Chapter 9: Light In The Darkness

“Don't be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you've been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what?” - Marcus Aurelius

I purposely tried to keep this book short. Life is hard and time is our most precious commodity. Sure, we all might read a 500 page book for escapism or entertainment, but a book on what sounds suspiciously like homework? That’s a tough sell and I get that.

My father, Trevor Horne, wrote a book called Building Bridges: Embracing NLP for Better Mediation. I am interested in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and I am more than happy to support my dad.

But I have not read it. Nope. Bad son standing right here.

But aaargh! It’s a grown up book. It’s a book for adulting, and corporations, and people who wear ties.

Its 282 pages (which I guess isn’t that bad) with a grown up cover, and grown up chapter headings. So I haven’t read it. My dad sent me a copy, and it’s in my “to read” pile But I read other books instead. Shorter books. Easier to read books.

I am sure it’s a great book, but it has the feel of work.

If you read it, let me know what you think.

Damn it. As I write this, I am convincing myself to start reading it.

Maybe I am not a bad son after all.

So. This book. It’s a short fast read, full of signposts to help you find other sources that can help you on your quest. There is SO much choice out there, how do you know if something is worth reading, watching, playing, or listening too?

But you have read this far, so I guess you must at least like how I come across. Maybe we have a bit of trust going?

So here are my suggestions of books and TED talks that had a profound and deep impact on my life, and might be of interest to you too.

Book Recommendations

Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig

This is an exploration of how Matt dealt with depression and anxiety. Be careful if you buy this. My wife cried when she saw I had it. So make sure those around you know what you are dealing with and maybe give them some reassurance.

But this is also worth reading even if you have no experience of anxiety or depression as it will give you a deep insight in to what the people who do have it, are going through.

This is a small book, quite a large font. Plenty of white space. Some chapters are a page long, others are a list of ten bullet points.

That’s important. Because when you are depressed it’s really hard to be motivated to do anything, but just maybe, maybe, you can read a one page chapter. And if you can do that…

It is honest, raw, hopeful, and funny.

Matt also makes it very clear that depression is one massive, mother of all monsters, dragon. It’s a fight to end all fights. It’s the major quest, the one you will need all your skills to win.

Do you know that point when you are deep into an RPG game and you keep getting killed by the same monster and so you make a decision. The decision to throw EVERYTHING you have at it. Every spell, scroll, potion, consumable, weapon, and even companion.

That’s the fight with depression.

Philosophy For Life and Other Dangerous Situations by Jules Evans

You probably are more aware of Stoicism than you think. You will have seen memes shared and liked on social media with a quote to help you get through the day.

Quotes by people such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Socrates.

Those quotes are handy anchors to help deal with minor challenges of everyday life. But wouldn’t you like to know a little more?

This is laid out like a day at university. With morning and afternoon lecturers by some of the key names in Stoic philosophy. It imagines that all these philosophers were teaching at the same school, and we get to learn about the different nuances and styles that are within the school of Stoicism.

Sure, not all of them appeal to me. Masturbating in public, for example. But there are real world examples of people using Stoicism in the modern world. Such as soldiers, nurses, etc. 

You can use an ancient philosophy to deal with the modern world!

How amazing is that?

The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Clason

While I was on a course in Edinburgh we were speaking about finances and debt, and one man talked about how he had gone bankrupt but was now doing very well. When asked what changed, he said that he had read this book.

I asked what it was called and made a mental note to one day get it, but not today – after all, a book on finances and history does not sound like fun.

But he then said that it was only a short book and held his thumb and forefinger apart about a centimetre. I ordered it that night.

Eleven chapters, that each tell a parable, set in Babylon.

It’s easy to read, and actually quite simple. Budget, save, invest, passive income etc. Nothing you have not heard before, but because it is presented in a somewhat romantic way, it embeds deep.

Or at least it did with me. It felt like a new line of code had been added to my brain computer.

I understand those lessons, rather than just know them. Give it a go.

 The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steve Peters

This book was mentioned in that same course in Edinburgh. It must have been in a room of very wise people indeed.

I recommend this probably more than any other book, because this will give you an understanding of how our minds work, and in what way we can hack them to be more successful, happy, and confident.

It’s a simple premise. The author breaks down your brain into three parts: the Monkey, Human, and Computer.

The Monkey is fearful, and wants security, and friends, and food and sleep and sex, amongst other things. It’s also stronger than the human part, especially when it has not been trained. It is also even stronger at night, which is why we can blow things out of proportion in the early hours of the morning. The Monkey responds emotionally.

The Human responds logically, and has the job of listening to the Monkey, but also trying to act on what is for the best. Both of them look to the computer for core programming on how they should behave.

