Coaching Challenges - Difficult Clients

The client has the hopes, potential, strengths and resources. The client is the best person (expert) to resolve their problems ~ Solutions Focused Coaching

Recently I had a great discussion with a fellow coach about how applicable the above statement is, when applied in career guidance and coaching for young students who may be dealing with emotional or acceptance issues, insufficient experiences, information about study options or adequate self awareness. 

This begs the question - Is coaching suitable for everyone? What are the exceptions?

To answer this, we have to go back to the basic blocks of all successful coaching sessions - the Client, Coach and Coaching Relationship.

Client - Coachable?

In a coaching relationship, the client sets the agenda and is in the driving seat of the conversation. For the coaching to work, the client has to be motivated and open towards the coaching process. This is not to be confused with how much a client knows, how ready or equipped the client is or how close the client is to solving their problem.

Coach - Chemistry?

Coaches need to be excellent in using their micro-skills (of verbal and non verbal cues), empathy and presence to create the connection chemistry with the client. Good coaches are able to make the client feel comfortable quickly, making it easy to open doors to deep conversations.

Coaching Relationship - Co-Created?

A coaching relationship needs to be co-created by both client and coach and it is built on mutual trust, communication openness and clear understanding of both client and coach's participation and intentions. It is intangible, not a contract or service agreement for the coach's service. It also takes time (and plenty of good conversations) before a coaching relationship can be built.

With these 3 basic blocks in place, a coach can confidently regard the client as the expert, ride on their coaching relationship and help the client realise his/her strengths and potential to move forward.

So what if the basic blocks for coaching are missing?

Essentially, the absence of any of the 3 basic blocks would simply mean that coaching does not exist or will not be effective, FOR THE MOMENT.

In the situation of a young student who is unhappily forced to see a guidance counsellor or fighting depression with clear signs of inflicted self harm, another approach other than coaching needs to be used first. The intervention should be focused on breaking down the student's barriers, and rebuilding the student's trust and confidence. This intervention could mean being a listener, a counsellor or being encouraging, affirmative and giving hope by pointing out past successes and positives even in bleak situations.

Over time, the 3 basic blocks of Coach, Client and Coaching Relationship would show up and then coaching can take place.

Does the Solutions Focused coaching approach make any difference?

As a Solutions Focused Coach, I enjoy using the approach as it had worked for me, for a wide range of clients with different behaviours. I recall using the Solutions Focused approach when assisting a highly abusive client who demanded for me to find him a job. In our first session, I used the approach to help him talk through his demands, point out how resourceful he had been in the past and give him confidence and hope for the future. He came into our second session with more trust and less anger and we were able to discuss job search methods. He even developed a resume for himself with some assistance from me despite his earlier claims that he does not know how to use a computer.

I hope this sharing helps all coaches who are working with people with dysfunctional or limiting behaviours.