The cheat sheet on building the soft skills right in your teen!

Have you ever noticed the way your teen reciprocates after an argument? Ever had a chance to hear the conversation your kid is having with their friend? Has the MMA coach given any feedback about your javelina? You must be wondering why am I raising such “not-so-important” questions.

Even Jack Ma told his son that he doesn't need to be among the top 3, being in the middle is fine so that he would have enough time to learn the soft skills. A being is not complete without soft skills. We as a parent are making our pubescent enrol for online coding classes but to shape their identity, persona and vibes we need to take the soft skills seriously. As a parent, we are the emotional coaches preparing our teens well enough for their life challenges. And the way we look at challenges depends a lot on our habits and perception of life. Below are some soft skills that you should teach your teen:

• Empathy: “Empathy is the medicine the world needs- Judith Orloff”. You cannot function well without empathizing. Humans are social animals and society cannot be formed without having empathy as its wheels. It’s easy to jump to conclusions but tough to understand what the person is going through. We often say that everybody has their journey but fail to understand what this means. The greater the empathy the more helpful you will become. So try to bring empathy to your teens. Ask them to even understand the other side so that it’s easy for them to reciprocate.

Real-life demo: Post an argument or a fight with your teen, and take them out for a doughnut or maybe ice cream. On the way back home, talk about what you were thinking and ask them to re-think what your mental state was. Explain to them that people have their thoughts and ideas and they usually behave the way they think is right.

• Active listening: “Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, and other over self - Dean Jackson”. We live in a world where we are free to express our thoughts. People often have their problems, joy, challenges and stories to share. So while people are sharing their stories, you should be mindfully listening to them so that they feel heard. This helps in building the relationship and trust which is the most desirable thing when it comes to expectations in a relationship. Active listening expands your perception and broadens your understanding of people. Active listening will help your pubescent in identifying the problem.

Real-life demo: It’s storytime. Yes, while you are lying with your teen next to you, frame a hypothetical situation in your mind and communicate the same to them. Ask them about what went wrong, what should have not happened and the best thing they learnt from the situation. Correct them accordingly with a proper explanation.

• Communication: The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard. The great thing about communication is that it can happen anytime and anywhere. Even if it is a small detail or thing that happened last Friday, if you know how to teach your teen to communicate, you are getting there. Communication can help in solving conflicts, bridge the gap and let the sides on the same page. There has been evidence that due to the communication gap, a lot of mishappening and misunderstandings have emerged. So play cool and let your tween know that if they know how to communicate they can get through anything.

Real-life demo: Once you are back home, talk to your tween about how their day went. Ask them little questions about your teen’s everyday experiences and engage with them. Now it’s your turn to tell them precisely about how your day was and see what questions they come up with. Answer their question with little details making sense to the conversation. This way they look into the small details, hear things out, ask questions and share their heart. This is what we call communication

• Time management: Time is the most valuable coin in your life. You and you alone can decide how your coin will be spent. I think this is the problem with all of us, we all have time and we keep complaining about time. The problem is, not knowing how to spend that time in. Helping your teen learn to structure their schedules and adhere to them is a soft skill useful in every arena of life. Be it for the summer camp now or in future might be for a stakeholder presentation, if pubescent know how to allocate their time wisely, they are halfway to conquering their goals. There is a hope of a better tomorrow, every day we sleep at night. Do you know why? Because tomorrow holds new opportunities to do things differently, persistently or wisely. The call is your’s and so is your time.

Real-life demo: Ask your teen to prepare their schedule with all of the things that they want and need. Let them adhere to the plan for a week and see how effective and confident they are growing. If you find any glitch or challenge, ask them to mend it in a better way.

• Leadership skills: In corporate life, we keep chanting about Leadership skills. Do you know what those are? A leader always takes a little more of his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit. In simple words, leadership means taking ownership of a work you are assigned or a work you are a part of. You have to find the way, go the way and show the way. It is important to have leadership skills as this helps in even household chores and personal relationships.

Real Life demo: Before throwing a house party tell your teen that they have to be in charge of entertainment for the party. Assign the game section to your growing-up buddy or a movie maybe. Ask your tween to create a game hour and arrange everything so that people will have fun. See what they come with.

• Creativity: We all know Steve Jobs, right? There is a famous quote from him that states “ Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t do it, they just saw something. It seems obvious to them after a while. Creativity in simple meaning states finding your own way of doing things. Maybe they are coming up with a possibility that no one has heard or seen before. The next time you see your teen doing something differently, let them do it. Let them figure out their chaos. Uplifting creativity nurtures ideas and inspires collective thinking.

Real-life demo: Give them a whiteboard and some colours or markers, and let them paint the canvas they want. Make sure you are not guiding them. In the end, when the board is ready, ask them to explain what they have done and once they are done explaining, do not forget to appreciate their way.

• Self-control: Many times we know that this particular thing does not hold any value for us but still the desire or temptation makes us pursue that. We often make certain decisions by being emotional. The best way to overcome all of it is by practising self-control. You have to train your mind to be tougher than your emotions. But first thing first, be thoughtful about what you want to do. I promise this will take you so much further. All of the above can be overcome by practising self-control.

Real-life demo: OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND, Isn’t this the best way to resist temptation? Let this roll out full-fledged. Reward your teen when they pass small tests of self-control. Please note that Patience is the key here. It cannot happen overnight.

• Adaptability: The more adaptable we are, the more chance we have of getting through. Teens often go heartbroken when something doesn't work as per their plan. Being a parent we have to make them understand that it’s necessary to have a Plan B if Plan A fails. Based on the failures of Plan A we will have to come up with Plan B. One fact we can’t deny is that our happiness, satisfaction and ability to build a quality relationship; is largely dependent on our adaptability skill.

Real-life demo: You can change their schedule after a couple of weeks and bring something off their schedule. Introduce a sudoku game instead of the football match or cancel the picnic they were looking forward to and plan for a grandma visit. This way they will learn how to step out of their comfort zone and adapt to changes as soon as possible. Let them face failures and make them learn that failure is just a few steps away from success.

Yeah, you have finished this article now. How about rolling the above pointers?

What are you waiting for?

Wish you a Rolla Costa parenting because we know parenting is not easy and neither are you!

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