Connecting with People

Connecting with People

LinkedIn is a tremendous vehicle for connecting with people you do not know. I continue to find incredible people with interesting stories to tell, tremendous resources to share, and the ability to inspire and encourage others. Here is an approach I often take with new connections.

“It's great connecting with you. How are you? I love connecting with people, hearing your stories and learning from you. I look forward to hearing from you!”

As a point for future conversations, I often also ask this question...” If you could change one thing about your life or your business, what would it be?” It is one of several questions I ask to help my contact think in new ways, and to help to get to know them a little better. If after a while I do not hear back from them, I might also send the following…” Just following up! I would love to hear back from you. Hope all is well.

I’m curious? Why did you accept my request to begin with” I might also continue, "I wanted to connect with you because I saw your story as unique and interesting," and I go on to give a couple details why. “I am interested in stories such as this and in finding out more about people with unique experiences.”

Today, I received the following response from one of the connections I followed up with recently.  It set me back a little. “Bob - I haven’t responded because your first question is incredibly invasive, and I don’t know you at all. You’re a stranger on the internet.”

She went on to say, “To be frank… I appreciate the continued follow up. But none of your messages seem authentic or real and could be spam. Many people spam you here.”  “So if you’re a real person I’d recommend using another approach. Also… people don’t HAVE to respond to people. No one is entitled to my time, and I don’t expect that of other people either. (Edited).”

Here was my response. What do you think? Did I handle it well?

“You are correct in all you responded, you do not know me or owe me anything. The only response I can provide is that you responded to my invitation in the beginning, you agreed to my request for a connection. You must have done so for a reason.” As I noted before, “My purpose, my only purpose in requesting to connect with people I find on LinkedIn is to open a door with individuals I find interesting from their profiles. I ask the question as a way of finding out who they are and what they are thinking about as a basis for future communications and on which I can build relationships. Questions are the key, I have found, to TRUTH.”

I went on to suggest, “If you took (had) the time to check me out at all you would see that I am a very honest, authentic, and straight forward person with a genuine interest in meeting interesting people, helping them where I can, and hearing their stories. I have met some incredible people this way. I will be featuring some of them in a series of articles I will be publishing in the new year. I appreciate your caution about responding to anyone on social media. I am cautious also and only agree or want to connect with people that I have solid connections with (i.e. mutual connections). I also find it interesting that you practically told your life story in the "About" section of your profile and yet feel that my very basic question about change was invasive.”

I still want to pursue this connection because I truly am interested.  I believe that there is so much more to her story and that I, and my readers, could learn some valuable lessons from her. So I continued, “I remain intrigued by you and your success but totally get it if you feel that I have pushed too far. The only other approach I know and have used with several of my connections is to meet in person (after the holidays, of course). I am willing to come your way and to meet in a very public place of your choosing. Perhaps then you will see that I am a real person, with genuine interest and a deep curiosity about interesting people. Have a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!”

I understand that people use and abuse social media for many different reasons. I do not expect to hear back from every connection I make and know that some may take me the wrong way based upon past experiences or their own circumstances. I pride myself on reaching back out to each person that accepts my invitation to connect as courtesy and recognition of the effort they took to accept me. I can tell that several do check my profile out.

I also understand that some are just accepting to build their connection numbers, fear the involvement of engagement, or have other legitimate reasons for “ghosting” me after agreeing to accept the connection.

The TRUTH I have found from this encounter is that connections are hard and difficult. We lack trust, time, and the desire to get to know people on a level below the “easy” hello.  What ways have you found to connect with people, to go beyond the basics to develop relationships of mutual support and respect? Please leave a comment or reply directly. And watch for my series of articles in the new year on some truly interesting people.

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