Celebrating the Differences in Our Relationships

The challenge and incredible power of having relationships with people who are different from you

When you think about relationships, it’s easy to dwell on those between people with a shared interest. A romantic couple have their love for each other. Neighbors connect through a mutual enjoyment of sports, hobbies, or an infinite number of other possibilities. Colleagues bond over shared projects – or a shared boss. The list goes on forever.

But what about building relationships with those who aren’t like you? They may be richer or poorer, differently abled, and differently behaved. They may also have different interests, different politics, different religions, and different upbringings.

These types of relationships aren’t the easiest to forge or maintain, but they’re very important. At a personal level, people who are different from us open our eyes to a world we would otherwise not see. They help us build our empathy muscles and build bridges, respect, and understanding. They’re the foundation of society itself.

The process of forging relationships starts with you! Keep an open mind that there are people unlike yourself and use your power to make a connection. It can be as simple as a greeting and a smile, a compliment, or a random act of kindness.

I’d love to hear about how you’ve forged a relationship with someone different from yourself. Share your story in the comments below or email to celebrationspulse@1800flowers.com. 

Differences in the office

Even when we have shared interests, there are usually differences that add spice to our relationships. During a recent meeting at my office, the group drifted off subject and started talking about our differences. Everyone came from different hometowns and had different tastes in music, food, and hobbies.

One of our team members said that she had a friend who was a Franciscan friar who was prone to make thought-provoking statements at Mass. During one of his sermons, he asked the congregation to imagine a world where everyone was the same. “Wouldn’t we all be bored to tears?” he asked. “So, the next time you think someone is different than you, think about that boring world, and celebrate the fact that they are different.”

After the meeting, some of us were chatting about children who are exposed to other children who are different from themselves. At school and sports events, for instance, they meet other kids of different socio-economic statuses, ethnicities, and educational levels – and they benefit from that exposure.

The affluent and well-educated learn that there are other kinds of people in this world, and what their challenges and struggles are. People who come from single-parent families are exposed to people who have two-parent families. They see the differences, and it is educational for them. It paints a broader picture for them of what growing up can be like.

Lessons from the swimming club

Three of my grandkids belong to a swimming program. It is a very family-oriented, simple, laid-back kind of club, and it is full of families, multigenerational families, extended families, big families – almost every kind of family you can think of.

On a recent Sunday afternoon, three of my seven grandkids participated in races as part of the swim team. The coach is a great guy, and he takes his job very seriously because he’s teaching the kids about many things besides swimming.

Parents, grandparents, and siblings come to the club and watch these exuberant kids in the pool competing against each other. It’s just a nice, wholesome, fun afternoon. And on this day, we were provided with an example of celebrating the difference in children.

Two young members, who come from wonderful families, have Down Syndrome, a genetic condition that makes physical activity very challenging. Still, one of the boys participates on the swimming team. When his name was announced for his turn to swim, everyone participating and watching the race lined up at the edge of the pool to cheer him on.

When he finished the race, he was handed his ribbon. Beaming with pride, he walked around with those ribbons around his neck for the rest of the day. Everyone at the club congratulated him. Differences brought everyone together, and a stronger community emerged. 

Reflections on the meet

Back at home, my wife and I chatted about how good, wholesome, and wonderful it was to see our grandchildren and others building relationships with people who are different from themselves.

There’s a lesson for adults here too. As we grew older, often we let our differences get in the way of accepting each other for who we are. And it’s inevitable that this happens because our worlds expand beyond our childhood homes, friends, and communities. It’s been said that one way to stay young is to try to bring a childlike curiosity to life. Perhaps, we should add bringing a childlike acceptance of others too.