Data Engineers Elated for 'Return to Office' Requirement: Companies See Productivity Boosts of 10000000%

Ever since the beginning of the pandemic, data engineers, architects, and analysts were forced against their will to work from home. IT teams across the nation retrofitted VPN solutions to everyone's computer, turned on MFA, and then locked the office doors. Data teams worldwide were now in this hopeless state of complete rest and tranquility at home. But the constant petition by these data team members to return to office is finally being fulfilled.

The beginning of 2020 seemed like such a wonderful time for those who worked in offices. Free Water, an entire desk to yourself, and the occasional pizza party...what more could you ask for? But then came the pandemic, and with it was the dreaded "15 days to slow the curve". Since then, work from home became the reality for the entire data workforce. However, if you talk with the individuals, you will find out that the reality was more like a living nightmare!

"How am I supposed to get all of my work done when I don't have micromanagers standing over my shoulder the entire day?" asked one distraught data engineer. "I roll out of bed, make myself some pour-over coffee, sit on my comfortable couch in sweat pants and t-shirt, listen to my favorite music, and get to working. But where's the fun in that?"

Many leaders at different companies are also noticing problems with the work from home mindset. How are they supposed to "manage" when the people they manage are expected to behave like adults and not cats that you have to herd? "If I can't see the screen, I can't see the team, you know?" a Director of Data Engineering recently quipped. "I'm used to watching them like a hawk from my crows-nest-like office. I can crack my whip the moment I see YouTube, Twitter, or Facebook pulled up on a screen. If you have drama to glean, you have data to clean, that's what I always say."

Well, worry no longer, our dismayed audience. Return to Work is back! The great Influx of 2023 is here! Data teams and their leaders will once again be able to thrive under the stress and anxiety that comes from micromanagement and constant interruptions throughout the day. Now, instead of a thousand 30 minute meetings preventing people from doing work, engineering can now comfortably navigate a thousand "Hey, quick question..." projects that randomly are created as people walk by there office.

The beginning adoption of The Great Influx has already started and companies are seeing a 10000000% productivity boost from the different data teams!

How is this possible? Well, in the work-from-home world, the teams only work on the important projects that are well documented, scoped out, and assigned as needed. But now, with everyone returning the the office, all of those equally-as-important ad-hoc projects, which can only be thought of when someone stares at a bland white wall, are finally being tackled as well! 10000000% increase in project load leads to an equally as impressive increase in engineer output! That math just makes sense!

Let us keep out fingers crossed that no other pandemics come in any time soon and lead to the dreaded work-from-home policies that everyone loathes so much.