Changes, Mistakes, and Moving Forward.

From the suggestion of others, this article has been moved from my post on WordPress to LinkedIn.

Change.

It's the only constant "thing" in existence that I embrace and accept. The idea that every moment we are here... every moment we are aware of, is just your own perception of an entire universe of entropic actions happening. From birth till death, for many of us, we attempt in vain to control the amount of change which affects our future. The connections we make, the decisions presented to us, the amount of time we take to complete an action... everything we do is our attempt to control the type and severity of change to the world around us.

"...what is change and can we control it?"

I've been reading about "Change Management" in the business world and I see this term thrown around loosely on LinkedIn, however, it hasn't been truly defined on a personal level. I think the question this 'idea' is asking is: what is change and can we control it? When I really sit down and think about the choices I've made and the resulting actions, I realize that change in my life was happening TO me, not caused BY me. Heh. Basically, I wasn't employing "Change Management" in my own life and ultimately letting the world dictate where I was headed.

Forbes Magazine Contributor Glenn Llopis says: "many organizations are slow to change as the internal politics makes it difficult to reach consensus across all levels of leadership – even when the necessity for change is urgent. This is why many companies unknowingly lose momentum as they fail to change fast enough -- allowing the marketplace and competitors to pass them by. The result: valuable time is misspent, resources applied and money invested without the required outcomes to stay competitive, keep clients satisfied and employees engaged."

When I read this, I think... ok, so this happened to me, however, on a much smaller scale.

Mistakes.

Mistakes were made. Many. Over an entire lifetime... nothing compares to how I lost my way within the last several months. This is intensely personal, so if you stop now, I won't hold it against you.

It started in 2013. I was working at AT&T and loving it. If you've ever worked for the mother of all telecoms, you know the "family" feeling you get when everyone around you is pushing for the same goals and results, producing warm-fuzzies. It was fan-freaking-tastic. The AT&T culture is intensely unique and the resources the company pours into empowering their people to achieve more is nothing but astounding.

So there I was, working in Bothell. Handling a large volume of requests and having the time of my life and that's when I met a girl. She inspired me to live more. To push to the next level of success in my career and made me feel special. We quickly decided that we were good for each other and promptly moved into our first townnhome in Lynnwood.

Do you see where this is going? Probably not yet. Ok, so we are in Lynnwood, trying to make ends meet and we have a discussion: What am I doing to better myself? I didn't know. I wasn't in control. At the time I gave her some BS answer about not knowing how to prepare, how to network, or how to find a better job. To appease her, I posted my resume online and applied to a few positions on Indeed. Jump forward several months later and the phone rings. Blueprint Consulting Services is calling and they have a position for a Microsoft contract which I may be a good fit for. "What's the position for?" I ask. The recruiter, Andrew Squiers, says the position is for something related to Office 365, where we'll be supporting security practices and policies, relating to Office 365 Global Administrators.

I got the job. Ohh boy, I had no idea how awesome the next 2 years of my life would be because of that phone call. It was a chance of a lifetime and I ran with it. When I started working for Blueprint, I took it upon myself to learn as much as possible about the products Microsoft customers were using, the scope of work our team adhered to, and the structure of the Microsoft culture. I loved it (and still do). Little did I know, my passion for customer service, helping others, and leading by example would be integral to the success of the team and I was promoted to a leadership position within 10 months.

Finally, hard work paid off. If you've read this far, you might be wondering... where's the "mistake?" Don't worry, I'm getting there.

Working at Blueprint, being recognized and rewarded for my contributions to the team, not only afforded us a lifestyle that we enjoyed, it helped me realize that I was capable of so much more. We got married, we got a dog, rented a cute house, and life was going great. I felt I could make a true long-term career out of Blueprint. It's what sparked my interest in Cloud Migration and starting my own business (still working on it!). The thing is... what goes up, must also come down. And when the other shoe falls... sometimes, if you are not careful with your decisions, your life can get turned upside-down.

"change was coming...there was nothing we could do to stop it."

On Saturday, May 6th, I learned that change was coming. I was told that Microsoft had decided to near-shore our jobs to Costa Rica and there was nothing we could do to stop it. I was devastated. As a manager, I couldn't say anything to my team at the time, so I had to live with that for several months before the official announcement was made.

During this period of time, my perception on the world started to shift. My relationship with my wife started to waver and  I asked myself a lot of "What if?" questions. I started to develop doubts on my path forward, so I started to pursue mentorship opportunities, internal job postings with Blueprint and even branched back out into the job-hunting world. It was at this critical stage, I felt I was making good decisions... but without realizing it, I was making the biggest mistakes in my life.

