If Covid were an amusement ride...

I love a good Theme Park – the scarier the ride the better for me

Rollercoasters, loop the loops, death drops, shoot up in the air and especially the ones that spin you round like you are inside a washing machine – the anticipation, the adrenaline and ‘on top of the world feeling’ when you get off - its fantastic!

Not keen on that Pirate Ship ride though. Even sitting in the tame middle (while the kids are on the back seat laughing at me)

Swing forward. Swing back. The butterflies are in your stomach. Then in your mouth. It goes on. And on. Almost finished? No. Have another round. Or 5

That is pretty much how lockdown has felt for me

If I were to break it down, it would go like this; 

Denial – it’ll be ok there probably won’t be a Pirate Ship there. If there is, we might not have time for it. Maybe there’ll be a height restriction and I will have to wait with one of the children. There might not be enough time to go on it. Perhaps the kids won’t see it or will be scared about going on…

Back in March, whilst other countries were constrained, the prospect of even a partial lockdown here in the UK seemed absurd. Despite working from home instructions, schools continued as normal. There was no way we were going to have our freedom taken…

Panic – Oh bugger, I can see the damn Pirate Ship. This one is huge. How am I going to cope? Jeez, the kids are going to be scared aswell

Whilst I can proudly say that due to a combination of my inherited compulsion to bulk buy when something is on offer and utter dread of ever being in a position where something essential has run out, there are many household items that we are surplus of 12 weeks in (although we are now down to the last 3 bottles of conditioner). However, once the lockdown instruction came though there was panic in our house at a level never before seen. My husband transformed into a cross between some kind of urban Bear Grylls and a modern day Viking preparing for the apocalypse. Cupboards stocked up with a selection of random long-life items (packet cheese pasta, pickled eggs, tinned ham and gallons of UHT milk?) and designs of utensils turned into maksehift weapons (think potato peeler jammed into mop stick to make a spear) to both potentially protect ourselves and kill squirrels to eat once once our food stash had ran out (don’t worry I wouldn’t have let him). Oh bugger, this lockdown thing is huge. How am I going to cope? Jeez, the kids are going to be scared aswell

The preparation - Waiting in the queue, mental affirmations that you are going to get through this ok. Pull yourself together, there’s small children here. Look there’s no height restriction. It doesn’t even have seatbelts!

Waiting for Boris’ speeches, mental affirmations that you are gong to get through this ok. Pull yourself together, everyone has the same restrictions. Look you have a house with sufficient room for everyone. You are very lucky - you have a garden!

Embarking – actually this is a little bit of a thrill! Look how excited the kids are!

23rd March 2020 was probably a little bit of a thrill for many. The magnitude of full lockdown was so big in comparison to anything else in most of our lifetimes. A chance to be a part of history. Look how excited the kids are for no school!

And we’re off – No mechanical issues. Kids and other riders all enthusiastic...

Day 1 of lockdown – No technical issues. Already set up to work from home and well used to it. Kids enthusiastic about their ‘homework’

First 6 motions – Nice rhythm noise from the tyre rolling underneath. Smooth ride. What was there to fear?!  

No manic mornings, no school run, no commute, more hours in the day, extra cuddles, special family time. Smooth ride. What was there to fear?!

Next 6 motions – Its getting a little uncomfortable. Make sure the kids know to hold onto the bar

Work and look after the children? Make sure they are all doing their school work properly. This isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Raise the bar? More like make sure the kids know there is a bar (for standards, not the bar in the cupboard that needs constant replenishment) 

Next 3 motions – Hold on tight. This things getting faster

Deadlines, renewals, urgent requirements, 2 parents trying to have video calls with shouts of ‘Wipe my bum’, 'He’s stole my pencil' , 'She's nipped me' and non-stop 'Watch this' and 'Can I have'. Hold on tight

Adjust – Deep breath. Sit right back. Lock legs to feel secure and safe

Deep breaths. Sit down and talk about how best to do this between you. Agree day/evening split childcare shifts to secure safety and sanity

Oooh that last ‘up’ was actually quite pleasant – it made me feel all nice and warm inside

The sun is shining, the kids are having the time of their life! They love being able to spend time with us when normally everything is timetabled so strictly.  The extra smiles, hugs and declarations of love from them make me feel all nice and warm inside :-)

The ride drops down quickly, stomach sinks – ‘When are we going to Nanna and Grandads?’ – Oh sorry you can’t. And they can’t come here either. You can look at them through the window though. No hugs. Tears, confusion, fear about dying. Its a lot for them to try and get their little heads around :-(  

Back up – Wow our local area is really pretty! Its great having time to explore. Back down – ‘nip to the shop’ for toilet roll to queue for an hour and find out there’s none left

Up again – Grateful for our home circumstances – Down again – what about single parents with no break? those crammed in small accommodation? in abusive relationships? who are lonely? who have caring responsibilities? family members at risk as on the front line as key workers? and so many other situations. Guilt for our home circumstances

Up – No commute, no school run, less washing. Down - No alone time, no socialising, kids eating non-stop - (think my family have kept Warburtons going throughout this with their umpteen loaves of bread a day - at least we can say we am supporting local!)

