Dear Moms, Let’s Talk Heart to Heart!
Lubaba Afzal
Senior Manager Special Projects | CIPD Level 7 | BPS: Test User A & B certified | Professional Certified Coach | Leadership Development
This Mother’s Day, vow with me to take care of your body and mind today and every other day!
Motherhood is a lifechanging, nerve-wracking yet mystical form of experience that women have ever witnessed in the entirety of human existence. It is the lifelong act of supporting and nurturing life, as a mother is entrusted with the unique role of looking after her offspring with no end dates insight. Motherhood can be selfless, resilient, passionate, and miraculous and this is why there is perhaps no such thing as strange and demanding as being a mother.
On this Mother’s Day as people around the world will celebrate and admire mothers for being them, and doing all they somehow manage to do, ME being the Founder of PsychedBrain and most importantly a mother of one would like to talk on what really matters the most for all our supermom out there who fantastically juggle motherhood, work, and household chores flawlessly. So today, it’s not only about how to look after yourself but also about the way you look after everyone else.
So mommies, let’s start our heart to heart conversation with acceptance of one basic fact:
You don’t have to be perfect, because you are above all, a human. Now, what does being a human means? Well, humans go through all sorts of emotional rollercoasters every day, they have their good days and bad days, moments where they are on top of the world and nights when they would rather just distance themselves from all the overwhelming chaos circling around us to look inwards and have a moment alone.
But, let’s be honest, do you ever let yourself have the room to breathe? Your list of priorities can go miles covering everything from your office, home, friends, kids, husbands, parents, and probably even extended family yet there isn’t any mention of yourself on the agenda. You are constantly trying to balance and excel but STOP right there! You are imperfect and that’s as true for you as it is equally for me and every other person on the face of this world. So what is the hurry? Give yourself room to breathe, to explore, to wander without stressing over being at fault. Promise me, from now on you will prioritize yourself because unless you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t look after anyone else!
So, grab yourself some comfort food, turn away from all other distractions and tell yourself (READ IT ALOUD):
YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND STRONG. YOUR ARE WORTHY OF YOUR OWN ATTENTION.
Great JOB! Now, go through these 5 motherhood tips that can offer you insights and psychologically backed advice on how to handle being as awesome as a mother without neglecting and overlooking your own self. Trust me, by following these tips, you will feel better, lighter, and positively hopeful!
· Reach Out and Call for Help!
There’s an old, wise saying that “It takes a village to raise a child” and you need to remember this forever. Today, moms are often struggling mentally to cope with the stress of keeping up with everything going on in life, whether they’re working, stay at home, married or divorced. This is because mothers rarely ever ask for help, be it from their own close friend, sibling, or even spouse. As a result, you feel stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed and it’s no good for your own brain. You need to let go of being in control and actively seek out people who will be there for you. Engage, share, and let others around you to help you out with your daily chores so you have enough time to breathe, relax, and focus on things apart from your most imminent responsibilities. This could mean anything, from indulging in a hobby, chasing your career goals, or simply making it to brunch with people you have been really looking forward to seeing.
TIP: If you don’t have any such supportive people today, join parenting support groups of your local schools, neighborhoods, etc. They can be lifechanging because you feel right at home by sharing all your struggles and milestones with people who are able to understand you completely since they too are going through similar life stages as you.
· It Is Okay To Say NO!
Being a mother may initially sound like a forever duty but just like everyone else gets to occasionally say no to added responsibilities just so they can prioritize their mental health, so should you! Moms often feel compelled to take up every opportunity to help out people they care for even when it is against what they personally really want. However, this can be really toxic for your own mind since you will soon begin to feel as if you’re not in control over your own life, causing you to lose joy and hope. By always feeling internally pressured to show up at every moment, you can get exhausted and close to a horrible emotional burn-out, which will be as bad for you as it will be for those around you. So, learn about your capabilities and strengths to then stick to saying No!
TIP: When you know you can’t take on any more load. Begin opting choices that suit you and your lifestyle and focus less on what other moms do, since every person is unique and no one should have to feel burdened to do things just to fit in.
· Take 10 minutes of Mindfulness Break Every Day!
10 minutes? You may scoff at the idea of being on your own even for a second but trust me, you need to take daily resets for your mind just like you do for your body when you go to sleep. These 10 minutes of mindfulness can be in the morning, noon, night, or any time of your choice, as long as you have the chance to be without most of the distractions.
TIP: Now, you can try various activities like Yoga, Meditation, Journaling or even a warm, bubbly bath to cleanse your mind from negative stress and to be mindful. You will not only notice yourself getting more positive, hopeful, and strong after your 10 minutes of self-care but you will then naturally radiate these peaceful vibes to those around you, making everyone calmer and assured.
· Focus on the Present and on What You Have Today!
Looking after a child is difficult because of how uncertain life can be. This means that parents, including mothers, are constantly worried about sickness over their children, their home, their finances, and sources of income. There are constant anxiety and commotion over how to stay on track for goals and plans for tomorrow. And mothers are notorious for this. They can give themselves immense loads of anxiety over how to prepare for the future until they forget about the present moment. This isn’t healthy or helping anyone. It’s only making you miss out on life while you’re living it.
TIP: So think less about tomorrow and be more mindful today. Take the small and the big milestones as celebrations and worry less about goals for tomorrow. This will not only make things easier for you but you and your loved ones will far greatly enjoy life to the fullest if you truly began to cherish every moment you have today.
· Do Not Let Go Of Your Own Identity!
Lastly, mothers are entitled to things they love, just like everyone else, no matter how consequential and busy their roles may seem. So, it’s okay to be selfish enough to know what’s good for you and then embrace it fully to welcome it in your life. Ignoring one’s own desires and dreams just to make room for others can only make people resent their loved ones, even if it is a mother towards her children. So, any mom needs to continue down the path of self-reflection and discovery, find ways for personal growth, and chances to explore even if it is in things that only the mother enjoys. It may seem tough at first but the more you try being the most original version of you, the more inspiring will you appear to others, encouraging them to listen and be true to their hearts too.
On this note of self-love, let’s once again state that it takes every bit of unreal resolve and motherly magic to be as incredible as most mothers are in this world. So, dear reader, if you’re a mom too, then please finally know on this Mother’s Day that every single other day of the year, is also your day too! So always be kind and loving towards yourself and never stop treating yourself like the true wonder woman you are!
All this said, don’t panic. Make the commitment to start this journey, see where that takes you, and reassess. The process is rewarding on both a personal and professional level — and trust me, you have something to say that people want to listen to.
Questions? Have any lessons that I missed? Need to brainstorm a topic you’d like me to write about? Share below in the comments — I’d love to help and write about them!
THANKYOU for reading it!
Don't forget to share so others who may be suffering would get some help :)
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Lubaba Afzal is an Organizational Psychologist and the Founder of PsychedBrain, an online platform providing mental wellness solutions to its valued users. PsychedBrain offers self-help books and journals as well as virtual mentoring sessions to make mental health tools smart and accessible for all.
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