

Don't be nice. Being nice appeases you, and others, in the moment.

Instead be kind. Kindness is having the difficult conversation - because it builds a stronger relationship long term, and it helps the person improve.

Not giving difficult feedback because it might "hurt their feelings" is nice. Great managers aren't nice, but they are kind. Know the difference.

I'll leave you with one of the most true statements I've ever heard.

Nothing will kill a great employee faster than watching you tolerate a bad one.

2. Identify when you are in a highly emotional situation- and GIVE SPACE

Business can get intense. And when it does emotions fly high. Things will happen to make us very angry, sad, happy, etc. The best managers out there are able to identify when their emotions are sparked, and they pause - allowing for space between the spark and the reaction.

I made so many mistakes in my past because I wouldn't hold my tongue. I would be angry because something happened and I'd be quick to spout off - no filter - just letting whatever come out. I hurt people. I lost trust. I lost respect. I made dumb decisions.

Yes, its okay to be emotional - passion and enthusiasm are great things. But over the years I have learned to stop when emotions are high - and PAUSE. Give myself space. To think. To collect my thoughts. To chill out.

One area that I have much improved over the years. The email response. You know the situation, you get an email and you want to write back and your emotions are sparked. You're pissed as hell.

Don't send that email.

Give yourself a night of sleep. Just relax. Give it 24 hours or so. In most cases it can wait, no one is going to die. And by waiting you gain perspective, the emotions simmer, and you are able to come back with a much better response. One that you will be proud of.

** I am coming back after the fact and adding this. It also applies to the text response. Same thing, but now days we do so much with text as well. I just don't respond. Do not feel like you have to respond because it is a text. Just don't. Wait a day, and then text!

I want to end this section with a funny quip.

So, I am a huge Seinfeld fan. And there is this famous scene in Season 6 of the episode called "The Secretary." George gets a secretary, saying he will go for efficiency and smarts rather than beauty. He hires a librarian-esque woman, only to find himself falling in love with her. Well, they have sex in his office and enter scene the next morning at the coffee shop with Jerry:

Jerry Seinfeld : So you're having sex and then all of a sudden, you just blurt out "I'm giving you a raise?"

George Costanza : Yeah.

Jerry Seinfeld : Just a quick sidebar here. Are you, in any way, authorized to give raises?

George Costanza : Not that I'm aware of, no.

Jerry Seinfeld : So you're so grateful to have sex that you'll just shout out anything that comes into your head.

George Costanza : I didn't think ahead.

Jerry Seinfeld : Well, maybe she'll just think it was bawdy talk.

George Costanza : I didn't say any other bawdy things.

Jerry Seinfeld : Maybe you could have sex with her again and take it back.

Too funny. lol.

If only George would have paused.

3. Effective 1 on 1's

Great managers prioritize their 1 on 1's.

I know every management book on the planet talks about 1 on 1's. But most managers do it all wrong. They make it too formal and stiff. They go through the motions on this stuff because they "have to." That's a horrible attitude.

Amazing 1 on 1's will impact your people and the results more than anything.

So prioritize them and get serious about their impact.

Lets define a good 1 on 1.

First, effective 1 on 1's are not formal. They are not a performance review. There are no official forms. It is a conversation. This means a "back and forth." It's not you talking at them. It's both of you having a great conversation as manager and employee.

Some tips:

·         Schedule the conversation well in advance

·         The point is substance (face to face, open & honest dialogue) not the gesture

·         It is not a performance review

·         60+ minutes in length

·         You can bring unique notes – not a prefabricated document or questions

·         The conversation is centered around core values and their performance (their role)

·         Offsite is best. Conference room is fine – meet at a neutral site. (not your office)

·         The dialogue is a two-way street

·         Take notes in order to be prepared for the convo – not document the convo

Start with talking about "what's working." What are they smashing? This gives you a great opportunity to really dole out the compliments. More is better here. Remember, money is essential but the reason people love their job is because they have a boss who encourages them often. This gives you a great opportunity to do just that.

After that, have some good honest dialogue about some stuff they can improve on. Healthy feedback is a great thing. High achievers want to know how they can improve.

Next, get closer to them. Ask them, " What is your biggest fear right now?" Really try and tap into their role and what may not be working. "If you were to hand in your resignation right now, what would be the biggest reason?"

This gives you a great opportunity to hear stuff about their job that you could improve.

After this, we want to get into personal development.

I love this question - "What goals do you have in the next 12 months?" - then follow with this:

1. What are you doing to get there?
2. What can the company do to help you?

Great managers help their people achieve personal goals. Maybe they want to get out of their apartment. Maybe they want to run a marathon. Maybe they are planning to get engaged soon. You want to know these things - great managers help their people achieve their personal goals.

Finally, get some feedback. Ask questions like " What part of my leadership do you wish you could change? I also love this question - "what part of our culture do you wish you could change?"

When they talk - really listen. Its hard for some people to speak up. And make sure you take their feedback seriously, and make it a point to work on it.

Remember, this isn't a one way street. Great managers always want to improve. They are thirsty for feedback - it helps them improve and it helps their team get healthier.

I'm going to summarize here with numbers to make it easier to remember this:

1. What's' working? (praise)
2. What's your biggest fear right now? (get close) (what's not working)
3. What goals do you have in the next 12 months? (personal development)
4. What part of my leadership do you wish you could change? (feedback)

Remember that its an honor to manage and lead. Great managers are the life blood to an organization.

Great managers create healthy environments where employees are known, appreciated, and know exactly why their work matters. They are encouraged to speak up and they are empowered to make critical decisions on their own.

We owe it to our people to continue getting better. Just like we ask them to get better at their role, we must continue to become better managers.

Use these three skills. They work!

Love you guys!