Beyond the Brochure: Understanding University Influences

Helping Teens Make Informed Decisions About Higher Education

Welcome back, parents, counselors, and fellow educators. Today I'm going to talk about external and internal influences our kids face when choosing a university. My goal is to share some of my experiences, insights, and practical tips that you can use right away to open up a dialogue with your kids about the decision process. In later newsletters, I'll talk about many of the factors to consider, but before we look at those, we should start with a clean slate by addressing and clearing away any preconceived notions that they (and we) might have.

First, let's convey to the kids that this genuinely is the most important decision of their young lives. I'll talk about just a few of the factors that can be influenced by university choice.

Second, let's make them aware of some of the pitfalls to avoid. While making mistakes is a part of life, learning to be aware of some of the influences (both positive and negative) can help guide them to the right choice.

If I may, before I begin...

I received a few messages asking me why I am called "The Grumpy Professor" and why I am writing this newsletter. Well, the first question is easy -- that's what the kids have been calling me for, well, let's just say a very long time. But my grumpiness comes from a place of care and a place of frustration, seeing talented, brilliant students taking paths that are just wrong, paths laden with avoidable mistakes and unnecessary struggles. Seeing good kids making bad choices -- that makes me grumpy.

As far as the newsletter is concerned...

I've been a Professor and Administrator for a very long time, and I've nearly seen it all – the victories, the stumbles, and everything in between. I've been there myself and I've made the same decisions. I had my share of great choices and more than my fair share of ones I wish I could redo. I've been sharing these experiences lately around the world, giving free workshops to secondary school kids (and their parents) on how to select the right university and how to make the most out of their time at uni.

Sometimes I get emails from parents and counselors asking if I could meet with a kid individually or share the presentations... and both of those are difficult. I just don't have the time or energy to meet with individual kids and the presentation simply doesn't make sense without me being there to do the workshop. So, it got me thinking. Maybe I could share some of the insights I've picked up along the way? And maybe, together, you, my loyal readers, and I can give these bright students a little nudge in the right direction? Hopefully, we can help prevent a few missteps together.

So that's what this is all about. It's me, sharing the good and the bad – the stuff that matters – so our kids can make choices that really fit who they are and where they want to go. It's not just about getting through school; it's about setting them up for the life they want afterward. I hope that every newsletter I write will help you find something you can use to click with your kids... Something that steers them a little bit closer to where they truly want to be. And hey, if we can help them sidestep a few blunders that we made along the way, even better, right?

The Most Important Decision of Their Young Lives

So let’s dive straight into this. Our kids are there, standing at this massive crossroads in their lives — choosing a university. When I was a kid, I didn't realize how huge of a deal it really is. It's not just a school — it’s like being handed the steering wheel to their future, plotting the course on their life map. For them, it feels exhilarating but it can be daunting. Our first responsibility is to make them realize the importance of this decision. Right now they are the main character in their own adventure movie, and the entire world’s got their popcorn out, watching their every move!

Let the kids know that the choice they’re making is not just about the next three or four years of their life. It’s the launchpad where they will rocket from childhood into a world of potential, obstacles, and responsibilities, and opportunities. By the way, this is one reason why I'm so happy to see that University Counselors are becoming Future Pathways Counselors (or Coordinators). I just wish more parents would see themselves that way too.

Think of this choosing a university as:

• The Big Career Move: It’s the toolkit to assemble their professional journey; the information, the exercises, the lessons — it’s all part of their gear. So whether they get a specific skill set, broad-based knowledge, hands-on experience, or a combination of all of those, that's what sets them up for their careers.
• Shaping Their Perspective: We as parents and educators have shaped these young lives as best we could. But university is the workshop where worldviews are crafted, where their professor, peers, and encounters help assemble the mosaic of their experiences which form the solidified outlook on life.
• Building Their Network: University is more than just friendships — it's a lifetime of weaving connections, and establishing the foundations of your personal and professional world. Don't believe me? Just scroll back up and look at that photo of Alibek. And if you still don't believe me, ask him. He better have liked this newsletter! I'm watching 👀.
• Starting a Family: How many of us met our significant others at university? Or at a club, job, or other function because of the university we attended? Think about that for a moment. If you didn't go to the school you did, would you have even directly or indirectly met that special someone? (If I didn't go to my school, I never would have met the love of my life, and my two girls wouldn't be here -- I can't even imagine a life without them.)

These are just a few of the factors that the choice of university can have. Although to be honest, it would be impossible to even start to think about everything that can be influenced by this decision. The important takeaway is to give this process the time and effort it needs and deserves.

