Breaking open the gilded cage of privilege

Why I talk about mental health

Do you know why I talk about my mental health so openly? 

A lot of people don’t realise why I share so vulnerably and publicly. They assume I’m unable to deal with my challenges or that I’m asking for help. They even pity me, or simply leave because I’m not useful to them anymore! 

But I recently realised that a lot of people don’t know my history and upbringing.

My upbringing

I was born in Delhi, but I was just 3 months old when we moved to Vienna, 3 years old when we moved to Bhutan, and 6 years old when we moved to the Upper East Side in New York City. 

We were a diplomatic family, due to my father’s career in the Indian Ministry of Foreign Affairs. 

We continued to move every 3 years until I ended up back in New York City by coincidence, at the age of 17, to attend Parsons School of Design.

I grew up at the intersection of status-based privilege and a proud yet modest Jain cultural value system that values immaterialism.

I also grew up at the crossroads of the independence afforded to me as a woman of my generation, and the societal expectations from a woman born to an upper middle class North Indian family.

In short, I was told I could do whatever I wanted with my life and be anything I wanted — because I could marry a wealthy man who would support me in all my endeavours. (Hahahaha.)

Mental health in (my) society

The reason I talk about mental health openly is because people who have the kind of privilege I was raised in generally don’t talk about mental health, even though it’s definitely a ubiquitous issue.

There’s a ruse that somehow people with privilege — whether that’s money or status or caste or race — are somehow immune to the human problems that abound for those who have struggled to survive.

But the truth is, neglecting the mental and emotional health of the privileged as “rich people problems” is destroying the planet. 

Because the people who have the power to shape the world are just as prone to trauma, loss, grief and emotional immaturity as anyone else — and ignoring their humanity because of their privilege is impacting every living being on earth.

A safe, secure and loved human being is much more generous, compassionate and considered in their impact on the world — while someone who is suffering from repressed anger, hurt, guilt, or pressure is much more likely to build things for deeply selfish reasons without considering the longer term or wider spread impact. 

And they do. Because they have the means. In fact, they design the entire system we live in.

Time for change

So it’s about time we talk about mental and emotional health amongst the privileged. 

I talk about mine to normalise these conversations.

I talk about mine to remove the veil of immunity that privilege creates.

I talk about mine to remind us all that human is human. Everyone has a different version of the same experiences.

Video still from Can we please talk about dying? performed at THNK FSTVL 2017, THNK School of Leadership

We tend to focus a lot on physical suffering in the world today — disease, hunger, physical abuse, warfare.

But I’d like to stick my neck out to suggest that the suffering we should pay more attention to, at large, is emotional, mental and spiritual. The stuff that makes us uniquely human, and affects all of our decisions and actions in the world.

If we did that, we’d stop focusing on rescuing the billions of people who suffer the consequences of those who shape the world — 

and focus a little more on the few hundred thousand who actually cause that suffering in others, with their short-sighted, broken-hearted selfish ends, powered by their privilege.

Instead of holding the privileged accountable as leaders, what if we started to help them feel and heal their subdued humanity?

I challenge you to consider this: Instead of holding the privileged accountable as leaders, what if we started to help them feel and heal their subdued humanity?

Imagine the effort and resources it takes to rescue the millions of employees of an exploitative corporation. Then imagine the effort and resources it takes to heal the CEO - that one human being at the helm - of that corporation.

I could mention examples of terrorists and political leaders who committed atrocities that cost millions of lives, who we prosecute or blame instead of treating them like the deeply wounded human beings they are inside that armour of power. Instead of holding the privileged accountable as leaders, what if we started to help them feel and heal their subdued humanity?

But we don’t want to see them as vulnerable human beings with unmet emotional needs, because it’s easier to point a finger at one person at the top than it is to embrace them and ask them what hurts them so much that they have so much anger and vengeance. 

Instead we struggle to keep up with helping their victims survive.

Privilege and the path to salvation

So the story goes — before he became the Buddha, the man was born a prince, who only discovered human suffering at the age of 29, when he managed to leave the palace that his father, the King, kept him intentionally protected within. Only then did he seek out enlightenment and a path to freedom from suffering for all. Some focus on the privilege he had as a prince — others focus on the greatness unleashed once the prince encountered his own humanity. Some focus on his obsession with suffering — others understand that a life-changing experience can catapult anyone into their greatest living purpose.

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The fact that the privileged don’t feel safe to be vulnerable isn’t a unique or individual problem — but a systemic one. Born from a system of classism designed to exploit masses of people by letting them believe that the privileged are not human, but somehow divinely protected.

That’s why kings and queens were invented. To keep everyone else feeling deserving of their suffering.

Solitary confinement is one of the worst forms of torture because it crushes the human spirit. Just because the cage is gilded doesn’t mean it’s not isolating. 

And someone who is disconnected from their humanity is bound to be cruel. Our vulnerability is the source of our compassion.

Solitary confinement is one of the worst forms of torture because it crushes the human spirit. Just because the cage is gilded doesn’t mean it’s not isolating. 

A vision — and the journey to get there

I don’t share my mental health struggles openly because I’m struggling to cope with them (— even on the worst days, I’m more than okay). 

I share them because I’m taking some responsibility for the way privilege is seen as some kind of armour that protects you — while it also suffocates you — and your humanity.

Apparently I’ve done such a good job that a lot of you never even realised the privilege I came from. And I’ll take that as a sort of victory.

But I don’t need your pity. What I need is your solidarity to change the status quo.

If you recognise the isolation of privilege, think of how you can be more vulnerable with another human being today. You don’t have to do it publicly, like I have! Do it however you feel capable.

And if you don’t recognise it — think of one person in your life that you might look at — and approach — differently, to make space for their humanity rather than their privilege. 

We can literally change the world one relationship at a time. That’s what I hope you’ll help me do.

Because I envision a world where our societies support our humanity — and accessing our vulnerability allows us to unlock our highest potential of Superhumanity.

And we can’t get to collective higher consciousness without safety amongst our fellow human beings.

Photo: mom, dad and I at home, Embassy of India, Mexico City 2012 - at the Indian Ambassador’s 60th birthday 💖

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Moulsari Jain is a speaker, writer, educator, creative facilitator, executive coach, creative consultant, social innovation artist, a designer of communication & branding systems, and a born-and-raised Idealist. She enjoys connecting the unexpected dots and would be pleased to lend you, your organisation or your event her interdisciplinary way of thinking and navigating complexity. Send a DM to start a conversation!

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