As a media specialist I am all too aware that we are (in part) a product of our programming, and so being given tips on how to write new code for my brain was like being given a super power.

Professor Steve Peters is insanely well-qualified, but this book is engaging, fun, and understandable. He talks about goblins and gremlins, which makes it all seem accessible.

The Writer’s Journey by Chris Vogler

Of course this was going to be on the list! Chris emailed me back and gave me permission to quote this book. I love the book, and now I am a super fan of his. He didn’t just reply, oh no. He replied and said he had read my Skyrim article and went on to talk about games he plays. He connected as a person (and a mentor).

So this is a guide for life. I spoke about it in chapter 2, but it really is worth reading the whole book. It’s a big one, and I read it for university. However it is accessible and obviously goes into far more detail and gives more understanding than I ever could.

TED Talk Recommendations

One of my favourite things to do each new academic year is to introduce my students to TED talks. It is an insane resource of usually powerful short videos that focus on spreading ideas. They cover virtually every subject and can be funny, inspiring, fascinating, mind-blowing, and beautiful. Sure, not all of them will connect with you, but every so often one will completely change your perspective of the world.

There are well known, inspirational speakers that you would love to have as mentors. If they were doing a talk next door, you would go! People like Steve Jobs, Stephen Hawking, Richard Dawkins, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Edward Snowden, Al Gore, and Julian Assange.

Here are a few of the talks I go back to year on year. It is no Surprise to me that they are some of the most watched in TED history.

Sir Ken Robinson

In my teaching community this guy’s talks are spread around very regularly, and each time we see them we comment and share once more. He reminds us why we teach, and what we actually hope to achieve vs. endless admin and pigeon holing.

We know what a good education is. The leaders in our field know, the teachers know, and governments know. But for some reason, no government acts to implement it.

Check out Michael Moore’s film Where to Invade Next; specifically when he looks at the education system in Finland.

The talk to start with is Do Schools Kill Creativity? I love the way he presents, because he does it through storytelling.

Watch the talk. If the educational system let you down, it was not your fault. Put it behind you, and now move on to smash your life! You have time!

Amy Cuddy

I have mentioned Amy earlier in the book, and her TED talk has stirred up a bit of a debate questioning the science behind it. But my experience has been that there is some truth in what she says. How you hold your body, impacts your emotions. It can also impact the emotions of others.

This seems obvious to me, as it’s so integral to media, filmmaking, acting… and even martial arts. We call it game face, and it goes back to Sun Tzu in the Art of War, “appear weak when you are strong and strong when you are weak.”

Stand tall, shoulders back, in a Wonder Woman pose. Hold it for two minutes. Anything happen?

If not, maybe you need different imagery.

But understanding body language is a cool life hack. Do you recognise how someone is trying to intimidate you? Or excuse you? It can be like playing chess, or rock/paper/scissors. You can counter it, if you recognise it.

Give her talk a watch and let me know what you think.

Andy Puddicombe

Andy is a mindfulness expert and founder of the app Headspace which helps with meditation. He juggles while he does a talk. How awesome is that? He does have a degree in circus arts though, which gives him an advantage. And he is a former Buddhist monk.

He talks about the last time you did nothing. Just sat. I find that fascinating as so many people need constant distraction. A phone, the TV, background music. Are you afraid to be alone, with your mind?

As well you might! Your mind has the capability to create your own personal hell, but you should not run from it you should manage it. But that takes some practice.

Andy gives a chilled discussion on how simple and achievable meditation and mindfulness can be.

It’s about stepping back and observing your emotions in a relaxed and non-judgemental way. It’s a great way to self-awareness and discovering a different perspective. You might not be able to change the world, but you can change how you experience it.

And he juggles. On stage. Giving a talk.

Shawn Achor

The Happy Secret to Better Work is a talk on happiness and potential. I love Shawn’s fast-paced, humorous, delivery that tells personal stories. I love stories, and I think it’s the best way to engage your audience. No one can be you better than you. You have no competition.

But what I particularly like about this talk, is I have found two earlier versions which were not quite as polished. It’s the first time I fully understood that great public speakers practice. They hone the same talk, probably linked to their “why” and beliefs, until it is very slick.

Public speaking is like being a stand-up comedian, you should be practicing your material on friends, family, smaller audiences, up to larger stages.

The content of Shawn’s talk is a wakeup call to how the fields of education, medicine, and psychology, want to pigeonhole us and make us average, or ‘normal’.

He asks we change the way we seek happiness, as we are programmed to seek it from success. Success is always over the horizon because when we achieve something, we change the goalposts.

Please feel free to reach out and connect with me on social media. It would be great to hear from you.

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