Avoiding the Pitfalls of the Wrong Factors

I can't tell you how many times I’ve seen bright minds mess up their university choice for all the wrong reasons. I’ve seen students plunge headfirst into decisions, getting swayed by fleeting whims, trends, or other people’s expectations. And often, when I ask them why they chose a certain university, all they can say is, "I dunno." Let's put a stop to that.

The choice of university they make needs to be thoroughly thought out (including fully discussed with parents and counselors), and most importantly, it needs to be their own, free from undue influence. I'll talk about two different categories of influence and a few examples of each. Just know, there are many more, and this is a major reason why this decision is so difficult. But don't worry: I'll spend future newsletters talking about the factors that should be considered.

The Echo Influencers 

We've all heard them already — those “Echo Influencers” — who reverberate from the walls of expectation and tradition. These first factors talk about the external pressures and often unspoken persuasions that can echo powerfully in our decision-making process. These often are not our own thoughts and dreams bouncing back at us, but the amplifications of others' wishes and the whisperings of societal norms. It’s important to teach our kids to listen to the voices of experience, but remind them (and ourselves) that this is their journey… their future, so they need to learn to filter through all the noise (and that noise includes me) and find their own voice. 

• The Parent Trap: Sometimes kids choose a place because it’s where their parents want them to go—this is one of the most common reasons someone picks a certain university. It’s often about legacy, pride, or sometimes, let’s be honest, parents living out their dreams through their kids. And for the kids, it might seem like the easiest path to picking a school to avoid an argument with us, even if it doesn’t align with their wishes. If you are suggesting a certain university, help them understand why you're recommending it and what the benefits are. And if you can't fully express what those benefits are, then you need to rethink your suggestion. It doesn't really matter if the kids blindly accept or reject your choice -- you should use this as an opportunity to start a conversation. But always remember that it’s their future, not yours. Their university success depends upon them making this choice confidently. And one last tip to the moms and dads out there: please don't ever try to force a decision on your kid by reminding them that you're the ones paying the bills. It only breeds hostility and resentment and it never works out.
• The Counselor Conundrum: Most of the college counselors I know are so incredibly fantastic, offering heartfelt guidance amid their packed rosters of students—sometimes juggling the aspirations of 20, 50, or even 100 kids (and their parents) at a time. Many of them have other (if not primary) responsibilities like teaching, coordinating after-school clubs, or even mental health counseling. They are the unsung heroes of academia (just look at the Acknowledgements sections of this book). But keep in mind, they're human and might lean towards the schools they know best or the ones they have a relationship with. They also cannot be expected to be familiar with all the higher education options out there. Quite frankly, it’s impossible, so limitations are to be expected. So while you should value their advice, make it your business to dig a little deeper. It's your education and your future on the line, so a healthy dose of personal due diligence is a smart move. And a brief word of caution: on very few (but in my humble opinion, completely unacceptable) occasions, there might be incentives that color their recommendations. Some high schools require universities to pay to present to students.  Some schools require a commission for every student they send forward to a university.  And some counselors are incentivized by the number of students they place into certain "top-tier" universities. Again, this is very rare and should be prohibited (if not illegal), but I do feel it's important to mention it.
• The Rankings Ruse: Falling for the seductive but often misleading university rankings can be like chasing a mirage. Remember, these lists can be misleading. They may not (and probably won't) account for factors that align with your personal educational needs like culture, the community, the specific programs, teaching philosophy/style, and the personal growth opportunities that truly define your unique university experience.  I’ll go into great detail regarding how these rankings are created in a future newsletter.  But I warn you… you’re really going to be angry when you read it.
• The Peer Bandwagon: Choosing a university because their friends are going there is like buying shoes because they look good on someone else — they might not be your style (or even your size). This "Peer Bandwagon" effect reflects a deeper issue in education, where students are taught from a young age to value academic success through comparison. They come out of exams comparing grades. Some schools even rank their students. This shifts the focus from personal growth to rivalry. When my children discuss their grades, I'm interested in their own personal improvement, not how they stack up against their peers. The same goes for selecting a university—the best choice for one student may be entirely wrong for another, and decisions should be based on individual fit rather than peer influence or perceived prestige, fostering a healthier approach to education that emphasizes personal achievement over comparative success.
• Sibling's Shadow: It can be tempting (and easy) for our kids to think, “Well, my sibling loved it, so will I,” but remember, every child is different. I experienced this in my first semester as a full-time professor. A first-year student went to the Dean and accused me of sexual harassment. I nearly lost my job, was almost arrested, and could have lost my fiance. And all of these would have been appropriate, had the accusation been true. It turns out that her older sister had just graduated from the university with honors and she was not doing well academically, nor was she even happy in that school. She felt that she couldn't talk to her parents about it, so out of desperation, she made this false accusation in hopes of being withdrawn. She eventually told me that she chose me because I was the only professor who would understand and forgive her. I do understand and I did forgive her. Eventually, her parents did as well. This was an incredibly painful event for all of us. Even now it's difficult for me to write about it, knowing what I could have lost, but I share this story because it really demonstrates how desperate kids can become if they are stuck following in their siblings' footsteps. Remember, each child has their own needs and their own dreams. Help them to craft their own journey.

