DC49: A deeper look at WHY

The art of finding true meaning

For most of my life, I have struggled with nihilism. Nihilism is a feeling where you cannot find purpose or meaning in the things you do every day or, in fact, the things that anyone does. It’s a crippling feeling that leaves one helpless and unable to take action.

It is the shadow side of post-modernism. This is my belief that we create our reality, and all things are a subjective experience. The positive side is that it is incredibly freeing and allows me to do things others simply can’t perceive. However, sometimes the positive aspect is out of reach and life can be difficult.

Luckily, I have cultivated the ability to counter this by finding meaning and purpose through techniques I want to share that will deepen both you as an individual and your teams and organisations in their search for meaning.

I’ll give you an example. Last week, I mended a downpipe that carries water from my roof to a drain. I moved into my house just over a month ago, and the previous owners had left a missing downpipe for years. The pipe is hidden behind a conservatory, which is not that noticeable. I am not living with anyone else currently, so the only person who will derive any satisfaction or even know about this fix is me.

Given all of life’s possible experiences, from the challenges and wrongs in the world that need resolving to the wonders and infinite possibilities of human creation, why am I choosing to fix a downpipe no one else will ever care about? Where is the meaning in this?

When I cannot see the meaning, I freeze, feel empty and cannot take action.

Finding meaning

Everything I do has to be part of something greater. It can’t just be some random task. My life has been a mission to bring about a better world. Or has it?

It turns out that the meaning I assign to things comes from different parts of my psyche, depending on the process running the show.

My motivation to complete tasks or start complex endeavours entirely depends upon the meaning I find, which depends on my state of mind and the inner process that is running. Learning about the inner process and identifying its source is critical to building a consistent, productive, meaningful life.

I’ll give you a deep a real example of this.

A true story

In the above example of fixing the downpipe, most people would be content to go only as deep as ‘the meaning you get from fixing the downpipe is that you are doing this for yourself’, and this should be enough. Many people would argue that there doesn’t need to be external validation and fixing a downpipe is a valid action.

This is not enough for me because I have no frame of reference for a ‘valid action’ or how to validate one. I don’t even have an idea of what ‘self’ really is. I don’t see reality as fixed or objective, so how can one measure one’s actions against it?

Going deeper, I use the techniques I have learnt over the last few years from internal family systems therapy (IFS), shamanic journeying, emotional release etc, and embark on a journey into myself to find out whether fixing a downpipe is valid or not.

WHY?

Exploring, I find that fixing the pipe represents solidity to me. It is a fight against chaos and entropy. If it feels like my life is chaotic and there are leaks in water and energy, I might be losing the battle against entropy, which is the precursor to death. This means there is fear of death.

However, this is not a huge driving force, just a single factor. After all, as we blur the edges of what is me and what is everything else, death and the leaking pipe are all me. Death is too easy an answer.

So, what else can we find? Looking deeper, I examine why it matters that only I know about the downpipe or care. This is the element that makes it seem pointless.

I realise I need validation from others in the tasks that I complete. The satisfaction of doing something well only feels good when someone else recognises it. This is a truth for me. Without someone praising or seeing the work, it feels hollow and meaningless.

WHY?

As I go deeper on my journey, I find that there is loneliness and a feeling of need for connection—the need to be connected to another.

This feeling identifies that I keep my house in order, not only to fight entropy but to create an appearance of togetherness, or a sorted human, that is worthy of the connection of another. I know I am worthy when someone gives me praise or admires the work I am doing.

This is a profound realisation that starts to unveil hidden meanings in many of the tasks I do on a day-to-day basis and the significant achievements I have made in my life.

Separation and the need for connection

As I examine many of the processes that I follow and I hear stories from others of their psyche and processes, I find this drive for connection in everyone. It comes out in many different forms, but it is always there.

Going deeper, I find the need for connection is rooted in our culture. It is a cultural phenomenon created from deep-rooted belief that we are separate and individual with an existential gulf between us and the universe.

Our mentally constructed belief system that we are separate from each other, nature, and the universe creates a sense of personal abandonment that most people subconsciously try to fill with every action, material good, and personal relationship they can find.

Finding the power you have

Purpose is more than the superficial reason behind the actions you, your team, or your organisations take. It is the beginning of an exploration into who you are and why you do the things you do.

Learning about yourself and having the tools to do so is essential in deriving real meaning, which drives motivation. Motivation is power.

Asking the question, "Why are you here?" or, for our business minds, "Why are you really spending your life doing what you are doing?" is not only a fulfilling experience; it is essential in finding your true power as a human and achieving true greatness while you are here.

Only going halfway into the WHY means you only get half the power of the motivation.

Finishing the story and becoming whole

Now, armed with the knowledge that most of my actions are seeking external validation that comes from a sense of abandoning my true nature of connection to the universe, I can start reorganising my life.

Instead of looking for validation from others for fixing downpipes, frees up energy not only in me, but in them too. It is exhausting for those I am seeking validation from.

I have for some time been cultivating practices of strengthening my awareness of my true connected nature to everything. I can see how I am integrated into the patterns of life and to a much bigger intelligence than my own. I have explored the life energy that pours through me and connects me to everything, and the edge of who I am has melted away. I have felt great acceptance of my place and that I am more than I appear. It would take an entire book and more to share the miracles I have seen as I explore the simple nature of who I am.

And now, I fix the downpipe in the sense of flow. Instead of reluctantly or perhaps in a draining nihilistic duty, I now find that I am harmonising the world around me in the sense of flow and beauty that is its own reward. The fact that the downpipe is fixed is merely a by-product of merging with my surroundings, which creates harmony.

Choosing right action

Choice becomes pull. Everything we are compelled to do, comes from the energy patterns we have already chosen.

Most people, I expect you, are living out a life of choices you already made in your subconscious based on half realised meaning. These half-realised meanings result in lower energy, lower flow, and ultimately unsatisfactory actions (they may give short-term dopamine hits but don’t provide long-term health or growth). 

I call this brain fog. We are living a half-life of missed opportunities because we are unable to discern the real meaning behind our actions and what drives us. This leaks our energy and creates a life half-lived.

Purpose and meaning leads to power

Would you be interested in joining me in a series of workshops that explores your inner world, in a group setting, and finds your deeper meaning?

I am looking to help you unlock your power and bring a deeper flow into your life. It is an open exploration that you take yourself with me as a guide and space holder. I will share techniques and skills on this journey.

I am not bringing your truth; you bring that. I just help you uncover it.

This article was first published on the Deeper Change Substack.

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