Confidence: How to get it

Confidence is something we all talk about, we all strive for, and we all look to build, but what are the ‘layers’ we need to build confidence? Some ideas in the beginning may be obvious or may not apply to you. Go through the list and be honest with yourself – if you are not doing these things and feel bad about your confidence, then these need to be worked on.

The list gets ‘deeper’ as you go through it, so I highly recommend you read the entire list and find out which layer(s) to focus on to help you build great self-confidence:

Where?

Is your home or work pleasant and clean? Few people live or work in a palace, however some simple changes around cleaning, ornaments or flowers can provide that boost. Do you make the time and effort to regularly go out to meet up with positive people? We are social animals and need to have that part of us ‘fed’. People who are socially satisfied by family or reliable friendships, come across as confident as they do not yearn for connection when meeting new people or trying to make a good impression at work.

What?

Some behaviours build confidence while others undermine it. Even if you are a bit of a party animal, behaviours around proper exercise, diet, self-care and wearing well-presented clothing help.

None of these need to be expensive or excessively time consuming, but these elements can help you to feel more energetic and thereby more confident. Likewise, being well presented gives a hidden message that you care for yourself: a key factor in confidence. 

Skills?

Sometimes we need to learn new skills. A personal trainer or Learning for Success NLP practitioner can help you learn the skills of some of these practices. Other skills from NLP or meditation can teach you how to better manage and understand your own emotions. Often these are not actually that complex, but simply require a shift in what is important to you or..

Values?

If you don’t value some of these physical and mental health practices, question why? Try listing what values you hold and work out which of these are working for you and which of these are not. To build confidence, it may take re-evaluating your values and shifting your priorities, so more important factors become of value to you, unless…

Beliefs?

You believe it is somehow not possible for you to be a confident person or you are incapable of gaining or regularly practicing these skills. Perhaps you believe that confident people are arrogant or rude. At this level, you can question who may have influenced you to hold these unhelpful beliefs, or think of a counter example of someone you know who is confident but isn’t arrogant? Reading good books can also help you challenge some of these beliefs. As Stephen Covey said ‘those who don’t read are not really that different from those who can’t read.’  However, you may also believe at some deep level that…

Identity?

You don’t deserve confidence or are unworthy of being a confident person? You are not enough. If this is the case, some deeper exploration from coaching, therapy or NLP can help change any negative decisions you made about yourself in the past and help you redefine yourself as deserving confidence as much as anyone else.

However, another way that helps and can sometimes shift identity is…

Vision?

As Nietzsche said: “He who has a ‘why’ to live can stand almost any ‘how’” – finding a long term goal you can devote yourself to – which usually benefits more than just you -can hugely grow your self-confidence. Meditation, prayer and time in nature are also important ways of connecting with this more ethereal energy.

Often people who seem self-confident started out feeling insecure, yet their passion and drive to attain their purpose slowly alighted all of their activities and lead to self-confidence as a by-product of their desire to make a difference for themselves and other people.

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