Beware The Lazy Referral

I’m frustrated. No. I’m angry. Three times last week, I allowed myself to get sucked into meetings with people simply because they were referred to me.

Now, I know what you are thinking:

“How ungrateful can Dave be? People referred him to their friends/connections, and he’s saying this made him angry.”

Yes. That’s EXACTLY what I’m saying.

And here’s why:

These three “referrals” were a terrible fit for me. The people sending them just made an email introduction without checking with me first to see if it made sense to connect us. The email was sent, I was copied along with the other person, and now I’m stuck. If I say “no,” the referring person looks like a jerk, and I look ungrateful.

This is what I call a LAZY REFERRAL.

The referring party fires off an email and pats themselves on the back.

Meanwhile, the person being referred is hopeful, and the person receiving the referral feels obligated to take the meeting even if it is not a good fit.

So, what is the proper way to pass a referral?

Here are three steps that have served me (and my clients) well for the past 30 years.

Step one: Ask both parties if they want to meet the other person. Give a description of each person’s business, work style, and some background information.

If both people agree to a meeting, you can make the introduction. If either party doesn’t want the connection, you just don’t make it.

Step two: Make the connection to the receiver the way they WANT TO RECEIVE it. This is critical. Don’t send an email simply because it is easy for you. If the person to whom you are sending the referral doesn’t want an email, you’re not setting either person up for success.

Why does it matter? Why should you care about how the receiver wants to get referrals? More on that in a second.

(I personally hate email introductions. I’d rather have you connect me on the telephone with the other party, and I will schedule a Zoom meeting or an in-person meeting with them. It’s a brief telephone call for you. No time writing and proofing an email. No flowery language to flatter both parties. Just call me and conference the other person in after you’ve set everything up.)

Step three: Check with both parties to see if they connected.

I know this is more work compared to firing off an email and going on with the rest of your day. But there is an incentive for you to do this.

People refer business to you the way you refer business to them.

Let me say that a different way: The way you give is the way people will give to you. Each time you pass a referral, you are training two people to give you referrals.

Do a great job, and you impress people, and you’ll get impressive referrals back, in a thoughtful and focused way.

Do a half-hearted job, and you’ll receive bad referrals delivered badly.

If you want crappy introductions, then fine, keep sending your mindless emails with bios you copied directly from a website.

If you want high-quality referrals, to people who are qualified to work with you, then you MUST take the time and go the extra mile in your referral process.

How do you like to receive referrals? Hit reply and let me know.

Do You Work With High Net Worth Clients? Would You Like To?

Please join Harry Cendrowski and me as we host an education and networking group for people who work with High-Net-Worth individuals and Family Offices. We meet once each month, and you can join us as my guest (there is no fee, and no salesperson will call). 

Here is a link to register:

https://iaba.education/event-5002661

Don’t miss this!