Dear Newly Activated Black Ally

Dear Newly Activated Black Ally,

Welcome to the struggle! I am so grateful to see you here.

I know many of you are here, like really here, for the first time. And that is an uncomfortable truth, for you as well as me I’m guessing. I expect you are working through why it’s taken you this long to get engaged, and I’ll be honest, I’m working through this too. But here’s the thing - we’re literally talking about life and death here – or death, death and more death so far. Better late than never has never felt more true. What matters is that you are here now. I need you, the black community needs you, and I am so, so glad you are here.

Because of you, I have more hope than I have had in a very long time that real, lasting change is possible in our lifetime. That it will no longer be normal to see black people routinely murdered at the hands of the state. That it will no longer be normal for black people to squeeze the despair, anger, grief and very real fear for our lives this causes into private messages, Slack channels and family phone calls; and then go about our lives like everything is alright. When it is anything but alright. That it will no longer be normal for us to have to defend our right to just exist in America.

I have hope for a new normal because of you.

Imagine that. If we do see lasting change here, it will not be because another black person was murdered in broad daylight and recorded for all the world to see. Because that has been happening for a very, very long time. Before George Floyd there was Breaonna Taylor, before Breaonna there was Stephon Clark, before Stephon there was Philando Castille… and the list goes on and on.

If we do see change, it will not be because black people protested this injustice… because we’ve been doing that too, in every way we can think of, for as long as we can remember.

No. If we do see lasting change, it will not be because of black murder or black protest, but because one or both of these upset non-black people enough to challenge the system.

I'll be honest, this makes me sad. I am heartbroken and angry that before you came we weren’t listened to, and when we were listened to, we were not believed. I pray for the day when our horror of the systematic killing of black people is enough to get America's attention. But we are, sadly, not yet at that day. And so, I am so, so grateful to see you here.

We’re going to need you here for a while. We need you to challenge the system, not until you get too exhausted to do it anymore, or too distracted to pay attention to its impact, or too overwhelmed by the complexity of the issue. We need you to challenge the system until it changes. To buckle down for the long-haul.

Because we noticed when you joined the party late, but we’ll be gutted if you leave early. For too many in my community, that will be a literal death sentence.

You keep asking me what you can do to help and support me. If have one request - please, stick around.

Stick around past the social media campaigns, and the next news cycle. Stick around past the corporate statements and diversity pledges. And this is might be the hardest one: stick around past your (very justified) fear of getting it wrong.

Please, stick around until something truly changes.

It’s just that simple. And it’s just that hard. This stuff is hard and messy and if you stick around long enough, it will ask you to face our own complicity and our nation’s brokenness in ways none of us want to. You will say the wrong thing. Or you’ll say the right thing the wrong way. Or you’ll do your best with the purest of intentions and find you offended and hurt the very people you wanted to help.

You will try and you will falter. And when that happens, what I need you to do, is to keep trying. Again and again. Until the system truly changes.

I know from experience, how hard that can be. So do you and me a favor and write a letter to your future self. The person who in two weeks, or two months, or two years is going to be tempted to leave early, because it’s just too tiring / hard / complicated. Write a letter and remind them why you’ve chosen to join the party now. Not sure where to start? Here’s what I recommend your letter:

• Start with empathy. Don’t beat up your future self for not hitting the mark. This sh*t is hard. But demand more from yourself, for me.
• Then articulate your personal why. Why is this so unacceptable to you? Why does the need for change feel so urgent?
• And the lastly commit to action. What will you do to educate yourself on the issues? How will you challenge anti-black racism and violence? How will you hold our state accountable to not murdering her citizens?

I’m not kidding. I’m not being metaphorical. Write a letter. Record a Journal… whatever you can do to take the fire you feel now and memorialize it. And then keep coming back to it when you need to. Again and again. Because you will need to.

Get your future self to stick around long enough to see the system change. Do the work, so another murdered black body doesn’t have to.

I need you. We need you. And I don’t want us to keep having to pay for your attention with our blood.

In love,

Thomas