Dealing with difficult colleagues: What works, and what doesn’t for neurodivergent professionals

We’ve all encountered difficult colleagues — whether they’re disorganised, refuse to collaborate, or simply clash with us. An article I recently read outlines practical strategies for navigating these challenges. While these tips may work for many, I found myself reflecting on how they apply to someone like me — a “neurodivergent cocktail” with Tourette’s Syndrome, ADHD, autism, severe depression, and severe anxiety.

For neurodivergent individuals, like me, navigating workplace dynamics often requires adapting conventional advice. Here are my thoughts on some of the tips from the article, adapted for those with similar experiences:

Tips worth considering:

focus on observable facts rather than assumptions

1. Understand the person’s intentions Not everyone behaves poorly for the sake of it. Taking time to identify their motivations can reduce emotional reactions and reframe situations. If understanding intent feels challenging (hello, autism!), focus on observable facts rather than assumptions.
2. Stay calm and treat them with respect Easier said than done, right? For me, this often means stepping away to process my feelings (or tics)… whether that’s breathing exercises, a quick walk or (if I'm hope). archery practice with my bow and arrow. Respectful communication, even under pressure, can keep tensions from escalating.
3. Focus on what can be done This aligns with my ADHD brain’s need for action! Instead of spiralling over what’s gone wrong, my father-in-law, Mark Williams , has coached me to break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Simple tools like whiteboards - for To Do, Daily-tasks (do now), weekly tasks (do soon), or monthly tasks (do later) - or journaling help me channel energy into solutions.
4. Pick your battles When energy is limited (thanks, anxiety and depression), prioritising issues that truly matter is essential. I’ve learned it’s okay to let the small stuff go.

Tips to challenge or adapt cautiously:

1. Build rapport While connecting with colleagues can foster better relationships, socialising can feel overwhelming for those of us who are neurodivergent. I (try to) focus on meaningful interactions instead of forced ones. Shared aspirations (like those around accessibility) or interests provide a great starting point.
2. Ask for help Reaching out isn’t always easy when anxiety is in the mix. I’ve found that written communication, like emails or messages, can make this less daunting. (Note: This is why you might not get hold of me immediately if you phone me out of the blue!) Choose trusted individuals who understand your communication style.
3. Speak to those in a position to help you: This can feel intimidating, especially if past experiences haven’t been positive. Preparing in advance and framing conversations around productivity can help. For example: "I’m noticing X is affecting my ability to focus. Can we discuss solutions to improve the situation?"

Gaslighting at work: A word of caution

For anyone experiencing gaslighting (common examples include being dismissed, undermined, or having your contributions ignored), it’s vital to document incidents and advocate for yourself. Speak to HR or trusted colleagues when needed — your experiences are valid.

Creating inclusive workplaces means recognising that no single approach fits everyone. For neurodivergent professionals, navigating workplace dynamics often means adapting strategies to fit our unique needs.

I’d love to hear your thoughts: Which of these tips resonate with you? Have you found different ways to address workplace challenges? Let’s continue the conversation.

Remember:

it’s okay to let the small stuff go