Chronic Fatigue, Spirituality and Wellness; Reflections and Sharing

I have been contemplating the ‘mechanics’ of chronic fatigue (CF) over the last few weeks in an effort to come up with an analogy that works for me.

If we take a car engine, when you press the accelerator, this under normal circumstances allows the vehicle to move forwards and pick up speed.

There isn’t anything missing in the series of events catalysed by pressing it. If however something is amiss then the power cannot pick up until it’s fixed.

Going back to our energy, our physical body’s, my experience is that when extremely fatigued the ‘accelerator’ can be pressed to the floor and there’s nothing, nothing but to rest for however long it takes.

It's an analogy that's far too simple as CF is a much more complex 'beast'

To add even more mystery the same inputs create different outcomes depending on the day!

So, in the effort to not breakdown or crash, to a large extent we are shooting in the dark, with breaking down happening far more frequently during the early months, as we get used to the what has effectively become the new norm. On one day doing this feels good, on another not so much, and then you can feel great, completely go for it, only to get what I call payback anywhere between twenty four and forty eight hours later, forcing a period of total rest sometimes for days and weeks.

The missing link in the system needs to be found, and over the last month I believe I may have found it or part of mine, perhaps more correctly, been gifted with it.

How do I know?

I have completed a handful of walks, one the longest for three and a half years of about three miles, up a very gentle steady incline to a trig point with magnificent views. I didn’t know I was going to do it, the intention to just keep going until it felt right. I stopped to rest several times restoring my breathing pattern to normal under no effort, before continuing and ultimately completing the trek.

When I sat down and leant back against the concrete trig point, for the first time in three and a half years I experienced an adrenaline rush as a result of DOING exercise. When I left to return I wasn’t wobbly, balance in tact.

Following the same pattern of activity going down I expected the crash which never came. I opened my eyes the following morning and do what I usually do, checking in to see where I am at', tentatively swung my legs out of bed and stood up. I felt reasonably good and it was significantly different to what I expected. After a small internal celebration of Gratitude I have started to Trust more, and more. A pattern is emerging of me completing something, expecting the familiar need to rest but actually being able to do more.

I dip but then I seem to surf and lift out of it again, not reaching the tell tell signals of imminent crash, nausea and severely failing balance.

It is possibly one of the most welcome shifts I have ever had, and it’s a little scary writing about it as I do not want to call its bluff.

A new resilience has arisen and I hope and pray it stays. It was wonderful to hear feedback from a powerful healer I see regularly as after the session his insights reflected exactly what I had been feeling.

“Now “ he said “we can start”.

I feel the missing link will be different for each of us, but my gut feeling is that this is a significant one for me, and one I have been visualising will come, not knowing if it actually will, trusting that I am in the perfect place at the perfect time at any moment, acknowledging that there are times when that doesn't come quite so easily :)

I am not suddenly back to normal, instead experiencing a familiar fragility but at the same time strength, one that I recognise from being healthy, with a heightened sense of what my body requires. I feel almost as if a fine tuning has occurred and the energy of fragility and strength are dancing an intricate balancing act around the the location of the missing 'link’.

The new status quo needs to be nurtured and as being sensible has literally become a way of life over the last three plus years, in terms of how much effort I put into what I may be doing I am being mindful to put it mildly. Balancing a new found Trust in my enhanced physical capabilties, with the ability to listen even more closely to what's required at any moment.

We are continually pushing our energy systems to the side of chaos just by virtue of living, and those systems are continually striving to bring us back to balance.

Thoughts, feelings and experiences good and bad (bearing in mind that it is just our minds interpretation of anything we experience), all impact directly and instantaneously, to one degree or another.

So, how do we take ourselves to the tipping point where real constant change occurs?

Hope and Trust, once we have fully embraced and accepted our lot, can start to feature and in my opinion bring a huge advantage. Being let’s say ‘very special’ energetically, then if it is the right thing (as each persons journey is unique), it is in holding and embodying these that we give ourselves a real chance. The greatest chance for transformational shifts, one of which may just plug the gap in a leaking or failing energetic system. Hope and Trust lead us to take positive actions however small. Small doesn’t mean no impact. Think about The Butterfly Effect.

Therefore mindset is key for successfully navigating chronic fatigue, and perhaps lifting out of it completely.

The recipe for success whatever that looks like has many, many ingredients and is different for each of us. Personally I feel large helpings of Hope and Trust go a long, long way, and are key elements in all.

Viscerally lived Hope and Trust create openings and the Universe cannot resist an opening for change when all other factors are present in perfection for each individual.

We are never privy to exactly what is required because where would the ‘fun’ be in living life in a physical body without the challenges we get given.

I help others with my healing and have on many occasions worked with clients living with chronic fatigue alongside another illness or because of it. Releasing trauma and building a once again firm and solid foundation.

I am amazed and delighted where I now find myself and really will share some of the other steps that have been key for me next month.

Aspiring to embrace positive change even for a moment, before perhaps being consumed by a previously negative and downcast mood for example, still impacts positively. It’s an opening. Like a colour chart with every single shade of every single colour, the Universe has that particular frequency with which to meet our momentary aspiration, with the potential to create a seed of positive change. Repeat the process often enough and you are heading in the right direction.

The invisible perfection of the complexity of each of our energetic systems is only seen in totality by the Universe.

Its intelligence far exceeds mine and ours. I help people come to this realisation through my work. It helps create a deeper sense of self knowledge. Sometimes a healing will bring a seemingly miraculous recovery in an instant, and sometimes out of nowhere on a journey that may be years in the travelling, an undefined, indescribable ‘cog’ slots into place. Perhaps an acknowledgment of the learning and growth in the journey had. This is what’s happened to me in my opinion and I have seen it in others. Is CF a journey into surrender and acceptance? If we choose, yes. It most certainly has been for me.

None of us know what is around the corner, but I truly believe that it is possible to adopt a positive attitude as a result of true Acceptance, given any situation, and I do not say that lightly. I know I am repeating myself too.

Trying to get CF to fit any type of system is just woolly simply because we are unique Beings and it’s complex.

So, my model. A beaker full of sand, with a hole in that is constantly changing size, will leak the water poured into it, until the hole is filled either temporarily or more permanently with a grain of sand corresponding to the hole size. You can see how random this could be. If we take into account that the flow of water varies too I hope the sense of hit and miss is apparent. The grains of sand constantly change size too!

If the gift of Grace is bestowed, the sand and the hole become one and there is no more leaking. A foundation from which to refill and refuel from internally generated energy starts to kick in gently.

A spiritual connection may deepen and certainly has with me. I also experience being ‘topped up’ and am continually looking to deepen that, mainly through spending as much time as possible in Nature. My healing is different with a fluidity I have not felt before.

Mindset, Hope and Trust in the knowledge that we won’t know if, and or when we may be gifted with the movement of Grace. It is utterly infuriating for the mind. With time it even has to acquiesce grudgingly if we can hold on to that sometimes vague sense of an internal compass existing, ever present, supporting and cradling us on our individual journey’s.

I am looking forward to holding a retreat later in the year, very much. More in next month's edition along with what hints and tips I have found most useful.

Thanks for reading :)

In Heart and as always with Love, Julie