Chameleon Politics Part 1—A Short Story

I actually wrote this few years ago. Since politics are always in the news and midterm elections are coming up, I pulled it up, dusted it off, and updated it. It’s a little long for one posting, so I’ll post it in parts. Enjoy.

 Chameleon Politics

 Walt and Gladys marched into Senator Mattingly’s office behind Ted Surut, the Senator’s campaign manager. Teddy Surut, made the introductions pointing to the visitors in turn, “Senator, this’s Walter Strange, CEO of The Peoples’ Choice Consultants, and his VP for Operations, Gladys Saye. Mr. Strange and Ms. Saye, may I present the next president of the United States, Channing Mattingly.”

 The senator laughed as he shook hands. “My campaign manager is very optimistic as you can see. Please, call me Chan. Have a seat.” Walt and Gladys sat down in overstuffed chairs. Senator Mattingly sat at his desk.

 “If you hire us, he may be right,” Walt said. “You can call me Walt.”

 Ted sat on the arm rest of a side chair. “Let’s keep it professional Mr. Strange, at least until we make a decision, shall we? Senator, I invited Mr. Strange in to make a proposal. I think they might have a lot to offer us, and it will be worth hearing what they have to say.”

 Gladys opened a portable monitor and connected her laptop. She turned the monitor so Chan could see it. Ted pulled his chair over behind Chan so he could see the monitor. “I’ll make most of the presentation while Walt will add a comment or two.” Gladys said. “Feel free to stop us and ask anything as we go along.”

 Walt started, “Senator, my company, The Peoples’ Choice Consultants, is a political consulting company. We augment your campaign staff. We don’t replace anyone. We work and advise your campaign manager. We have helped many politicians to get elected. In fact, everyone who has hired us has been elected. We have not had one loss. And, we don’t charge anything if you lose.”

 “Who have you helped?” Chan asked.

 “Sir, I’m not at liberty to tell you that. Part of our contracts include a confidentiality clause. We never disclose who hires us. I can name one of the candidates who turned down our proposals.

 “Who?” Ted asked.

 “We made a pitch to Hillary Clinton a few years ago. She decided that she didn’t need us. She lost in the primaries. Our surveys found that if she had hired us, she would have won, and we would have had a female president.”

 “That’s a bold statement,” Ted said.

 “We can back that up with our research,” Gladys said.

 Walt continued. “Our research shows that people vote for candidates they like. It also shows that they like people who’re very much like themselves. And they decide whether they like someone in the first few seconds that they meet someone. That also includes when they see their picture. Some researchers say a person will decide, subconsciously, to like someone within three seconds. Some say more like thirty seconds. Either way, it’s a very short time. And, as they say, ‘you only get one chance to make a first impression’. People seldom change their opinion.” 

 “I think we all know that,” Chan commented. “I always try to make a good first impression.”

 “Of course, you do. But we have developed software that’ll help you make that first impression on your website and web presence.”

 “What’s this going to cost me?’ asked Chan.

 “Senator, I’m not going to answer that question now. We have found that when we disclose the cost, the clients focus on that and try to negotiate without hearing the entire proposal. It’s better to wait until you see what we’re offering. I’ll say this again--if you aren’t elected we’ll refund your fee.”

 “Fair enough,” Chan said. “Proceed.”

 “Our research has shown the majority of voters vote according to a hierarchy of political values. Those values are from top to bottom: party affiliation, race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, and age. I’ll discuss each of these in turn.  Research shows that now days, most people will view a website or commercial before deciding how to vote. We want to show you what we think is the ideal website for you and a photograph you can use in your commercials. On the average, voters see between twelve and fifteen commercials before voting.

 “Whether they want to or not,” Ted added wryly.

 Gladys advanced to a picture of Channing sitting in a chair in front of a bookcase. “This is the generic version of the pictures that voters visiting your website will see,” Gladys said. “Of course, if you hire us, we’ll use an actual photograph of you. Let me point out some subtle features in the picture.” Gladys pulled out a laser pointer and pointed to the chair in the picture. “You should sit in a chair and not behind a desk. A desk creates a visual barrier, a wall, between you and the viewer. A chair is friendlier. The chair is set at a 45-degree angle which makes you seem thinner and covers up your crotch area.

 “So, I don’t have to worry whether my fly is unzipped,” Chan replied joking. Everyone chuckled.

 “Good idea,” Ted said. “I’d like that. I’m going to start sitting like that.” Everyone chuckled.

 Gladys continued, “Your hands rest on the arms of the chair with your left hand foremost and your feet are flat on the floor, not crossed at the ankles. Crossing them is a very negative thing.”

 “Wait, wait,” Chan said. “How’d you get this picture of me?”

 Walt laughed. “We start with a picture of your face and the rest is CGI.”

 “CGI?”

 “I’m sorry. Computer Generated Imagery,” Walt answered.

 Gladys continued. “You’ll notice several things in this picture.” Gladys pointed at each in turn with the laser pointer. “Your watch is visible on your left wrist. You wedding ring is visible on your left hand. You have a red tie on. Red is a bold and warm color. You have a lapel pin – an American flag in this picture. On the bookcase behind you is a miniature trophy, a football trophy. Voters like athletic candidates.”

 “But I didn’t play football,” Chan protested. “Tennis was my sport, and I was never any good.

 “Doesn’t matter,” Walt said. “Remember we are talking about a three second first impression. Consciously the mind doesn’t register the trophy but subconsciously it does. The same for all the items Gladys points out. If you have any actual trophies, we’ll use them”

 “On the bookshelf there are books by Mark Twain, history books and a science book,” Gladys continued. The book ends are miniature statues of the White House. “Below your picture is a message. We call this the slug line. In this picture it says, ‘Your vote is important to me. Please vote.’”

 “Research has shown that people respond more favorably when they see the word ‘please,’” Walt said. “Now we’ll show you how this software alters each picture based on the hierarchy of political values. The highest political value is party affiliation. On your desk will be two pictures: one of you with your family and one of Ronald Regan.”