Bullying @ Workplace

The other day in office I was sitting on my seat just minding my own business when a new team member approached me. It was lunchtime, and he politely asked me if I would like to join him for a carrom game. I was stupefied by two things. First I didn't know the guy that much and was puzzled as to why he came to me instead of other people. Perhaps because nobody else would want to waste their lunchtime playing carrom.

Secondly and most importantly, I had no idea our office had a carrom board and that too on our floor.

Regardless of my wary nature, I followed him to a hidden but all-accessible storage room where a brand new carrom board was placed in the middle like a trophy. The pristine condition of the board should have made my alarms go off, but I guess I hadn't had my Sherlock pills that day. We started playing, and as I hadn't played carrom in a while, he had the upper hand. Okay, I agree he was just killing me in the game. As I was getting the hang of it again after 8 or 9 years something unexpected happened.

The supposed owners of the carrom boards barged in and started scolding us. I had no idea that the carrom board belonged to anyone else other than the office premises, so I was naturally surprised at their sudden outburst. I calmly asked them why they hadn't put a sign outside the door if they wanted the secrecy of the hallowed board so much. The men threatened us on the top of their voice and said they would complain to our manager. And that's when I lost it. I asked why they had placed a personal item in the office and whether I should place the complaint about them instead.

Don't misunderstand me. This story is not about my heroic grandstanding against some over-ecstatic colleagues. Instead, I wanted to put light on the way they behaved with us; something all of us experience day in day out. They acted -as my mother very beautifully put- like 5-year-olds whose favourite toy had been hijacked. Inspite of the fact that they could have easily and politely gotten rid of us saying they chose the violent route and tried to intimidate us. And that my friends, is what bullies do; threaten people because they don't know any other method. They speak loudly, make no sense, wave their hands angrily, and most importantly are sure that they are always right. Sounds spooky, doesn't it?

Let me tell you of another instance. Last week late in the evening, I booked a share-cab from my office to home and then waited. The app showed the ride would start after 15 minutes and so I bided for time. Five minutes later I get a call from an agitated driver who was saying he was waiting for me for the last 5 minutes. Confused I rushed to the ground floor, and because I work on the fifth floor, it took me some time. By then the driver's rage had skyrocketed. He started shouting and commented that I should be respectful of other people's time especially the lady passenger who had been waiting alongside him. I apologised and agreed he was right. I told him the OTP, but he kept on going about how irresponsible I was, and that I should take care of other people's time. And then came the Brahamastra when he said, "I am working since morning, and I don't need this right now."

I calmly asked him, "What is your problem?"

Not expecting me to reply to his constant barrage of meaningless anger with a cool demeanour he fashioned a dumbfounded expression.

I asked again, "What is your problem? I apologised and told you there was a problem in the app. What more do you want? Why are you shouting?"

Then covering like a champ, he said, "I can't help it. It's my voice that is loud," which I countered with, "Do you think I can't raise my voice? You're not the only one working in the world and certainly not the only one who gets angry. I have also been working since the morning and believe me, I also don't need this right now."

Have you ever noticed how bullies become speechless when you throw logic on them and that too calmly? They either go away mumbling something inaudible or if you are standing in the school playground, they let their hands do the talking. Hitting someone is the most basic and the crudest form of animalistic behaviour a human being can use in an argument.

I am not saying I don't get angry ever or haven't hit anybody in my life. However, it's my principle that if a matter can be settled peacefully, then there is no use of arguing let alone fighting. Bullies, however, don't understand the language of civil discourse. Infact try it yourself the next time you encounter a bully. With aplomb refute the physical dominion of the bully who's trying to push your buttons and stand confidently in front of him. The person would either be baffled or start shouting to prove they are right. Unfortunately for them, shouting doesn't make anyone right, and neither does the fighting.

That is why people resort to hitting I reckon. They can't bear another second of explaining the non-existent logic in their viewpoint and being full with frustration they have to take their anger out somehow for the fear they may be consumed by it. They want to win the argument by hook or crook, and if logic doesn't do their bidding, they don't shy away from using violent means.

I usually don't work in extremes, but in this scenario, I can say without any shame that I hate bullies. Bullies are people who can't bear bowing down to someone else, whether physiologically or psychologically. They can't accept the fact that somebody might be superior to them in some field or god forbid somebody might teach them something. The ultimate sign: they get angry if somebody doesn't fear them or accept their supremacy.

Look at Donald Trump. The guy since childhood has had everything he wanted right in front of him. He was a multimillionaire and now is the president of the United States. He has been quite vocal about the environment saying global warming is just a myth inspite of a horde of proof against the claim. He shuts down anyone with a contradictory opinion fully knowing if he engages in a logical debate he'll lose. And that is why as a true bully he strongarms anyone who opposes him. Honestly, only a guy like him can ask Mexico to pay for a wall to keep Mexicans out of the United States.

You may ask how then he became the President. Well, I won't get into US politics and the role of the kingmakers in his appointment, but I will say one thing. If you observe carefully, there is something very charismatic and attractive about a bully. They don't fear anyone, they don't back down, and they are very very outspoken.

These qualities have been marketed unabashedly by our global media and society as a whole as the ideal traits of an alpha male for centuries. Ask Abert Einstein, John Keats, and Willian Wordsworth what happens to introverts and their viewpoints however good or logical they are. Better yet look at Hitler; the greatest bully of them all. He single-handedly killed around six million Jews just because of his charismatic speaking. The charisma or say the seeming attractiveness is why bullies attract lackeys who are shortsighted and illogical just like them but don't have the cohones to actually go through their threats physically. Infact I would say in a group of bullies only one guy is the hitman while others are the ones motivating him with their loyalty; the only thing keeping the bully's self-worth alive.

The problem -for the group as well as the victim- starts when the bully can't get his way. See, in society, you can't hit someone and get away. And that leads to vocal outbursts and verbal diarrhoea with people fighting over trivial matters right in the middle of the road. It is when the supposed kings of the world realise the world doesn't actually love them and the fear evaporates, that they are at best a scarecrow with lackeys for straws. Their psyche crumbles, and they either bury themselves beneath the rubble of the anger or continue lashing out on every second person until they meet their better leading to a fatal fight.

WMDs or weapons of mass destruction only kill people. But bullies their will to live and the art buried within them waiting to be discovered. They make them realise they are unworthy which ends in the silent ones fighting their own selves. All this because the 'human weapons' can't handle the complexity of their own minds. Bullies are far more dangerous than WMDs. Believe me, you might survive a hit from a bullet one time. But the constant barrage of negative emotions poured down your psyche by a person sick in mind can wear you down for good. Be aware, my introvert friends. Be aware.

Also Read:

Story of an Anxious Person

7 Things Every Introvert is Tired of Hearing