The CEO who made too much money.
A friend surprised me at a dinner party a few months ago. We were talking about a CEO in town and he said, "He makes millions each year, how do you think he sleeps at night?"
I wanted to say, "Probably peacefully on a comforter made of Hungarian down."
In his mind, there was a good amount of money you could make and then a shameful amount. As long as you made the arbitrary amount you were OK, but if you crossed that line, you were greedy or selfish or evil.
The dangerous thing about that belief is that if my friend gets successful, he'll feel guilty. The closer he gets to his secret rule for money, the worse he'll feel. Most people in that circumstance will then self sabotage, effectively drilling holes in their own boat until it sinks. Success feels bad if your rule is that success is bad.
Money isn't the only secret rule we carry. Maybe when you were a kid, a teacher said you weren't a good public speaker, and 15 years later, that still defines you. Even as your coworkers compliment the way you lead a meeting, you shy away from the spotlight.
Maybe someone told you that you'd always be fat and you accepted that. Or not a real writer or alone or a million other things.
We all have our own secret rules (often called limiting beliefs) that hold us back. (I wrote a chapter about dealing with these in my new book.)
I'm curious, what are yours? I'd love to hear in the comments.
(One of mine is that people are trying to take advantage of me. I had a few people do that and a secret rule of "Don't trust other people," started to really take root. It's a work in progress.)
Data & Analytics Leader at GE Aerospace
7yMany people I know stop just short of where their fear of success would kick in.
Experienced senior leader and trusted corporate advisor with 15+ years of progressive experience driving operational effectiveness within both the public and private sectors
7yA skating coach told me I couldn’t hear the beat of the music so I thought that meant I wasn’t musical, my piano teacher (a jazz musician) says I am musical. Now I believe it too. Turns out I probably always was but amazing what a difference believing it has on my willingness to practice.
Retired
7yTo paraphrase John Wesley, earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can.
Learning & Development|Continuous Improvement
7yThanks for the insight, Jon. I think that mentality stems from an idea originated by Immanuel Kant that there is no such thing as altruism because people gain satisfaction from doing good deeds for others. In presuming that self-interest taints good deeds, this ideology gives self-interest a negative connotation. The (presumably) unintended result of his ideology is the sense of guilt we feel for seeking self-interest. In reality, self-interest is compatible with both secular and spiritual western world-views. One who believes in evolution, for example, believes that self-interest is the only way in which we can continue to exist. Capitalists believe in Adam Smith’s invisible hand that disburses benefit to all when we seek our own economic success. Christians are free to seek self-interest as well, except we seek self-interest of eternal rather than temporal consequence. The key to all of these is rationality. Seeking immediate gratification is often irrational and damaging, while seeking long-term gain is usually rational and mutually beneficial. Someone with an inability to reconcile personal success with morality likely has some inconsistencies in their world-view.
Owner at Feisty Studios salon and Young Living Essential Oils
7yEveryone sees the fruit of sacrifice and sometimes heart breaking labor. Entrepreneurs don't show the heartbreak, bank break, or emotional brokenness that comes with starting a business. If we did, everyone would think we are crazy.