CHANGING PERCEPTIONS

I've often been asked how to change someone's perception. Before we can talk about changing a perception, we have to understand what a "perception gap" is and how they happen. Imagine the following scenario: You and another person are friends in high school or college and get to know each other pretty well. You graduate and leave for jobs, get married, move, or any number of life's changes that can happen to people.  You don't stay in close contact with that person, and then 20 years later, you get an invitation from them to come to a reunion. Since you were good friends, you decide to go.  

What is your expectation of them? Will they be the same? Are they any different? How do you still remember them?  You go to the reunion and meet your old friend. They may or may not look the same but their "attitude" or demeanor is perceived by you to be much different than you remembered. She/he tells you that they haven't changed at all, and they don't know why you perceive them as different. You have just experienced a "Perception Gap."  This "Perception Gap" can also happen if the other person feels that they have changed, yet you perceive them as not having changed at all.

What if... you are not happy with the way you are perceived by others? What if you feel others see you differently than you see yourself? How do you change that perception? Can you change that perception? Is it up to you or the other person to change the perception they have of you?  What if it is a misperception?  What if it is your boss's perception of you that you feel is incorrect or unwarranted? 

First, you have to consider that, "You can't change someone's mind, until you change someone's mind!"  There has to be some new or different sensory input, or a different mental schema for interpreting the sensory information. It is up to the person who wants to change the perception/misperception to provide new or different information. This usually happens in a couple ways. One way involves stopping or starting something, providing some new information, changing a specific behavior or way of speaking, etc., which contradicts the previous perception. The other way is by providing a new way to look at the same sensory information.  Let's consider some examples to illustrate this.

Example #1: Let's say you are perceived as the "office clown" because you do like to joke and laugh with people in the office.  But you are also seeking a promotion to manager. You start to hear people talk, or make comments about the promotions and your perception as the "office clown."  You also hear a comment from your boss to another employee and she says, "I need someone who takes things seriously for the manager's job," and you think her perception of you may be hurting your chances for promotion. What do you do?

• Try this:  Consider that a professional is there to work, not tell jokes and make everything fun. There is time for fun, but we get paid to do a job. If you're perceived as an "office clown" that just wants to have fun, change that perception. Don't tell so many jokes, be more professional. If someone asks you to tell jokes, politely say something like, "I can't think of any because I need to get (some work project) done. Leave the group of joking employees to go back to work and change that perception. They may first ask you what is wrong or if you're O.K., which means that they noticed something different. If they ask, just tell them politely that you want people to also see you as the professional and not just a jokester or office clown, etc. If said in a polite supportive, way asking for their understanding, this will go a long way towards helping others see you differently.

Example #2: Let's say you are perceived as "disgruntled." You are told by your boss that your negative attitude about everything is affecting others and/or reflecting on you negatively. Or, worse yet, you embrace the role of "organizational antagonist" and even introduce yourself as the " company jerk," "trouble-maker," or even "pot-stirrer" of the organization.  Yet, when you get passed over for promotion, bonus, or special assignments, or worse yet, have responsibilities taken away from you, you don't understand why. You may even get upset because of your perceived organizational inequity and file a complaint.

• Try this: Seek out the source of the perception. Be willing to accept criticism without becoming defensive. Maybe you just aren't seeing what they see?  Your self-image and your reputation may be way off from one another. Try being the professional and don't call yourself the company "jerk," "trouble-maker," or "pot-stirrer."  Let the others see you as a professional and filter your comments, say things that support the organization and its goals.

Next, be proactive in making sure others (especially your direct supervisor) know you are trying to change that perception. Say things like, "That's the old me, this is the new me," "I'm trying to improve myself," "That is no longer accepted behavior, this is what I do now," or something that lets them know there was some change in behavior, ideals, values, etc., and be sure to be congruent in your actions and statements. 

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER…

 If you don't like the perception others have of you, you have to be proactive and take some action to change the perception. We can hope and wish for people to see us differently, but if we don't do something to change their perception with new information, then their perception will stay the same. Only after getting some new information or a different way to consider the information will there be any change in perception or misperception. 

Bottom-line: It is up to you to make the changes! You have the power to change their minds. Moreover, you are in control of making the changes you want to them to see. 

QUOTES TO PUT INTO PRACTICE… 

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." 

- Warren Buffet, Billionaire Businessman

"All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not the truth."  

- Friedrich Nietzsche, Philosopher

About the Author: Dr. Chris Fuzie is the owner of CMF Leadership Consulting. Chris is a Leaderologist, developer, trainer, consultant for leadership of public, private, profit, and non-profit organizations. Chris holds a Doctor of Education (Ed. D), M.A. and B.A. in Organizational Leadership, and has graduate certificates in Human Resources and Criminal Justice Education. Chris is a graduate of the FBI National Academy and a former National Instructor for the International Association of Chiefs of Police. Chris is the author of "Because Why... Understanding Behavior in Exigencies." and of "S.C.O.R.E. Performance Counseling: Save the Relationship, Change the Behavior." Chris is an honorably retired Lieutenant/Commander from the Modesto Police Department after 28 years of public service, and currently is the Business/HR Manager for a District Attorney’s office in California.