Building Community- Five Boys at TIME!

BUILDING COMMUNITY- FIVE BOYS-- AT A TIME!  By Wendy Muhlhauser (SissyMarySue)

NOTE--I have permission to use this image, but these are not students in the story! I had a project at Harambee. Student re-created scenes from "Jelly Beans the Cheetah and Hope" who are pictured here!

Where is the Front Door?

I hesitated in sharing this story. Any one of my dear friends in education and otherwise, would have made the same choices, I had in the situation, I am sure! I believe too it is important in doing good, without people knowing. That is true giving! Although, I thought I would leave this as one of those times, there is an important reason you will see, by the end of the story, why I finally chose to share. I also want to reinforce a post I saw, a friend make recently about community. He longed for our current youth to experience community as we did. He wrote of the way we (those of us in middle age) were all supported, seemingly so much more, as we all grew up.  

A couple weeks ago, when I was working in my downstairs home office, all of a sudden, I noticed a group of boys, on the lawn close to our house. I was curious if they were perhaps looking at ducks on our yard. Ducks on the lawn are a common occurrence being close to the river. I asked if this was the case. It was not the reason. One of the boys walked over to the window, where I was talking through to share they had come to ask if they could mow our lawn. He said, “we were trying to figure out where the front door is.” I do know it is a bit confusing, with our door being at the other side of the house. They were actually looking at the wrong side too--so they would not have found it. One of the boys recognized me and excitedly said, “SissyMarySue, you wrote that book about Jelly Beans Cheetah!” He went on to ask, “do you remember me?” I quickly assured him, I absolutely did recognize him! I had in fact remembered him from having subbed in his classroom more than once, in the district where I live. He apparently remembered me from when I read my book “Jelly Beans the Cheetah and Hope” to every grade at his school called Talahi, too! I was touched. This bright, kind, charismatic boy was not easily forgotten!  

Even though the boys were smart to ask, since our lawn was quite over grown, I know too Tim is quite particular about the lawn. I know that Tim prefers to do it himself. Still I felt badly I could not honor the boys initiative, in asking for work! This gave me an idea. I instructed the boys to “stay right there” and said, “I will be right out!” I went to retrieve a few books to surprise the boys to honor their initiative. I did not want them to go home empty handed that day.

Just as I re-emerged with the books, my boyfriend’s mom, who had been sitting by the river with a friend was heading up to the house too! She had also noticed the group of boys on the lawn. She grew concerned when she saw them around the downstairs windows. She did not realize I had been talking to them or that I had invited them to stay, while I was on my way outside! I explained to Tim’s Mom the boys asked to mow our lawn and didn’t she want to come sit with all of us! She happily joined our micro community gathering. I had Helen and the boys sit down on our steps with me as I signed a book to each boy. We all chatted a bit. I shared with the boys since some had not heard the story that the book was about empathy and that we are one human FAMILY! My hope that day, was that they felt welcomed and understood my heart, about our oneness as mankind! These are precious, wonderful boys!

As I wrote each affirming message, I read it aloud. Upon writing one of the messages, that began-“To a bright, strong, kind,” .....one of the boys suggested out loud…”and..Caring” to which I reinforced that and said “Yes, caring” and then included that too! I am sure you can understand--that was meaningful on so many levels. This was a young man who values that, is reinforced with that at home, school and was confident enough to offer that as an accurate description of himself! How wonderful is that?!!! We need to reinforce kindness and caring with both genders to be sure! I am grateful to have a son with those strengths too. Every time I interact with our young people, I am given energy and hope to continue to serve them in writing and otherwise! They touched my heart that day!

Upon reflection, I must admit to contemplating a very different scenario about that day. You see, these boys were all beautiful Black boys! What if a cop had been driving by as I had gone to retrieve the books? Could they have been questioned, harassed or even hurt? We do live in a mostly white neighborhood, so that sadly is not out of the realm of possibility. If that had been the case, could I have gotten to them in enough time to have kept them safe? I worry about that with my Black Interns, Friends, their husbands, children, my students and their parents, who are Black males.

I reinforced, that day with the boys, being strong but being strong in patience, kindness, and caring just as I had done, when I raised my son. If or when these boys may have a negative encounter with police, an angry boy or adult, I worry that these boys may not see the same value to these attributes. Isn’t it up to all of us? Isn’t it our collective responsibility to raise the boys in our communities, country and world to be peaceful and loving, protecting them and our world from bullying, violence and disharmony? Male attributes are not only physical prowess. Violence in my mind is not a male attribute but can be an exploitation of that prowess. We are one human FAMILY. I believe it is up to all of us to support our girls and boys to be emotionally whole people with the capacity to love, care and demonstrate empathy! I believe too that showing empathy and kindness to our youth empowers them with it! Although, my actions are no different than what any of my friends, colleagues or family would have done, it is worth mentioning for the sake of our youth. Even a small act, with a relatively short amount of time with a group of Middle School boys, on one’s yard, can plant seeds of belonging and empowerment for male youth. I see this as meaningful, reinforcement to help them continue to value themselves, empathy and kindness, as they mature, ascending to manhood.    

Sending Great Joy, Hope, Empathy, Kindness and LOVE….Author SissyMarySue (Wendy Muhlhauser)

“Empowering Youth with Empathy to Spring into Compassionate Action!”

www.sissymarysue.org