Chuck Wisner shares the significance of mindful interaction, and it's about to get impactful

"What stories are you carrying, and how are you telling them?" In the latest You've Got This, author and leadership expert Chuck Wisner discusses what inspired him to pursue a career pivot from architecture to mediation and communication, how you can make each conversation more meaningful, and the best ways to expand your leadership skills. Don't miss his answers below, along with announcing our next guest, Leslie Motter, President and CEO of Make-A-Wish America.

Victoria: "What inspired you to pivot from architecture to becoming a coach and a mediator?"

Chuck: "In the architecture firm, one of the partners had a drinking problem. As we grew it became an issue with our clients and our employees. Reluctantly, we hired a consultant to help us navigate interpersonal and professional matters. After burning through a few useless consultants (the kind that tells you what you already know), we were introduced to Linda Reid, a leadership coach. To make a long story short, I was blown away by how she assessed the situation, advised and taught us individually and collectively, and helped us create productive tough conversations. It felt magical, and given my long-time interest in philosophy and psychology, I was hooked. My curiosity to learn her trade was insatiable.

I spent four years studying body-mind therapy, mediation, and the ontology of language. With two young kids in tow and a supportive wife, I changed careers, and it has been an extraordinary journey. Also, architecture never left my bones."

Victoria: "In your new book, THE ART OF CONSCIOUS CONVERSATIONS: Transforming How We Talk, Listen, and Interact, you outline four "universal types of conversation" —storytelling, collaborating, creating, and committing. Can you describe some common instances of how someone can use this framework, whether virtually or in-person, to improve communication outcomes?"

Chuck: "Storytelling is the primary conversation. Stories are beautiful things that serve us well until they don't. I was taught a story as a young man that I wasn't a 'big enough man,' and freeing myself of that limiting story changed my life.

 "Every day, we enter conversations with our personal stories. They are helpful, and they are also like an old sweater. They fit, are warm, and we don't want to take them off. Our stories are like that. We adopt them from our experiences, families, and cultures, so they are comforting. But we also get attached to them and identify with them. The trick is to learn to be a witness of them rather than have them have us!"

This shift allows us to enter into everyday interactions more open and mindful. At work and home, how we collaborate with others depends a good deal on how we show up with our stories. I like the image of a closed fist vs. an open fist. In a meeting, if we enter needing to prove our position and be the smartest person in the room, we are itching for a fight, and our fist is ready for battle. Conversely, as we learn to investigate and hold our stories lightly (they aren't the truth), that can open our hands and reveal our thinking, our concerns, and desires. This aikido move changes the dynamics of any conversation.

" And as we have more open-minded and open-hearted conversations, creativity and idea generation follow. Rather than judgment shutting down creative discussions, we can imagine what else might be possible. We have all experienced the moment when ideas bubble up seemingly out of nowhere." 

And finally, the generation of possibilities makes for wiser decisions. Rather than our usual rush to action, we slow down to benefit from collaborative and creative conversations. To improve a meeting or a decision, make a conscious effort to explore multiple perspectives and ideas. Engagement and trust will be the benefactors."

Victoria: "What advice would you have for someone looking to grow their skillset as a leader?"

Chuck: "Begin by exploring your patterns of communication. What stories are you carrying, and how are you telling them? Issues of authority are a tremendous factor in the success of a leader. Most leaders are unaware of the power of their voice, and I call it the power of ten. A seemingly innocent comment by a leader, 'That's a stupid thing to do!', can be received and interpreted as, 'Damn, I am in big trouble!'

"Start by critically assessing your words, tone, emotions, and conversations. Not judgmentally but courageously to increase your self-awareness and the impact it has on others."

Finally, fall in love with questions! We are trained and rewarded for having the answers. The higher you go in a hierarchy, the less likely it is that you can have all the answers. Rather than always advocating and knowing, ask lots of good questions. There is much to learn from your team of experts and Socrates-like coaching to support and grow new talent."

Follow Chuck on LinkedIn. 

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Our next guest: Leslie Motter 

As we approach the holiday season when giving back is top of mind, I'm thrilled to share that our next guest is Leslie Motter, President and CEO of Make-A-Wish America. Since joining Make-A-Wish starting in 2013 as CHRO, and being promoted in 2015 to COO, in August of this year Leslie was appointed President and CEO of the organization. Bringing 20 years of experience in financial services and operations, here's what I'll be asking Leslie:

• Can you share with us a bit about your background and how your career journey through financial services and operations resulted in you joining Make-A-Wish?
• What do you wish more people knew about the work your organization does?
• The work that you do inspires others. How do you personally stay motivated and inspired?

You're welcome to ask your own questions for Leslie in the comments below, and thank you for being a part of You've Got This.