Day 4: How "Victim Mentality" Creeps Into a Job Search

Day 4: Or what I like to call, the serious kick in the butt. Hence the photo. 

• Imagine being a 300-pound exterminator turned Navy Seal. 
• Imagine having 90-days to lose 100 pounds just to be able to TRY to test into the Seals. 
• Imagine eliminating EVERY excuse in the book and just staying focused on your goal.
• Imagine silencing all the voices in your head trying to place blame on getting to 300 pounds in the first place.
• Imagine instead just getting to work in the gym, EVERY DAY twice a day or more to make the dream a reality.

This is the story of David Goggins, which he shares in his book Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds. My favorite read of 2019. (Listen on Audible, they include phenomenal podcasts into the book chapters.)

This is one of those books that for me, was pretty much like, Lady.... you can't complain about anything in life ever again.  Not your childhood, not your partner, not your job, not your exhaustion. YOU CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING.

His main message is that no one is coming to save you, you have to be your own super hero - and placing blame on external things just puts you into victim mode.

We are responsible for our own happiness. No one else.

We are responsible for our own career growth.

Our bank account. 

Our personal and spiritual development.

Our health.

ALL OF IT. 

No one in your life is responsible for taking care of you or saving you or even helping you. 

Victim mentality was so 2019. 2020 is the year of ownership, responsibility, clarity and action.

If they DO help you and take care of you? Your boss is also your friend and s/he is supportive of you looking for new work?

Amazing!

If not?

Not a big deal. Because you are not a victim anymore to outside circumstances.

You may be triggered. You may be asking.....

How could I possibly be a victim?

Who are you to call me a victim? 

I feel qualified to talk about this topic because I'm a recovering victim myself. 

When I lived in Philly where there truly were very few jobs in my niche industry, I knew I had a choice to keep complaining or become the victor of my own story and move to a bigger market. Moving may not be possible for everyone, but there are always creative solutions.

Again, the simple definition: Every time you blame something outside of yourself, for anything, you are likely putting yourself in the victim seat. 

"Victim mentality" is a very real thing and very SNEAKY thing and it has no productive home in a job search.. or anywhere really.

Self-awareness is key: if you ever find yourself complaining about anything, odds are there is victim hiding in the statement.

Examples: 

• I'm too tired at the end of the day to even search = blaming your current reality and exhaustion, when there is ALWAYS a solution or a way to wake up earlier and put the effort in before work. Even 10 minutes a day makes a huge impact over a month.
• There are no jobs in my small town = blaming the size of the town for your success or happiness.
• There are too many other applicants, so I can't stand out = blaming the competition instead of owning what you can work on to improve 
• Recruiters aren't getting back to me (Don't get me started... LOL)

The amazing Eckhart Tolle said it best... "When you complain you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it, all else is just madness."

I have a lot of mom friends who blame the kids and mom-life for not having time to workout or lose weight. 

They become a victim to their current reality, instead of looking for solutions and ways to proactively change the situation. 

My one friend constantly blamed her kids for her weight. They were always leaving carby food on their plates that she would "have to" finish and couldn't throw out. 

First off -throw it out. You're going to feel bad if you eat it and bad if you throw it out. Pick which one feels worse.

Next, I listed in an email all the reasons my friend could workout in the morning. 

Wake up an hour before the rest of the house - Pros Vs. Cons: 

The only "con" was that she'd lose some sleep - she was always tired anyway - so in my mind, this was barely a "con." The "pro" list had about 30 things on it, including peaceful quiet coffee time to enjoy before the day started with 3 kids under 6.

She took the advice, stuck to the morning workouts and lost 30 pounds. 

She CHOSE to stop being a victim to her present situation. 

Also, I see those with victim mindset tend to use words like "luck." I'm unlucky, so I don't get the call-backs. 

People will point at EVERYTHING except themselves to explain why they aren't successful.

It's you.

It's me.

Our success always comes down to us and our actions.

Another underlying issue with the victim mindset, is that when we complain, we release these thoughts or words energetically to The Universe/ God/ Creator / Meta-Physics whatever you believe in. As I've mentioned in previous posts I'm a BIG believer that thoughts and feelings shape our reality. We are always co-creating on an energetic level with powerful forces. When we complain, we energetically attract more things to complain about.

Additionally, there's this idea:

Complaining coincides with RESENTMENT which is a very low-vibrational emotion. The low-vibe emotions only attract more low-vibe things (law of attraction).

And it's impossible to live in both GRATITUDE and resentment at the same time. 

See Day 2 on the Power of Gratitude in a Job Search.

If you're blaming your job, your commute, any area of your life for one thing, you can't emit an energy of gratitude for it. 

I had a friend who always complained about her in-laws not helping with the kids. So I said, "Well, reframe. What are they doing that you can be grateful for?"

I explained how it's humanly impossible to both appreciate someone in the same moment you are resenting them so you have to choose which you stand for. 

It's always a choice.

If they come help you once a month with the kids, be happy about that. and stop holding them to higher expectations. They are YOUR children. No one is responsible for helping you.

She agreed she was playing victim due to her exhaustion and I felt her vibe instantly shift. 

We choose what energetic state we are going to live in. Every single day we are faced with the choice to own our feelings and our futures, or to blame others for what's not exactly how we'd want it.

It's a choice to be the victor of your life or be the victim. We must choose carefully. 

Grab your journal and pick at least 3 areas that you find yourself blaming others for something in YOUR life:

• Free journal about it and get it all out.
• Now write a loving note thanking that person or thing for what value they DO add to your life.

Example: I'm so tired because of current job and running my household.... I can't find the time to job search. 

Instead: I'm so GRATEFUL I have a job to still pay my bills while I find my next great opportunity. I'm blessed to have a family to take care of at all.

Create an action step for the problem, how you can solve it. I.e. the waking up early example, or working on your resume next week for 15 minutes a day during lunch every day.

Every second you spend complaining about your current reality is just creating MORE distance between you and what you want to manifest. There's always a solution and there's so much power in taking responsibility for every area of our lives. 

Use the hashtag #2020mindsetmakeover if you share on any socials. This will run 5-7 days on Linkedin. You can find more tips and random life advice after that on my email list: nikiwoodall.com/2020mindsetmakeover