As part of the transition to Costa Rica, Microsoft asked Blueprint to train the new team. As an experienced and trusted member of the Data Protection team, I was asked to fly down to Costa Rica for 3 weeks and assist with the transition of power. I did it. On July 8th, I left my world behind, took a 10 hour flight to San Jose and started a transformative journey where the next month would change the rest of my life.

When I was training the new team in Costa Rica, I had an epiphany... a rather arrogant and terrible idea that I could "do it on my own." When my recruiter (Andrew) called me saying I could transition to another team in Blueprint when I returned, I scoffed. On my high-horse, I didn't like the idea of "starting immediately" when I got back and saying goodbye to the team I loved so dearly. So... What did I do? I declined.

You're thinking, "Ok, so that's not so bad." Well, you'd be right, if it stopped there. Unfortunately for myself and everyone around me, it didn't. My relationship with my wife was unsteady before I left for CR, and being away from her made it so much worse... I started to dig within myself and brood over something that was eating me up inside: was I right for her? When I got back, I thought the answer was "no." It will haunt me to this day, but I realized my actions in July and August were reminiscent of a young boy looking through a peep-hole in a fence thinking "wow, look how cool it looks over there," then hopping the fence only to realize how truly amazing life was where I came from.

What happened? How was this "the worst mistake of my life?"

1. Well, I declined an AMAZING job opportunity and downright torched a bridge with Blueprint... the best company I've ever worked for thus far.
2. I broke her and my heart for thinking life could get better than what I already had.
3. Without fully planning my lay-off, I (apparently) left Blueprint improperly and lost my chance at claiming unemployment from the Employment Security Department (ESD).
4. I had to "transition" back into my childhood home.
5. I am now gainfully unemployed. People on the street call it "consulting." It really means "I'm broke."
6. I am riddled with personal debts without income. Never ok.
7. I can now say I live with regrets.

Moving Forward.

After life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Isn't that what they say? The choices I made, the things I said, the lack of personal Change Management led me to a very dark place. Only over the last couple of weeks have I started to make a comeback.

I've applied to over... 200 jobs on multiple sites: Dice, Indeed, Monster, CareerBuilder, StartWire, TechFetch, Zip Recruiter and a few others I've forgotten. I've sent in direct-hire profiles to big-name companies and smaller managed service providers.

I've created blogs, social media sites, I've updated my LinkedIn, updated my website, created a Salesforce trial account, pulled up resources about learning Python, Agile, ITIL, and SEO.

And you know what? It's working. I've been declined A LOT. But I'm making headway. I feel like I am in control of my own destiny (albeit VERY broke). I am learning at such a quick pace its astounding and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Let's flip this into a success story.

1. Blueprint isn't the only company out there and my experience in O365, migration, team management and technical support is valuable in the IT industry.
2. Time heals all wounds.
3. If I am able to find employment soon, then ESD benefits don't really matter, do they? Did I ever really need them?
4. I love my parents. I count my lucky stars and happily say that moving back has helped me center myself.
5. Being unemployed is not a full time gig. It's a time for you to truly discover what you want to do. My favorite LinkedIn personality Ingrid Johnson says: "People... are not trees." She's absolutely right, we have the ability to change and evolve as individuals. I just need to make sure I manage my own change closely.
6. Debts can wait. My future is bright.
7. I have to live with the decisions I've made and move on.

"Every success story is a tale of constant adaption, revision and change."

When I think about the path forward, I worry. Don't we all? As I write, publish, and share this article, I ask myself... Have I burned all my bridges? Richard Branson says: "Every success story is a tale of constant adaption, revision and change." He inspires me to succeed. Though our childhoods were different, when I read about his drive for pursuing his own version of happiness and sharing it with others I can't help but feel a small spark of delight. This UBER successful and caring man has the same human outlook on life. His personal story is one of striving through adversity and creating his own version of success wherever he goes. His mother, Eve tells it best:

“Life was tough. We lived in a condemned cottage and I made cushions and little trinkets – anything I could sell to Harrods for a pound or two. Our only treat was a glass of cider on Sundays.”

Heh. Maybe one day I'll get there... or at the very least continue to pursue my own version of happiness.

Onward

As of 10/16 I am still hunting for my next role. I have skills, I have a voice, and I want to make a difference and continue learning. Take a look at my website or my LinkedIn page or maybe even my Indeed profile to see my employment history and reach out if you'd like to begin a conversation.

Thoughts?

Please comment below and let me know what you think of this article!