The complexity of belongingness
A sense of belonging is one of the core requirements for mental well-being. We all need to feel connected to other people within some form of community. This need is behind many phenomena in society, from childhood in and out groups, to religious sects. Rejection from a community, which we feel we should belong to, causes strong emotions of anger and resentment, often mixed with shame or a diminished sense of self-worth.
Some years ago, I was invited to a welcoming ceremony in a Maori longhouse in New Zealand. It was one of the most powerful emotional experiences I have had. I could not understand much of what was said, I did not know the history of the community, yet I knew that I was not merely accepted, but valued as a part of this community’s extended membership.
By contrast, in rural communities across the world, fourth or fifth generation residents may still feel they do not belong, because they do not share the common history of the community overall.
The complexities of belongingness are currently being played out in sport. As an example, the cyclist Emily Bridges, who recently transitioned to female, was not allowed to compete in a female competition on the grounds that it was unfair on competitors, who were born as biological women. It’s understandable that Bridges would also feel unfairly treated. It’s a mess – until you recognise that belongingness is not about what you take from a community but what you bring to it.
Communities will resist consciously or unconsciously changes from “interlopers” that threaten the status quo. This might be to protect the interests of those already in the community (for example, white privilege) or to protect the core values of the community (for example, professional bodies in coaching refusing to accept membership applications from “astrological coaches”[1]). Immigrant communities that bring new or needed skills receive a much warmer welcome than those that don’t.
Becoming welcomed into a community depends, therefore, on the social exchange that takes place. In the cycling example, the question that needs to be answered is How can both sides respect and value each other? In other words, what is the contribution a trans person can bring to female cycling and vice versa. One option to consider is differentiating between competing and taking part. What a wonderful pace-setter Bridges would make for the female-by-birth competitors! Would this recognition compensate for not being eligible for the medals? It doesn’t matter whether this is a viable solution or not. The principle is that communities embrace outsiders when there is a clear exchange of value and an appreciation of each other’s values.
I see this model of exchange between communities promoting belongingness in many areas of work and society. I am a social scientist, not a psychologist. I speak at psychology events and supervise coaching psychologists. I don’t need or want to be part of the “inner core” of psychology. I am content to be at the crossroads between the two disciplines. I belong enough in the world of psychology.
If we extrapolate to the world of work, our first challenge is to define the communities, to which people feel they do or don’t have a sense of belonging. This perspective can be very different from within than from outside. Auditing belongingness can provide a starting point for people to explore each other’s perspectives, to establish where communities intersect and where there is a gulf between them, to explore the exchange of values and value and to surface the pain of perceived unfairness. From this foundation, we can start to build more diverse communities that create greater value for their members and for the stakeholders they serve.
Recommended reading
Two excellent books that explore these issues – both published this year – are:
· Helen May, Everyone Included: Improve belonging, diversity and inclusion in your team, Pearson
Recommended by LinkedIn
· Salma Shah, Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging in Coaching, Kogan Page
© David Clutterbuck, 2022
[1] Yes., it happened!
Executive Coach | Culture Change & Leadership Development Consulting
2yThanks Prof David Clutterbuck here is a wonderful book on Belonging that I highly recommend. My favourite line’To feel a sense of belonging is to feel accepted, to feel see and to feel included by a group of people, believing that we fit in, trusting we will be protected by them.’
Trust lead for Advanced Clinical Practice
2yPowerful article I love the bit about belonging by bringing value. Thanks fro sharing
Scaling up leadership in SMEs and startups, improving bottom line results, taking teams from good to great, using sage team tactics.
2yVanessa Fudge Satu Kreula Alyse Ashton Dawn Jarvis looking forward to exploring the belonging issue even more. I agree it’s a core requirement for our mental well being. Thanks Prof David Clutterbuck
Prof David Clutterbuck thank you for this post. I was drawn to the idea of social exchange and what value can we add/contribute to the communities we would like to belong to, kept lingering. To me belongingness was about creating spaces where people can be themselves, which makes them feel accepted and included, where variety/diversity is valued or the diversity is what actually adds value. Thank you for the book recommendations.
Building Resilience in Female Leaders | Use that Experience of Adversity | Let go of your Fears and Take Action | Know that you have your Life Philosophy.
2yThe issue of belonging has been with me for most of my life. This article really resonates with me. It is finding that intersection of where I belong that is my present goal. Thank you for sharing.