Could You Pass the Crucial "Sit-Next-To-On-A-Bus" Test?

A recent graduate had just been hired by one of the world’s most prestigious high-tech companies. When I asked her why she was chosen out of the hundreds of candidates vying for that position, she said that it was due to the “sit next to on a bus” test. She went on to explain that there are two categories of job applicants: “The first are those who are so brilliant and talented that they hired on the spot. The rest of us, while not as brilliant, are all smart and capable. Those who get chosen from this category are picked because we seem to be the kind of people who would be good companions on a long bus ride. In other words, we’re likeable.”

It's not only in the hiring process where likeability is an asset, but in every aspect of your career, especially when you have the title and responsibility of leadership. Here are five factors to consider:

Likability is evaluated before confidence.

We constantly evaluate leaders looking for two sets of nonverbal signals: One set of signals conveys power, authority, and status. But the first thing we look for (especially now, when empathy has never been more important) is a collection of “pro-social” signals that display warmth, empathy, and likeability.

In other words, before we care about your confidence, your competence, or your standing in the organization, we check to see if you are “friend or foe.” We want to know if you care about us, value our opinion, and have our best interest at heart.

• Likeable body language starts by keeping your body relaxed and open. Open body language is both positive and persuasive.

• A smile is the facial expression we like the most. It’s an invitation, a sign of welcome. It says, “I'm friendly and approachable.”

• Eye contact also matters. Looking into someone's eyes transmits energy and indicates interest and warmth. To improve your eye contact, make a practice of noticing the eye color of everyone you meet. This slightly extended gaze will make you even more likeable. 

Mirroring increases likeability.

You may not realize it, but when you're with people you like or agree with, you'll automatically begin to match their stance, gestures, and facial expressions. It's a nonverbal signal of connection and engagement.

In a 2015 study published in Psychological Science, Duke University researchers Korrina Duffy and Tanya Chartrand found that extroverts were more likable than more introverted people not because they talked more, but because they were better at mimicking other people’s body language.

As a leader, subtly mirroring team members’ facial expressions and body positions instantly communicates empathy and signals that you understand the feelings of the people around you. This also explains why mirroring body language cues, with the resultant feeling of being “connected,” is such a powerful part of building a collaborative team.

Likeable body language shows you’re listening.

The next time you want to encourage someone to speak, show them that you’re listening: uncross your arms and legs, turn your head and torso to face them directly and try nodding your head using clusters of three. You’ll find that people will talk three to four times more than usual when you nod in this manner.

Leaning forward is another likeable signal that signals you’re engaged and paying attention, as is head tilting. (The head tilt is a universal gesture of giving the other person your ear.) It’s important to hear people. It’s just as important to make sure they know you are listening.

Likeability increases with “the mere exposure effect.”

The mere exposure effect refers to a psychological phenomenon in which people prefer things that they are familiar with. The more frequently people are exposed to something, the more they tend to prefer it. It can even cause us to like people more simply because we spend a lot of time together.

When you design offsite retreats or other workplace events, make sure to provide plenty of opportunities for social activities and to schedule frequent and long breaks. The more your team sees each other and interacts in informal ways, the more they will like each other and build the personal bonds that later translate into collaborative success.

Team unity depends on sending inclusive likeability signals.

During a break at an event where I was the keynote speaker, a man from the audience took me aside to tell this story: “My wife is an attorney, and I have always been a supporter of women in the workplace. I also believe in collaboration and try to make everyone feel included and appreciated. Because of that, I was totally taken aback when a woman on my leadership team said that I didn’t value her opinion. I assured her that I valued and relied on her insights and had often told her so. But then I got curious and asked her what I was doing that made the opposite impression. She said, ‘In meetings, you don’t look at me when I speak.’”

When you use inclusive, “pro-social” body language with all team members, you create an emotionally rich environment that supports collaboration and unity. But when you signal likeability (even unintentionally) to some team members, and neglect to do the same for others, you non-verbally express the signs of exclusion that are consciously or subconsciously registered by everyone else on your team.

Being perceived as likeable can pave the way to rewarding relationships and professional success. Use these likeability tips when you want to make a great first impression, connect with colleagues, build team unity, or pass the “sit next to on a bus test” at your next job interview.

I help talented professionals build their leadership presence. I'm an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events.

For information on my coaching and speaking fees, contact me by phone, 510-526-1727, email Carol@CarolKinseyGoman.com, or through my website www.CarolKinseyGoman.com.