Up – No need to wear make up, I can spend that time doing exercise! Down – Gosh, what is that minger in the mirror? Oops, Zoom call with no make up on - frightening! Joe Wickes who? I can honestly say, despite all the outdoor activities, I've never actually felt this unfit before

Up – I’m grateful I'm working. I can help companies look after their people. I can answer the questions they have and relieve their concerns. Its a nice feeling :-) Down – businesses in trouble, hearing of redundancies – family, friends and clients affected. Watching the numbers of Covid cases and deaths increase and increase. Family affected by opportunistic financial scammers. Getting a really bad feeling

Up – Enjoying eating and drinking like I'm on an all-inclusive holiday (normal food not the random stuff – FYI that all got dropped off at the donation station as soon as it was open). Down – Can’t sleep properly at night. Don't even think about getting on the scales or trying to fit into anything other than PJs or sweatpants

Up - My husband really is the best Daddy. I couldn’t be more proud of him. He makes everyday fun for the children! He's done so many physical activities and even built a slide/pool/trampoline combo thingy in the garden - they love it! Down. I can see the effect of having no male adult company is having on him. He’s struggling a lot today

Its getting really high now and I’m starting to feel queasy. Its ok though - we are all healthy. So thankful! Oh God no, two family members have been hospitalised. Tears, legal guardianship discussions, more tears. Actual panic attack after forgetting to take gloves off before opening the car door and touching the steering wheel

Keep breathing, keep breathing, What lovely neighbours we have! The kids aren't lonely, they have each other to play with! We are sticking to the rules! 

This is claustrophobic. Our children are feral animals. They hate each other, They hate us. They are so tearful. Guilt for breaking rules by going for a drive to get 2000m away from each other

VE Day – social interaction! Woop this is amazing! Love the 93 year old lady across the road singing her heart out on the microphone. Overheard our children and the others in the street agreeing that today was the best day of their lives so far!

We have snapped at each other all day. The couple next door had a steaming row. A friend calls in the night in tears after a huge fight with her boyfriend

Oh great its started raining. I can’t see properly and I’ve got water going up my nose. So very grateful that we are both still employed but these split shifts really aren’t working. Totally exhausted trying to manage everything. Working at stupid hours. Routines have all gone to pot. Children suffering. House is a mess. Get me off this ride 

Does it feel like its slowing down?! Oh furlough – yes please?!

Up and Down. And up and down

'Make the most of this time, enjoy every second it’ll never come again!'. Great sentiment but the utter tantrums and meltdowns about online learning, the shame at being irritable and shouting at kids who are just being kids and the constant fear for their futures and mental health have taken the shine right off this

'Reduce the mum guilt about having a career'. Baking, board games, learning dances, writing songs, making a band, dressing up, playing Lego, building tracks. We've mastered bikes without stablizers, learnt how to use heelies, made loomband bracelets, had air hockey championships and are all now experts in making slime. We’ve even had a full on Pirate Party

I’ve literally watched them grow in front of me (probably all those sandwiches and toast - only with square ham though, definitely not round ham). I can safely say though I would happily live the rest of my life without ever laying eyes on another glue stick, glitter tube or pipe cleaner

Boost your relationship – my husband and I have laughed, and cried. We’ve talked, we’ve spent time together we wouldn’t normally. We’ve almost fell apart. We've got stronger

Be a good homemaker. 6 years in the hospitality industry and I don’t remember anything bad about it other than sore feet. Somehow, menu planning, serving tables, non-stop washing dishes and hoovering up to 4 times a day really don’t have the same appeal without any banter, thank you's and tips

Yay – time to get all that DIY done. Nope – plaster, paint and fence panels are now the equivalent of rocking horse urine. Time to sort - get the house in order. Nope, between childcare, checking in on others and exams that have been moved to online there's days where I seriously wonder how there was even time to work

Be at one with nature – beautiful walks, joys of exploring, building dens, fishing, hill rolling, bike riding, digging for treasure.  I've not seen this much greenery since travelling round New Zealand in a camper van (coincidentally a return from this trip resulted in 3 weeks quarantine after being exposed to SARS..) I still can't get past gagging every time I have to clean poop off shoes and clothes

This things not that bad really - I can look back and say that towards the end I actually quite enjoyed it...

WTF! Sure this bloody ship is starting to go faster and higher again. Children are safe to go back to school you say? Oh you don’t? A quick glance round at the other parents – some have fear on their face. Another is already standing up to get off already. That lady with the scarf has settled in for the night cuddling her daughter. Those 3 kids look overjoyed! That boy over there is hysterical, he’s so had enough of this ride now. I want to give him a hug and say ‘Me too, hang on in there kidda’. But I can’t. What about my children? The oldest looks bored. Arms folded. All that spark and initial energy just gone. The younger ones look to be in a mixture of apprehension and shock

Yep its definitely off again. You can feel the stress vibes from the other riders. ‘Is this supposed to happen’, ‘I don’t want to be part of this anymore’ ‘My child is scared’ A kid has puked. One mum is physically shaking with nerves. For the love of God, please let us off 

Acceptance that this journey will go on for a little longer. Gritted teeth. Clenched jaws. Head starting to hurt. Kids confused. We are all fed up. Resentment at the guy supposedly in charge. At those not on this ship. At the others around. At pretty much anyone

Anxiety is kicking in – Will this ever stop? What if the ride is broken and we are stuck on here forever? Am I going to puke? Are those people over there ok? Will there ever be a vaccine? Will anything return to how it was before? Am I going to get ill? Will I lose this job I love so much? The ever increasing sickening knot of worry about finances. How are my beautiful family going to be affected? What about my other loved ones?

I’m so dizzy with this now, I don’t even know who I am. I miss the normality of stable ground. The monotony of one foot in front of another. Being able to give my children the comfort of a steady routine

This ship will dock. It has to. We will disembark eventually. It may be a while before the sea legs get accustomed to land again and there's every chance that we won't be the same as before wellbeing wise (hopefully no peg legs or hook hands) and financially (the chest of coins went overboard about half way through)

But I’m sticking with the wise words of Mr Ronan Keating; 'Life Is A Rollercoaster'

Don’t fight it. You’ve just got to ride it

So come on me hearties, whose looking forward to getting off this ride and onto the next?

Personally, I can't wait to get back to all the anticipation, adrenaline and that feeling of being on top of the world!