Internal Narratives

Despite all those voices echoing around us, we all still have one more voice to consider – the one in our head.  Think about those “Internal Narratives,” the stories we tell ourselves, the myths we may buy into, and the personal biases that simmer within. We need to help our kids take an introspective journey -- to look inward, to question the internal monologue that might guide them toward a path that’s not entirely their own.

We’ve all been exposed to hundreds of subtle and not-so-subtle influences throughout our entire lives that have shaped our perceptions of what university is or should be. For previous generations, it was Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds, Back to School, Van Wilder, and Old School. For their generation, it's Neighbors (and yes, the sequel, Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising), Everybody Wants Some, Pitch Perfect, and Life of the Party. There's a reason that so many movies are set on college campuses—these settings are filled with recognizable stereotypes and dramatic potential that filmmakers can easily exploit. And it's not just movies. There are plenty of factors that can influence our internal biases and as long as authors like Bob Cialdini are trying to Influence (great book, get it, read it, love it) us, we'll always be one step behind the marketers. Hopefully, this list can help our kids identify any internal biases so they can uncover a narrative that's authentically theirs, free from the scripts handed down or imposed upon them.

• Impressive Marketing (Brochures, Campuses, Gimmicks.): It’s easy to get dazzled by glossy photos, a beautiful campus, giveaways, and golden tickets.  But remember, that free tote bag or weekend getaway – those are not representative of the university experience.  They’re sales techniques designed to get kids to go to that university. Dig deeper, look beyond the marketing, and learn what student life at that university is really like.
• Sports Fanaticism: Yeah, the football team is pretty amazing, but is that really why someone would want to spend the next three to four years and a ton of money there? Passion is great, but it should never blind one's own judgment. (Note: this of course does not apply to student-athletes who definitely must consider athletics as a part of their higher education.)
• Trendy Choices: Some cities, some countries, and some schools are just ‘in’ at the moment. Trends fade. Education persists. Ensure the kids ignore the hype and go for substance over style
• Impulse Decisions: Making choices on a whim, maybe after a catchy event or a conversation, can lead to regret. This one happened to me. I was in my AP Calc class and Mr. Gulla (one of the best educators to ever step into a classroom) went around the room asking us what university we were planning to attend. Well, I hadn't made up my mind but I had to give an answer, so when the girl who sat in front of me said her school, that's what I said as well. And, since I had said it out loud in public, I guess that it just stuck. We both went and became incredibly close -- like family, but neither mi primita nor I stayed at that school. It really was a bad fit.
• Avoiding Challenge: Sometimes kids pick what they think will be the "easier" university. As a brilliant psychologist often says, "Avoid pain, seek pleasure" and my wife is right. It can seem tempting to select what seems to be the simpler path, but overcoming (realistic) challenges makes you stronger, pushes boundaries, and helps you to learn and grow. It's our responsibility to show kids that often the easier choice in the short run leads to difficulties in the long run.
• The Dreamy College Romance: Does the kid want to go where their high school sweetheart is going? It’s quite tempting and it's definitely romantic, but university is about building a future. Perhaps they can find a school where they both fit? My wife and I went to two separate universities for graduate school -- both were completely different and great for us as individuals. But they would have been horrible for the other. If the relationship is strong, it will survive a little distance, and they will have a future together. Remind the kids that this is a choice that must allow them to grow independently.
• The Allure of Far Away: This is a tough one for parents to hear. Sometimes kids pick a school just because it’s far from home and that can feel liberating. Ask yourself why your kid would want to move away. Help them make sure their decision is driven by aspiration, not desperation.

Difficult but Necessary Conversations

If you made it this far, well done. I know this one was a bit long and a bit difficult as I focused quite a bit on the not-so-great influences that can sneak into our kids' decision-making process for choosing a university. These topics are a good starting point for opening up discussions with our kids and getting them to give this decision the time and effort it deserves.

Moving forward, I'm going to focus more on the factors that should be considered when picking a university.

In my upcoming newsletters, I’ll be laying out the specific factors for university success that each individual student must evaluate for themselves, from the type of institution to the location and even the cost. Every factor will weigh differently for every kid, so there is no one right formula, but with some self-reflection, a lot of discussions, and a bit of research, your kid can make a choice that they’ll not only be proud of but will also have a lasting effect on their success in school and in life.

Thanks for sticking with me. Together, we’re going to make sure these choices are smart, well-informed, and, most importantly, right for them.