Dealing with Grief - A man’s journey from sorrow to strength.
Anthony Astbury
I help middle-aged men reignite their drive and build an ideal life via Whole Man Academy.
Reminder: We're diving into raw topics, straight talk, harsh realities, and bold conversation.
After years of working with hundreds of men, this is the gritty truth.
If that makes you melt, feel free to bail out.
Impact isn't about trying to please everyone with a vanilla approach...
...it's about connecting with men who get it, so they can step up, take action, and improve their lives.
The media have shown themselves to be utterly disgraceful...
...in their quest to manipulate our minds and spread fear in our hearts.
Their main aim is not to inform you.
It’s to generate a feeling of unshakable dread...
...that hangs like a dark cloud over your life.
But it’s that feeling of dread that many of us have...
...when we think about losing someone we love.
So today it's an issue resonating with every man reading this.
Because unless you are the ultimate Lone Wolf...
...at some point, someone you care about in your life will die...
...and you will have the challenge of emotionally navigating it.
The question from Simon, way back in 2023 goes…
‘My mum died suddenly in 2022.
It was totally unexpected and it hit my dad and our family so hard.
I thought I was fine to start with because I went into ‘practical mode’ to be there for everyone...
...and help sort things out.
But weeks later it hit me.
I heard a song that we had played at her funeral.
And suddenly I had this gut-wrenching realisation that I wouldn't see my mum again.
I just wanted to have one last chance to hug her and tell her I love her.
I realise I didn't do that much as I would be so busy with work and kids and juggling life.
Since then I’ve felt it so hard to carry on with life…
…and I feel so sad that my kids miss their nan and our family occasions seem like there’s a gaping hole.
I know I need to get on with things, but it's been fucking hard.’
The sudden loss of your mum can be so hard to deal with.
A middle-aged man might struggle to believe that his mum is gone…
… feel numb and have a true sense of loss.
The amazing woman who grew you in her body…
…like only a beautiful and strong female can…
…and nurtured you to be the man you are, is now gone.
He might experience feelings of guilt or regret (which he mentioned).
Wishing he had spent more time with her…
…or had told her important things like ‘I love you, Mum’.
These feelings can be overwhelming and stay around for a long time.
Some men I have spoken to have felt a deep sadness.
It’s a natural reaction to losing a parent.
He might find himself bursting into tears, feeling a profound sense of emptiness and longing.
(I experienced this when my lovely Nan died back in 2019).
His mum played a central role in the family...
...so he might feel the weight of new responsibilities.
This can include taking care of remaining family members...
...or handling his mum’s affairs if his dad is finding it too much.
And this is a HUGE one often overlooked when talking about losing a parent.
The painful loss can lead to a reevaluation of his own identity and life role.
He might feel a shift in how he sees himself, now that his mum is no longer there…
…to provide support and guidance.
Considering all of this, it’s a tough time for everyone.
Especially when he’s dealing with work, kids, health, and everything else.
So, what could Simon do to help him deal with this?
1) Seek Professional Help (Sounds obvious but men can often ignore this one)
Consider talking to a coach, therapist or counselor who specialises in grief and loss.
Recommended by LinkedIn
They can provide you with coping strategies and a private way to express your emotions.
2) Join a Support Group: (This doesn't have to be forever)
A grief support group can help you connect with other men who are experiencing similar feelings.
Sharing your story and hearing others' experiences can provide comfort and understanding.
Helps you realise you are not alone, brother.
3) Create a Memory Journal or Create a Memory Book
Write down your memories, thoughts, and feelings about your mum.
Or sit down with the family and get a load of nice pictures…
…and have them put into a book for you all to enjoy (instead of scrolling on your mind control device when you need to see her lovely face again).
This can be a way to process your emotions and keep her memory alive.
4) Take Care of Your Physical Health:
Grief can fuck you up and take a toll on your physical health.
Do your best to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep.
Movement and getting outdoors can also help manage stress.
5) Do Stuff You Enjoy:
Spend time doing things you love or provide a distraction.
You’re not pretending nothing has happened, but just giving the mind time off from thinking about everything in your head
This could be hobbies, spending time with mates, or doing something creative with the kids.
6) Release the RAGE:
Ok, this is super important.
If you are feeling burning anger or rage about the whole situation or your own feelings…
…find something to release your anger.
Go and hit something at the gym.
7) Lastly, the Mindset Shift:
Only you can decide how long you grieve for and how much.
Don't let anyone tell you what is right or wrong.
I know it’s hard but things will get easier.
You can decide to pick yourself up, and dust yourself off.
Celebrate the memories you have with your mum and keep moving forward…
…even if it's one day at a time to begin with.
In my experience, in time these feelings lessen.
But it’s not easy whilst you’re in the eye of the storm.
So remember…
There’s no magic fix, and there’s so many things that might help...
...but here’s some practical advice to get started:
If any of the above resonates, comment below.
I’d love to hear your experiences, thoughts, and other suggestions.
I have no idea what I’m going to cover next week, so look out for that!
Hope you found today helpful.
As always, if you have ANY questions just DM me…
And remember, the world NEEDS strong men.
Anthony
Director - Whole Man Academy
P.S. If your life isn’t perfect, check this out now.
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I help Coaches sign clients through LinkedIn.
6moI'm yet to experience this which I'm grateful for, but this was a really nice read Anthony Astbury!
Helping Men Feel Strong, Capable, and Ready to Create Their Next Chapter
6moThis is what came to mind - Dynamic meditation. That can release a lot and make you feel lighter at the end of it.