THE BREAK-UP: Its not me ... Its you!

For those who know me I thought I would share the below message exchange.

To protect the innocent, names dates and circumstances have been changed.

Letter 1: Alex to Spreadsheet

My dearest Spreadsheet,

This is hard to write, but it's time we talked. I don’t think it's working out for me anymore.

I've been feeling this way for some time now. I think we have grown apart. Remember those late nights, hunched over your cells, desperately trying to fix that broken formula?

We've had some good times, don't get me wrong. Those quick calculations, the instant charts... it was a whirlwind romance! But lately, I've realised we're not built for the long haul.

I need a partner who can adapt, collaborate, and help me model the future, not just crunch the numbers from the past. It's time for me to grow up and find a tool that can truly support my ambitions.

Its not me … its you!

I hope we can stay friends.

With a heavy heart,

Alex

Letter 2: Spreadsheet to Alex

My dear Alex,

Whoa, hold on a minute! Is this really happening?

I admit, we've had our rough patches. But I always gave you my all, every calculation, every chart, right there on the screen. Don't you remember the thrill of those perfectly formatted reports? The satisfaction of a balanced budget? We were a team, remember? But if you're looking for something more... well, maybe you're right. Are you sure?

I'm constantly evolving, you know. New features, updates... I can adapt! Lets not give up so easily. Lets recalculate!

I've always been there for you, for those quick calculations and simple analyses. But if you need more, I can try harder... I just can't say goodbye.

With a pang of sadness (and a slightly broken formula),

Spready

Letter 3: Alex to Spreadsheet

Spready,

It's not that I don't appreciate the good times. Remember that crazy week where we built the entire financial model from scratch? We were unstoppable! But then, disaster struck.

One tiny error, hidden deep within a nested formula, and the whole thing came crashing down. We lost days trying to find it, and the stress nearly killed me (and probably corrupted a few of your cells).

I need reliability, Spready. I need a tool that can handle complexity without breaking down. And those frustrating moments when sharing you with colleagues turned into a version control nightmare?

I need seamless collaboration, Spready.

Sincerely,

Alex

Letter 4: Spreadsheet to Alex

My dear Alex,

Oh, come on! That one wasn't my fault! Remember, it was John from Accounts who messed with the formula, putting addition instead of multiplication. It might have been at 2am when we solved it, but we did laugh about it, ... right?

Ok, so you may have been exhausted, but it was fun hanging out. Hey, but who was there for you when the company overestimated profits and the share price took a nosedive? We weathered that storm together, remember? And that going-away party for the colleagues? It was a tough time, but we were there for each other.

Oh... hey, is it my age? They say vintage is back in style. And who's more vintage than me? Born in '79, baby! I'm like a classic car - reliable, sturdy, and full of character. Sure, I might not have all the bells and whistles of those newfangled cloud-based apps, but I get the job done. Mature and full of experience... I'm like a fine wine!

Longing for the good old days (and a macro that actually works),

Spready

Letter 5: Alex to Spready

Spready,

I think you totally misunderstood the whole situation. They didn't "go away," they were fired! Imagine having to fire your own sister because of a spreadsheet error. I don't think you get it! And that "beautiful summer weekend" we spent getting the forecast ready? I missed my best friend's wedding because we were wrestling with version control issues.

You're holding me back, Spready.

I need a tool that allows me to collaborate seamlessly, not one that creates more problems than it solves. One that lets me know if something doesn’t look right. I need to be able to adapt quickly, model unlimited scenarios, and answer complex "what-if" questions. You have too many limitations.

You just can't keep up with the demands of the modern workday.

Frustratedly yours,

Alex

Letter 6: Spreadsheet to Alex

My dear Alex,

Ouch. That hurts. Okay, maybe I haven't always been the easiest partner. And maybe I don’t get all the nuances of human behavior. But I am loyal. We had some wild times, you and I.

We built empires (of data), conquered budgets, and navigated countless financial reports. Don't you miss that? Maybe... maybe you just haven't figured out how to use me to my full potential. I can adapt too, you know!

With the right add-ins and a bit of creativity, I can handle more than you think. Maybe its you and not me?!

Nostalgically yours (with a slightly corrupted cell),

Spready

Letter 7: Alex to Spready

Spready,

It's over. I didn’t want to say it... but I've found a new partner, one that understands my needs, one that can adapt and grow with me.

We're building amazing things together, collaborating seamlessly, and modeling the future with confidence. I'm happier than I've ever been. And let's be honest, that "nosedive" you mentioned? It was caused by a hidden error in your formulas, which ultimately led to those colleagues being let go. The company almost went bankrupt!

You're a fantastic tool, but you aren't real. You lack the dynamic intelligence I need now.

Its over. Lets not extend this further than needed. Lets just cut the cord.

Yours (historically),

Alex

Letter 8:

Hi Spreadsta! ... me again.

It’s been a while. I thought some distance would do us both good. How have you been?

I'll admit, there are times when I miss our simple, uncomplicated relationship.

I checked with my new partner, and they agree we all have our strengths. They aren’t the jealous type, fortunately. (They can easily adapt to any situation.)

Maybe we can still get together now and again, for old times' sake?

A quick calculation, a simple chart... ad hoc calculations, nothing serious, of course.

Yours (periodically),

Al