Coaching with Confidence: Embracing Vulnerability and the Power of Uncertainty

When I was a starting coach, I used to experience an underlying fear that I was unable to help my clients achieve their goals. This concern shaped much of my journey, and as I continued to gain experience I’ve come to realise that this is a common experience not only for new coaches but for many seasoned professionals as well. The question that often arises is: “What if I can’t help someone?” This question came up for many participants during a recent 5-day Breathwork Masterclass by Kasper van der Meulen that I attended, and it’s one that continues to resonate with me as I work with clients.

When I first started coaching, I struggled with the belief that I needed to have all the answers. I felt like my job was to solve problems that others couldn’t solve for themselves. But the more I coached, the more I realised that coaching isn’t about providing all the solutions. It’s about guiding people through their own discoveries. It’s about holding space for vulnerability and allowing your clients to explore and uncover their own truth.

The Pressure to Provide Solutions

One of the biggest challenges I’ve seen in the coaching industry is the pressure many new coaches feel to “fix” their clients. This belief is rooted in the idea that as a coach, you should have the answers, especially when your clients are dealing with challenges that may feel overwhelming. Whether they’re struggling with leadership, relationships, or personal growth, there’s often an unspoken expectation that we, as coaches, should have the expertise to offer immediate solutions. But this mindset can lead to burnout and a sense of inadequacy, particularly when the solutions you offer don’t resonate with your clients.

This belief that we must solve problems we may know little about isn't serving us at all. We place ourselves in a position where we feel we must offer guidance on topics that may be completely outside of our expertise or experience. As I began my own coaching practice, I encountered the same fears many coaches face: Who am I to coach people? Who am I to tell someone how to live their life? I have about half of their years in life experience...

For me, it’s been an ongoing exploration of shifting my perspective from being someone who “fixes” people to someone who facilitates transformation. In this role, I don’t have to have all the answers - my job is to ask the right questions, create an environment of trust and curiosity, and allow my clients to step into their own potential.

Embracing Vulnerability as a Coach

A key realisation in my coaching practice came when I reflected on my own age. At age 19, I was already coaching individuals who were often way older and had more life experience. Some clients, particularly those in leadership roles, would express doubt: “How can you coach me? You’re so much younger than I am!” Yet, I found that my lack of experience in certain areas didn’t matter nearly as much as my ability to hold space for their growth.

One example of this is a recent coaching session I had with a father who was struggling with his relationship with his daughter. He felt that his daughter didn’t understand the importance of his work and that it was impacting their bond. Despite not being a father myself, I was able to coach him to a breakthrough simply by asking a few curious questions and holding space for him to explore his own feelings. This experience confirmed that you don’t need to be an expert in your client’s specific challenge to help them uncover their own answers.

This is where vulnerability comes in. As coaches, we must be willing to sit in the dark with our clients - without an agenda and without the pressure to “fix” anything. Instead, we allow ourselves to be present with them in their struggles, knowing that we don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is simply be present and ask the right questions. This creates an environment where the client feels heard, understood, and empowered to find their own way forward.

Into the Unknown

One of the fears I sometimes observe in starting coaches is the fear of not knowing. It’s a fear that holds many coaches back from truly stepping into their potential. When we don’t have the answers, there’s often a sense of insecurity or inadequacy that arises. This fear can cause coaches to rush into problem-solving, offering solutions they believe will work based on their own experiences or what they’ve learned from books and seminars. However, this often misses the mark because it doesn’t address the root cause of the client’s struggle.

The most profound coaching moments happen when both coach and client find themselves in the same uncertain space, unsure of what comes next. It’s in these moments that real transformation can happen because the client is no longer looking for advice - they’re looking for someone who understands their vulnerability, someone who can reflect their true potential back to them.

I’ve had experiences where I didn’t have a solution for my clients, and that’s okay. What matters is that I can stand with them in those moments, look them in the eye, and say, “I don’t know either, but let’s explore this together.” This creates an environment of mutual respect, where the client doesn’t feel judged or inadequate. Instead, they feel empowered to take the next step on their own.

It's All About Connection

In my coaching sessions, I try to move beyond superficial problem-solving. I avoid giving my clients a checklist of things they “should” do. Instead, I try to get to the heart of their challenges. For example, one client of mine, a CEO, expressed fears about his ability to lead effectively without having all the answers. He worried about being seen as inadequate because he didn’t have the experience of other CEOs. But instead of offering him more business advice or strategies, I encouraged him to explore the root cause of his fear. Through that process, we uncovered that it wasn’t a lack of knowledge or experience holding him back - it was his fear of being vulnerable in front of his team.

It’s these deeper explorations that lead to lasting change. Coaching is not about providing all the answers - it’s about helping people tap into their own wisdom. When we dig into the real fears and limiting beliefs that hold our clients back, we create opportunities for breakthroughs.

Go Deeper

As coaches, we need the courage to go deep. The most effective coaches aren’t those who have all the answers - they’re the ones who have the courage to sit with their clients in the depths of uncertainty and fear. It’s in those moments of vulnerability and mutual exploration that real growth happens.

I once worked with a client who was overwhelmed by the pressure of running multiple businesses. Instead of offering him advice on time management or productivity, I simply asked him: What’s really bothering you? Through our conversation, we uncovered that the real issue wasn’t his workload - it was his fear of failure and letting down his team. Once we acknowledged that fear, he was able to confront it and take action without the pressure of being perfect.

The takeaway here is that, as coaches, our greatest power lies not in having the perfect solution, but in our ability to hold space for our clients’ growth. We must be willing to sit with them in their discomfort and uncertainty and help them explore the depths of their challenges. When we do this, we empower our clients to find their own answers and step into their full potential.

Conclusion

Coaching is not about having all the answers - it’s about guiding your clients through the uncertainty and fear that comes with transformation. It’s about creating a safe space for them to explore their vulnerabilities and uncover the root causes of their struggles. By doing so, we empower them to step into their greatness and take bold action toward their goals.

As coaches, we need to embrace the discomfort of not knowing, because it’s in those moments of uncertainty that true breakthroughs occur. The next time you sit down with a client, remember: you don’t have to have all the answers. All you need is the courage to sit with them, ask the right questions, and reflect their true potential back to them.

By embracing vulnerability, stepping into the unknown, and having the courage to go deeper, we create a coaching environment that leads to profound transformation.

Mick Rutjes