The Day I was wrong

I remember the first day I was wrong; I was in my early to mid-thirties. It came as one hell of a shock. I don’t even remember what I was wrong about, but I do remember the feeling. Funny enough it was my wife who pointed it out to me. I had always had the attitude of its my opinion and that is good enough for me. I had just landed my first CEO gig as well. Looking at the evidence in front of me, I could not argue the point with her, she was right I was wrong.

Been wrong taught me more than been right ever has. I’m a gut feel person, I have done enough personality tests to know I sit in that outgoing, communicator, optimistic, lots of opinions, a people person. Love a challenge, love a difficult or courageous conversation. Love to talk, love the sound of my own voice, driven and very focused on the vision, but never wrong, until I was.

Now what, what do you do when your entire being is challenged and proven to fall short. I guess you have two choices, you can double down, it’s a strategy, dig in, ignore the evidence. Argue the evidence even, you can even try and discredit the evidence. You can fight the truth, right up until it bites you in the ass. The alternative is you can check your ego, or in this case kick it under the bed and start to think.

Thinking is a really underrated skill. Up to the point I found out I was wrong, I thought. I thought the first thing that came into my head was right. Over time I have learned that is lazy thinking. Cool, so now I can do my research, but sadly most of my research was in places that confirmed my way of thinking. My  Cognitive Bias was strong, when I found out about Cognitive Bias I went on a side quest, looking at all the various types of thinking bias’s I had. It was scary, intimidating and my only argument back at my wife was, I’m a CEO I have to be right. If I am not right, then why would anyone follow me. Leadership, well that’s another topic but I guess people only follow you once into battle if you get them all shot.

I had made a discovery, something I could learn from, grow and be better. Seeing I was wrong could allow me to test my thinking, make better decisions, be better. Listen more, actively listen more. Anyway, that is what I told myself whilst I was still sulking about been wrong. Truth was when you build your life on been right, sometimes the stark reality of been told no is a very powerful message. I’m pleased to say 26 years later my wife is still helping me improve my thinking and I no longer presume I’m right. The world according to Guy has its flaws, errors in thinking and mistakes but it has got better. Instead of aiming for been right all the time, I now aim at listening, really listening. Finding opposing views, analysing the data, and seeking the truth. I think we seldom really search for the truth in business. In our need to collegiate we often will compromise and find a happy medium. We think been wrong is a flaw, a weakness. Its not, discussing, robust debating a point and conceding to the truth or as close as possible to the truth is a strength. Often in business we debate a path, a way to do things, both may be feasible but we seeking the best way.

I have gone from lazy thinking (or as a I call it instinctual thinking) to taking a more perspective thinking approach. Perspective is not the right word, but I have gone from always trusting my gut to questioning why I feel that way or why I think my first instinct says do A. I have found in life there are many ways to do things, one is seeking the best way to do it with the tools at your disposal.

Your gut instinct was pretty important when we had to make a choice to fight, flight or freeze. There are situations when it is still very useful, I was once told it is ok to run away from Tigers because fareless fuckers get eaten. It is good advice, but we not making those life and death decisions every time to we decide to do something. If the board room door squeaks, you can kick it down, blow it up, take it off and throw it away, or oil the hinges. All stop the door squeaking, and before people jump in and tell me the obvious choice and first that come to mind is oiling the hinges, I would point out its only a temporary measure not a solution. For it to be an ongoing solution one would need to set up a regular maintenance programme to ensure its oiled before it squeaks again, the oil runs down the hinges and spoils the paint, etc you know what I mean.  

My wife and I have electric toothbrushes, they stand on charging stations in the bathroom, my base gets dirtier with toothpaste residue than hers does. She pointed this out the other day and suggested I should rinse my toothbrush better. Ah, after 26 years I finally saw a chance to show her she could be wrong.

“I do rinse my toothbrush well I responded, the extra residue could be a result of a number of factors, maybe I brush my teeth more often and hence my use is higher. We use different types of toothpaste and mine could leave more residue than yours. I know you sometime use my toothbrush when you not concentrating and therefore it could be you not rinsing my toothbrush properly” Sadly I got the raised eyebrow and more importantly deep down I knew she rinsed her toothbrush more thoroughly that I do. Oh well there is always another few years to get a win.

In conclusion, been wrong taught me to check my thinking, challenge my feelings (not in dangerous situation), realise that because I felt something, although my feelings were valid and I was entitled to them, they were not always useful and they are not facts. Perspective (many data points) trumps perception (single data point). Nothing and I mean nothing beats active listening. Been wrong and saying so or not knowing what to do is not weakness its real strength, vulnerability opens doors to better debates, discussions and outcomes. All I can say learning to think is a underrated skill.

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