Choosing to Step into My New Name Was Scary as Hell

Welcome to Inclusion Is Leadership, a biweekly infusion of insights, research, and guidance to create inclusive workplaces. Created by Ruchika T. Malhotra, inclusive leadership advisor, founder of Candour, author of Inclusion On Purpose, and creator of the LinkedIn Learning course: Moving DEI from Intention to Impact.

Author’s note: Before I dive into this week’s newsletter, I want to make space to acknowledge that many of us are not okay right now. We are a global society, and the violence and devastation in Gaza, Sudan, Congo, Ukraine, and around the world affects us all. We are right to experience grief. It is important to stay informed and to take action, and it is also important to refill our cups when we need to. Please, during this difficult and heartbreaking time, remember to keep caring for yourself. Rest when you need to so you can keep on in our advocacy for peace.

Hi, I’m Ruchika T. Malhotra. 

It’s been a little over a month since I changed my last name to match that of my husband and son, and I’m still getting used to the way it sounds. But it's starting to feel more like me.

It was also scary as heck to do.

Changing my name wasn’t a decision I made lightly. It’s something I once said I’d never do. As a former journalist and the author of two (soon to be three) books, there are things people know me for. Names can help us stand out, or they can help us fit in. Mine has only done the former.

So why, just as people were starting to recognize my name, did I decide to change it? 

I’ve made a career of creating a sense of belonging, but my last name hadn’t provided me with that for a long time. The reasons are complicated and some of them I’m choosing to keep private. I’ve turned it over and over in my mind, agonizing over the feminist implications of changing my last name to match my husband's. The identity ones. I wondered, for a while, if after having my name butchered for my whole life, what if I chose one that was easily pronounceable in the West, rather than another Indian last name?

But as I finished writing the last chapter of my next book, Uncompete: Dismantling a Competition Mindset to Unlock Liberation, Opportunity, and Peace, the decision became crystal-clear. In it, I write: “In order to create a world that’s better than we found it, our decisions must be guided by the legacy we want to leave. As Jonas Salk reminds us to ask: ‘Are we being good ancestors?’” 

When I realized how much my life's purpose is to try and be good ancestor for my 8-year-old son, it all clicked into place. Being able to leave a legacy for my son through our shared last name, was a choice that made complete sense for me.

Kamala Harris and "Unusual" Names

Of course, all of this happened as Kamala Harris became the Democratic nominee for president!

It’s been pretty tough to escape the 24-hour news cycle lately, so I’m guessing you’ve heard a clip (or three) of someone mispronouncing VP Harris’ name — often intentionally. 

Pronouncing names correctly is a fundamental part of inclusion and anti-racism, without it, the person will always be “other.” Which we know some people are exploiting to cause harm. I also imagine an America where pronouncing names correctly and honoring people's heritage and identities becomes the norm, not the exception.

I can deeply relate to the Veep's mispronounciation experience. My first and last name have been mispronounced my whole life. I’ve experienced it first hand in every school, college, workplace, and social setting I’ve been in. Growing up, I felt a lot of shame about my name, and my path to reclaiming it with pride has been long. And it continues. 

I believe that the binary imposed on us in Western culture shouldn’t be our only choice. If feminism is about agency, we can choose names that empower us. Changing my name to Malhotra feels most reflective of me, not least because of my identity as a mother of color.

I hope very much that sharing my experience may help others, especially those like me with uncommon names, to make choices that reflect their authentic selves. 

Thank you for joining me for another edition of Inclusion is Leadership! Want to learn more? Check out my website, and please consider joining nearly 300,000 people who have taken my LinkedIn Learning course: Moving DEI from Intention to Impact.