Dangerous Concepts for Women...

Words have such power. They really do.

It's why the good book spends so much time talking about 'the power of the tongue'. In fact it reminds us that when it comes to words, the stakes could not be higher...

“The tongue has the power of life and death.” - Proverbs 18 :21

So it intrigues me to think about just how easily we are swayed by the wrong ones. How this wisdom about the power of words has been there for thousands of years and yet we still aren't GETTING it.

We are creating the death of so many things by the words that we use - and it's not affecting us in equal measure. This is something that I've been researching in quite a bit of detail as I write my book, as there are key paradigms that need to change. But in a brief snippet of some of the research that I've been doing, For this weeks #SaturdayServing here are 3 concepts that I've found to be incredibly dangerous in the lives and psyche of women, where they are meant to cause life and good things but are actually causing death and destruction in the most damaging of places.

But before we start

It's really important to understand why words have such insidious power. One of the most powerful exchanges which exemplifies the power of word choice come from the 1987 Film 'Cry Freedom' starring the inimitable Denzel Washington as Steve Biko.

I could explain it - but it's quicker if you watch the scene for yourself (skip to 4.21 if it doesn't start there by itself)

If they are more 'pink than white', and yet 'white' was chosen at the descriptor, it was chosen for a purpose. It's important that we think about the CHOOSING of words for others as we consider the words that are impacting women across the world and ages with devastating consequences.

1. 'Hard Work'

Now we know that hard work isn't the best way forward in isolation for anyone at all. We've heard and extolled the virtues of 'smart work' in business, and that's great.

And yet there's something really dangerous about the way that 'socially acceptable' womanhood is linked to struggling and hustling. Society penalizing women who are perceived as not working hard (or hard enough) far greater than it does men. We look at badly behaved children and ask 'where their mother is?'. We look at dirty student homes and remind the culprits that 'your mother doesn't work here'.

Hard work is ingrained into women's identities. In the same way that beauty standards of straight hair, light skin have permeated every culture, so has the need for a woman to work hard.

The added insult to that injury, is that the arenas where women were expected to work hard haven't changed or diminished, but have grown - as they're expected to work both inside and outside the home now. And those in home work grounds, aren't even recognized with any sort of respect or recognition for all that effort.

Home management remains the domain many women in their homes. The role of primary care giver to the children still remains largely in women's realms and yet these are the least respected, least recognized and most essential parts of our society. Studies are showing that even through lockdown. women have borne the bulk of childcare and homeschooling responsibilities in 2 parent, dual gender families. And that's the space that should have been the biggest leveller. All locked down, everyone in the same space - so technically the most access and time to change that paradigm. But no...

In my opinion, the puritanical workhorse trope of 'devil makes work for idle hands', coupled with the infantalisation of women, sees the world desperate to keep women busy - so that they can't get into mischief! And actually start trying to change some of the crappy structures and problems that have been subjected to so long. The easiest way to keep women in place in this glorious patriarchy is to keep them too busy to even want to try to change it.

Too distracted

Too bogged down

Too handled with too much work to do, and getting them being grateful for the privilege of hustling for their worthiness.

So encased in the mental and physical chains created for them than there is no time to consider contemplate or fight for change.

There is no space for thriving when mere survival is the only focus, and all the available resources seem to offer.

Hard work is the opium of the female masses... if you hustle for your worthiness just long enough, you'll get a pat on the head from some dude, and get one of the great many badges that they have to offer (one of most dangerous is to come)

In the spirit of focusing on solutions though - some of the most important things that women can do to combat this thankless hard work fallacy is

• Work towards and achieve your own financial freedom. Not just literacy, comfort or independence, but freedom is where it's at, as they you get to direct resources to there is important for you.
• Self care as standard - not just cheeky little spa weekends when you've been a good girl - but daily acts of care, attention and focus on you, by you, just for you.
• Embrace Leverage and Systems - they are the two game-changers and the fastest ways to change Hard work into smart work and to remove the busy hamster wheel and replace it with something that works for you, rather than you just working for it.

If you are an evolved woman, looking for build something meaningful in this world, these are not nice-to-haves, these are your duties to your breath taking future. Hard work for hard work sake is not your friend

2. 'Selfless'

Even writing the word triggers me... so I'm just going to keep it as short as I can.

Selflessness is about the most misunderstood concept in the world. I know this a little more, because I've done and am continuing to do the research.

It's not what we think it is...

It's not even called for in the way that we think it is

And for women - the social construct of selflessness is a dangerous thing.

The absence of 'self' if NOT what makes you acceptable. It's what makes you tired all the time. Weak. Vacant. Less than all that you could be. I'll save this for the book but I will say this in remedying of the myth of Self-less-ness

• You have been given your specific brand of desires, and preferences for a purpose that only you can fulfill.
• The world needs you to know yourself, accept, love, hone, harness, and master yourself so that you can truly be of service and make a difference in the world that only you can make.
• Putting everyone elses needs before your own is NOT the most effective way to be that person you are called to be.

The world deserves better. So do you.

3. 'Good Woman'

The worst and most dangerous of the lot

The straight jacket and ruler by which all women are judged

And whether though religion or culture, all women want to be called to.

It's a badge lovely lady. It's not real...

Good. Well behaved. Selfless. Compliant. So hardworking. Always doing so much for everyone.

They are so patronising. And yet bestowed as though they are some badge of honour to be given to you.

And the funny thing is that we think of it's opposite as being a 'bad woman' - a scarlet, shamed rebellious woman.

But actually - the reason why it's so dangerous - is because the opposite of a good woman... is a GREAT WOMAN.

This call to being good is stopping us from being great. From being fierce, rebellous, loving, radically gentle, feminine, collaborative, whole-brained, and all the things that are our real life superpowers.

It's made us complacent.

It makes us settle.

Our call is for freedom, for greatness, for excellence, to be the best that we can be.

We will never get that settling for good. Being well behaved. Accepting other people's definitions of success for us and following their rules to achieve them.

Good is not for us. It's how they* seek HANDLE us.... good women are easy to handle - great women are not (and note that by 'they' I mean society as a whole, men and women)-

Great is what we're called for and to get to that we need to be bold and brave enough to:

• Commit to greatness - even when it's tough, even with it's scary - because it's likely to be both!
• Know what it will mean for us. Define success, freedom, greatness for us for our whole lives, in 10, 5, 3 years... but most importantly - know what greatness means and looks like for you TODAY. In the next 5 minutes, because this moment is all that we have
• Reject the feel-good labels, stop obsessing with being 'well behaved'. Know that well behaved women rarely change history (and history needs to be changed)

I had the pleasure of talking to one of my besties recently on her podcast about all these matters, about women, about business and about thriving like a girl! Check out our conversation here... and let us know your thoughts.

Women of the world, your words matter - those you use, and those you accept from others too - let's use them for agency, for empowerment. For greatness.

Use them to make that one wild and precious life you've been given one that make a ripple across the world and down the ages. One that turns your ripples of actions into a roar of hope and change. An ocean of power and support which supports and inspires other women to do the same.