Confidence Live: A week after the...biggest, hardest, best thing I have ever done

I am writing this in bed, where I have spent a significant amount of time for the past week. If you've had the misfortune of being my LINKEDIN FRIEND for the past few months you probably saw my relentless posts about Confidence Live.

My therapist once told me I am (and I quote!) optimistically delusional. Ha.

I tend to assume things are just going to work out, I can be naive about how hard things are. I am not very good at seeing risk. Your girl is a compliance nightmare. Accountants lose sleep over women like me.

And when, in July time last year I booked a thousand person venue and decided to wing organising a massive conference in my hometown, Stoke-on-Trent, that optimistic delusion was in full force.

Reader, I had no idea how hard, how intense, how emotionally vulnerable it was going to be. I hadn't considered the emotional impact of inviting hundreds of people to a stage I performed on when I was young, looking down and seeing my mum's older and frailer face in the audience. I hadn't considered how fucking...expensive it would be. I spent nearly four thousand pounds on a bloody vegan curry. I spent tens of thousands on speakers. I invested a small mortgage deposit on lights.

A couple of years ago my businesses had completely bottomed out from the pandemic and my cash reserves were as dry as dinner with your posh friends' parents, so even the fact I was able to do this, and brave enough to take that risk, makes me incredibly proud.

It's taken me a week to land, to gather the feedback, to remove the raw emotion from it all and to be able to think, rationally, about how it all went.

So here goes.

The awesome bits

1. Boom Shak A Lak

Personally, I think my favourite moment was watching multi platinum artist Apache Indian walking into the venue with his team. He apparently asked my best friend Jamie McHale (who, given his background in film, I'd roped in to being the talent manager for the day) very indepth technical questions about music and sound and reverb and Jamie looked him square in the eyes and said "yes".

He was such a pro, he did a short talk about the value of music in underrepresented communities and got everyone dancing in the weirdest, most unlikely scenario.

2. Literally all of the speakers

Thank you thank you thank you Dr Shani Dhanda Jessica Jones James Routledge Thierry Ngutegure Desree Gumbs-Carty Harnaam Kaur Briony Gunson Mark Briant Natalia Puglia and CAITLIN BLOODY MORAN.

3. My big brother and his blazer reveals

When I arranged the conference I knew I needed my brother Kieran Fenby-Hulse to moderate. He's a lecturer in responsible leadership, he's wildly smart, hilarious, questions norms and most of all, is unapologetically himself. He opened the day with him singing This Is Me. He can't really sing. I mean...he can...but not like...well. It was the most perfect tone to start the day and I am proud of him.

4. The production, the lights, the vibes

I invested a huge chunk of the budget in lights, screens, good tech, different mics, incredible sound because I wanted to create a feeling of joy and play and confidence in the space. I wanted it to feel more like a celebration than a conference. And I think I did that in spades. The team Cannock Sound Hire Ltd got up at 3am to get everything set up. They didn't complain once. They were accommodating, happy, let speakers change slides last minute and were a joy to work with. They managed to take my BRAIN FART VISION and make it real.

5. The catering

If you were there you may remember a huge snaking queue for food at lunch. I was sacred for a moment there. But all in all I am proud of the catering, because half of it was provided by Brighter Futures Housing Association . They are a charity doing hugely impactful and important work on the hard edge of homelessness. They had never catered an event so big. It was a big ask. And they nailed it. I don't care if there was a queue, everyone got fed in decent time. I do care, deeply, that the food we chose had a positive impact on the community. And I am so so proud of the team for the confidence in themselves and how well they delivered on the day. We also had non stop coffee. Yes there were queues at times and the team at Nespresso were exhausted by the end of the day, but all in a all, nonstop unlimited great coffee is a win.

6. The feedback

I've had so many emails, messages, tweets, phonecalls from people telling me how awesome the day was.

My response has been kind of...to immediately go I CAN MAKE IT BETTER LET ME MAKE IT BETTER so I am going to take a moment to acknowledge the HOARDS of people who were genuinely, meaningfully, positively impacted by the conference.

Your kind words have been saved IN A GOOGLE DRIVE FOLDER, the only right place for realised dreams.

The bits to improve on

You can never please everyone or get everything right and I am so open to feedback and suggestions on how we can get better, so thank you to those of you who have shared. Here's what we're going to get better next time.

More obvious quiet spaces

We did have separate rooms, breakout spaces, areas to chill; but in the liveliness of the day and the preparation I don't think we did a good job at all of communicating that. Noted for next time.

Training alongside talks

I focused on storytelling and representation for the lineup and I think that was the right thing to do, but I also think we can add an element of practical, workshop style training and coaching to make the day even more impactful. We'll work that in.

Clearer communication around the intention of the day

I got a little bit of feedback that the day was too DEI focused. I think I am going to say thank you for your thoughts and leave that one...for me, in my heart, we simply can't have a conference on confidence without directly addressing systemic issues that create an unequal playing field in the first place. So I am not going to change that, but I can and will, be even clearer and more intentional about what attendees can expect. Likewise confetti cannons - these were a little polarising (we live and learn!). 98% of people loved them, but some people really didn't. I understand that, I accept it, I hear it. I think we'll keep them in the future but find ways to make it clearer when they are happening, give people the out to make sure we're creating an environment for all.

Work out how to make money lol?

I didn't make any money from Confidence Live. I haven't looked at the final budget (honestly towards the end I didn't really dare ha). I just...deeply wanted to create something joyful for people, to give back to local communities and to give people an opportunity to laugh and dance and play in a difficult year after difficult years and I didn't want something as simple as money to get in the way of that. (Told you I am an accountants nightmare). But...if we go again I need to make it a profitable, longterm, viable business.

So, please, partner with us?! THANKS.

Final thoughts

I want to give another huge thank you to everyone who attended, to our partners Staffordshire Chambers of Commerce Crafted Yard Digital and to every single person who shared, liked and watched from the sideslines.

Thank you thank you thank you.

If you want to hear about next year, where I think we'll go again even bigger and better after I have had a nap and given the old American Express a breather - you can join the waitlist below.

www.confidencelive.com