In the blink of an eye- Natasha's story!

Before COVId-19 hit her, Natasha was the kind of person who would leave your head spinning with just the number of things she was involved in!

Natasha is a young, vibrant individual- has a master's degree in computer sciences and works in the digital transformation department of the Bank of Indonesia in Jakarta. She worked hard for her bank, loved the work she did, had a rich circle of friends, loved cats, sang, drew, had a boyfriend within a couple of hours drive, and had a large family all of whom lived under one roof: aunts, cousins, parents, grandparents-all.

One month of April 2020 changed all that. She calls it the darkest days of her life.

Here is her story in her voice.

As the traffic is horrendous in Jakarta, I took an apartment closer to my office. On most days, I would take my scooter out to the office nearby...and on weekends, I would typically make the long two-hour trip to where my parents lived, in a different part of the city. I enjoyed my work as I was now involved in a significant transformation effort at the bank- I liked my boss and had great colleagues. We worked hard and played hard. The occasional late nights and weekends did not bother me a bit as I felt a sense of purpose and mission at work.

I still remember the call I got one day in early April 2020 saying that my parents felt the chills and were coughing. I rushed home wondering if was COVID, though no one in the family had been traveling. We did have a visitor who had come back from Amsterdam, but he seemed to be OK from what I knew. I rushed back home, and as I reached home I came in for a further surprise. My grandfather, who, along with my grandmother, lived with us, had just been taken away to the hospital as he had difficulty breathing. There were 11 of us who lived in that house, and other than 3, all of us soon came down with COVID right away. My parents got it soon after my grandfather and were pretty much locked down in their room. My grandfather went from OK to struggling for life in a few minutes! We were informed later that his lungs were full of the infection. He passed away just four days later, and none of us could even see him in his deathbed. A couple of cousins who were not living with us went down to help, only to be told that the state was taking him away for burial. No one got to talk to him or see him in his final moments. We could not tell our grandmother that her soulmate of 60 years had passed away, as she was herself battling COVID.

Those were difficult days- each of us was confined to our room. We had a few people who did not contract the disease despite being in the same house. We used to order food from the outside, and the caterers would keep it outside the door. Then my 10-year-old cousin, who was the healthiest of the lot and did not contract the disease, would collect the food and place it outside each of our doors and retract as we came out to collect it. We could not go outside the house. Initially, we were told that sunlight and Vitamin D was good for us, but when I did try and go to my garden once, but my neighbors reacted so strongly that I quickly withdrew inside. Our house was marked as THE house. Everyone in the neighborhood kept a healthy distance. The good news is that, at least in my case, compared to what my parents and grandparents experienced, the disease was mild.

I tried to work online, but I could not. I had a fever and chills, and even if I spent an hour on the computer, I would have this raging headache. The worst was the pounding on the chest- it was as though someone was beating my heart with a hammer or smothering me under a pillow. None of us could get admitted to the hospital as they were all full of patients who had the more virulent form of the disease, like my grandfather.

It took me a month to get better, and I would say even after that, I still felt woozy most of the time. I would sit down to work promptly at 8:00 am and get on with my work and meetings- but by the time I finished one meeting, I would feel exhausted and drained out. I started worrying about my job and what my manager would think of me, given the fact that April soon dragged into May, and I was still a wreck. Fortunately, they were pretty understanding of my situation and helpful. I am genuinely grateful to them for reaching out often and checking on me.

It took me three tests to come out negative from COVID. This was towards the second half of May. The first thing I did was to visit my grandfather's grave. I did not realize how emotional that would be. He passed away alone, and nobody even saw him buried. Every time I think of how he must have died, I have a knot in my stomach.

The home front was going through other challenges as well. My parents had a sports club business, which due to the lockdown, was closed. I had to jump in to support my parents with my savings as the upkeep of the sports club was steep, and bills kept piling up. At that time, we were hoping that the pandemic itself would pass in a few months and we would be back in business. So we decided to keep the facility going. That drained my savings. Meanwhile, given our situation, I could not meet my boyfriend or have him come down to meet with me. I tried singing but gave up as I realized I could not control my breath as I used to once.

I soon grew a bit depressed- paranoid about whether my parents were in danger of losing their lives or if I would lose my job. I worried sick about never being able to recover physically from the disease. My financials were in a mess, and I planned to give my apartment near the office and commute to save money on the one hand, but that would add four hours of commute each day!

You know, in some ways, the pandemic taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I could control my feelings. As the oldest of the cousins, I had to pretend I am strong and cover my sadness, especially in front of my grandma. I felt everyone looked up to me during this time, and I felt the burden of supporting all of them, not just physically or mentally, but in my parents' case, even financially. I took over taking care of the financials as they were in no condition to do so.

That only added to my worries, and honestly, I cannot tell you how happy I would be to be back to my old self. I was, by default, the 'elder' of the family now, and it seemed that I needed to prioritize others before myself. I had to do what I had to do, but I can tell you there were moments of regrets. I had to keep everything to myself. In retrospect, it made me grow up. I moved from this happy-go-lucky person to a person with a sense of responsibility. I believe it made me more resilient and stronger than I thought I was!

Life throws curveballs at you. In the blink of an eye, you can go from everything to nothing. Yet, you have to move forward with the cards you are dealt with. You have got to make it work. None of the pain I suffered physically even came close to the agony of not being there for my grandfather in his last moments. For me, that made my connections with my family even more precious. I now make sure that I enjoy every moment with them because one never knows when and how one is taken away. I yearn to be in the arms of my boyfriend...and we have decided at the earliest possible time, the two of us will get married. I have also turned more spiritual. I could not practice Ramadan given my physical condition was not OK, but I have become more spiritual and have found peace in return.

Maybe that is the silver lining in this story? We had our losses-my grandfather, my parents losing their business, our whole family coming down sick- but we have now recovered. As we gather the various pieces of our lives, we are grateful. Our love has grown stronger-together we shall prevail...the real strength we have is each other, and we will make the best of it.