Coping With Anxiety and Anguish in 5 Simple Steps

Estimated reading time: 4 min 14 sec

When I was in the corporate world, I often suffered from anxiety. Most probably due to bad management or a toxic culture where high performance was always mandatory. When I managed and led people, perfection was the name of the game—fake it till you make it, is an expression you often hear—to cope with our team's challenges and protect them from unnecessary management pressure so that they could have an equilibrated work-life balance, be less stressed and more motivated. Until I cracked and realized I was not superman!

Most leaders are under tremendous pressure to look superhuman.

Under the most adverse conditions, they are requested to perform at high levels, keep poise, and be calm and motivate their teams when they need inspiration and motivation to cope with the pressure and stress of the current business environment. Work-life balance can be negatively affected, and it is common for leaders to feel anxious and anguished like any of us. This can be seen as a sign of weakness, and most leaders suffer in silence and isolation.

Anguish and anxiety sound like they're synonyms, but they're not. Anguish is a feeling of extreme sorrow or mental distress, while anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry or uneasiness. Both are the same feeling: anguish focuses on the past, while anxiety is projected into our future. We feel anxious about arriving late and anguished about losing a dear one.

What Is Anguish?

Anguish is a mental state, a feeling. It's close to anxiety and depression, but it's not quite. Suppose you're feeling about something that has already happened (i.e., being let go from your job or arguing with your partner). In that case, this is anguish rather than anxiety.

Anguish is often caused by stressful situations in life that make us feel overwhelmed and powerless, but traumatic events can also cause it. Suppose you've lost someone close to you, experienced abuse as a child, or been through a significant illness or injury. In that case, anything like that could trigger anguish later down the road when the memories resurface unexpectedly (a song on the radio will remind you of something terrible that happened). The key here is that these painful memories cause so much distress as we feel powerless against them. They leave us helpless when we remember them because there's nothing else we can do except sit with our feelings of anger, sadness and fear.

If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.— Amit Ray

These are some signs of anguish when you feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities or have trouble sleeping because you can't stop thinking about things. You might feel guilty about things that aren't your fault or feel like others would be better off without you. You may even have trouble concentrating on what others are saying to you or doing with them because your mind is elsewhere. Being anxious often comes with feeling depressed and having trouble sleeping well at night (or during the day).

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a reaction to a real or imagined threat. It can be caused by a thought, feeling, or situation. Anxiety can cause physical symptoms like sweating and muscle tension. It can also lead to panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of fear that come on without warning and last for several minutes.

Anxiety is not a mental illness. Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences at some point in life. When you are anxious, you may feel like your heart is racing, and you have shortness of breath, sweating or trembling. These symptoms occur when the body prepares for "fight or flight" mode to protect itself against danger. 

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.— Charles Spurgeon

Unfortunately, non-threatening situations and real threats can activate that same alarm system. For example, when you're approaching an intersection, you usually have to wait for cars to pass before crossing the street. Or someone asks you out on a date (which may be exciting but scary as you might think they won't accept), or you receive an email from HR informing you that your performance review has been scheduled.

How Can You Cope With Anguish and Anxiety in 5 Simple Steps?

1. Talk to someone. If you feel the problem is too much to handle alone, talk about it with a friend or family member or work with a coach. In extreme cases, you should seek medical help.
2. Do something physical. Exercise is an excellent way of releasing tension and stress. It improves mood by releasing endorphins in the brain and helps reduce anxiety symptoms.
3. Do something creative. An outlet such as painting, writing or even playing an instrument can help distract you from negative thoughts while also giving you a focus other than your problems.
4. Take a walk outside in nature if possible (this can be calming). Enjoy the beauty of nature around you.
5. Meditate. Reconnecting with your spiritual being brings comfort when we feel overwhelmed by our emotions and worries about life's circumstances beyond our control.

Can One Experience Both Anguish and Anxiety?

They can co-exist in the same person and even at different times. For example, you might feel anxious about a test tomorrow and then argue with your friend that day. This could cause you to feel anguish over the situation. On the other hand, an event could be very stressful or even traumatic. Still, if it doesn't involve a loved one dying or being seriously injured (which would trigger anxiety), this experience would likely cause anguish instead of anxiety.

People should try not to mix up these two categories because they are very different regarding how long they last. One lasts much longer than all others combined!

One More Thought

Anguish and anxiety feel similar, although they have very different causes. Anguish, on the one hand, is a feeling of intense pain or distress caused by a specific event or situation causing you grief. It can be emotional, physical, or both; it's an overwhelming feeling that makes you feel like you're falling apart. On the other hand, anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease caused by an unknown cause.

Being able to distinguish and recognize these two emotions and their differences is essential for your leadership. Your team will thank you for being able to support them, and they will be grateful that you had their trust to help you navigate the roller coaster of feelings and emotions. Susan David says that emotions are data, and I strongly agree. Emotions do not define you. They make you stronger when you acknowledge them.

Closing down, remember that anguish focuses on something that passed, while anxiety is related to something you are projecting in the future.

Have you ever suffered from anxiety? Did you tell your team that you were feeling anxious or anguished? Did you have a worried team member? What did you do to support them? 

Let me know in the comments below which mechanisms you use to manage your anxiety and anguish.

About Cas

Cas is a dad, a coach, a business leader, and a speaker. He has more than 20 years of management and leadership experience in the corporate world, and he is a certified leadership, career, executive and team coach by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

He is the founder of Bring The Best, which combines coaching with consulting for organisational and business excellence, including turnarounds and growth.

He is an Executive Contributor to Brainz Magazine.

You can talk to Cas here and follow him on Linkedin, Instagram and Twitter.