The Crucifixion of the Self

About The Box Light Totem

It was not that long ago, around 75 years, when the Argentinian poet J.L. Borges wrote “The Aleph”; a short essay-type of story that quickly became a mind-bending reference in fantastic literature.

In this very particular tale Borges talks about a given place -a very physical one-, under the stairs of a musty basement in the city of Buenos Aires- where “everything” converges. It was called “The Aleph” and it magically held all possible permutations between time and space and everything else in between. Not just a magnificent feat in physics you see, but even more in mental projection.

That was pretty much his art, time and time again and throughout his prolific career, Don Borges would incessantly navigate through mesmerizing meanders made of the most intricate and sublime conjectures just to beautifully find himself -at the very last minute- facing an ocean of paradoxes. His uncanny mastery of the written word tell us that even if a single image is worth a thousand words, "it is with words that we invent the most powerful imagery". Bottom line, the narratives that hold humankind together are made of words, no surprise there.

Generations in and generations out, if there is a truth we could agree on, is that we rely on words, language and symbols to build systems capable of interpreting our ever-changing reality. So if J.L. Borges went ahead and created The Aleph, his very own version of the Absolute and a fundamental coup d’état to Newtonian physics, shouldn’t we all proceed like him? Even more frightening is, how do we know we’re not all doing it right now?

No more Gods, no more state,

every man is a freestanding universe.

Typically, when the mists of religious or political indoctrination dissipate and the skies clear out, we are left alone to face the abyss of total freedom. The paradoxical nature of this equation -made like The Aleph from an inordinate number of variables- is that it appears to be the very same reason coercing us back into the machination of new derisory structures out of thin air, out of fear, out of uncertainty, out of colorful shamanistic illusions… not meant to help us thrive but realistically, meant to help us survive. And survived we managed.

Back a few more centuries, in ancient Greece, the philosopher Parmenides launched the intellect as the single most formidable vector meant to pave our future, and while doing so, he severed our tangible Self from the incomprehensible Spirit. It was at the birthplace of western science where we relegated the Spirit to a vaporous belief, calling it a faith. And for very valid reasons, we proceeded to prioritize the laws of nature through our senses.

Many centuries later, the fierce pragmatism of Rene Descartes cemented what would soon become the climax of the Intellect. In the twentieth century it finally rose with the advent of Psychology; the Ego as the pinnacle of evolution. Ever since, every thought, every action and every word would strive to go through the lens of our most celebrated man-made construct, a most powerful symbol, the Ego. Such a small word for such an enormous narrative...

Doesn't it make you think of the Aleph itself?

In practical terms, if the Ego rose to replace the Self... wouldn’t then improving our Self-Esteem equate to reinforcing the Ego?

And this is the question, the central tenet of The Box Light Totem. I say no.

Generally speaking, we are raised to build an identity primarily designed to respond to an immediate environment. Throughout this process, the “Locus” or location of our Self-esteem develops outside the Self, specifically, in the eyes of those around us, in their opinion of us. It is out of this relationship that we build our Ego -an artificial representation of the Self built like a radar- from third parties' referential feedback.

But as we acquire knowledge through experience, as we build our own moral trees and as each one of us undergoes the necessary and personal revision of the moral precepts laid upon us by our environment, we will move -consciously or not- the Locus of self-esteem towards our own Self, towards our own convictions.

It is a progressive shift, a very relative one, nonetheless a most critical one. A curious situation arises as we walk up this road, as our self-esteem becomes more and more impervious to third parties, constantly striving towards self-reliance and building resiliency.

Self-esteem will then proportionally displace the Ego away from the center of the equation, it will push it away from ourselves. By that I am inferring that Self-Esteem and the Ego are not only distinct entities, but fundamentally exclusive ones. Could I say then that Self-Esteem is in fact engineered to replace or to defeat our Ego? How a concept so deeply intertwined with the notion of the individual could be by itself the catalyst of its very own dissolution escapes me.

The Box Light Totem is designed to instigate you to reflect about your own identity; to ask yourself about your Ego, about your Self-esteem. These days I’m inclined to say the Ego is a man-made construct cutting our ties with the world and even within ourselves while Self-Esteem is acceptance of ourselves, acceptance of the world.

Unity.

Personally, I find that we’re going today through a period of identity crisis, a loud cry for connections and substance, the product of the inadvertent cult of the Ego.

May the warmth of the rays of the Box Light Totem accompany you far away from the slavery of the Ego and deep into the wonderful lands of genuine ever-lasting connections.