Decisions: The Weight of Untaken Chances

Beyond the Noise of Fear - Lower the Volume

Decision making. It's a tough one, to wrestle with. I mean, think about it. Life's already busy, and money's tight. But let's be real, it's not gonna get easier. If anything, it's gonna get harder. So why not take the challenge when it presents itself? Why not build those skills and momentum now, so you can reap the rewards when things slow down? So easy to say, yet in reality, it's the most daunting hurdle to clear: conquering the insidious voice of self-doubt that threatens to derail our progress.

Psychologist Prof. Francesca Gino has some fascinating findings on what influences our judgment and decision-making. It turns out, a bunch of things play a role, like the environment we’re in, what others think, and even our own self-doubts. Her research dives into how different situations can shape our ethical behaviour, how we’re swayed by social norms and peer pressure, and how our own beliefs can sometimes hold us back from being creative or making ethical choices.

I know, I know, not enough money. Been there, done that. But here's the thing: you're gonna pay for it either way. Either with money or with time and effort. And honestly, I'd rather learn from other people's mistakes than my own. I mean, why not stand on the shoulders of giants who've gone before me? Dr. Joe Dispenza said it best: it's not about HOW to do it, but WHO’s done it before. So I get to learn from their steps, and avoid the lessons and pitfalls one often encounters in journeying the path gone before.

But then there are others. People who doubt me, who don't believe in me. And you know what? I get it. I've been there before, and I'm right back at the same place again. So I have a decision to make. Am I gonna blame them for holding me back, or am I gonna take full responsibility for where I ended up? Of course, I have to take responsibility. No one else can see my vision, because it's still just a freakin' vision. It's intangible, it's not materialised yet. So I need to own it… take full responsibility for where I’ve landed and how I want my next chapter to be written.

And that's where the torch-light analogy comes in. Think of it like this: our minds are like operating systems, filtering out noise and focusing on what we tell it is important. This is thanks to the Reticular Activating System (RAS), a network of neurons that acts as a filter, determining what information gets through to our conscious awareness. The RAS is like a torch-light, shining a beam on what we focus on, amplifying it, and allowing us to see more of it. But here's the thing: the RAS can also filter out information that doesn't align with our beliefs and expectations, making us blind to things that are right in front of us.

I saw this play out in my own life when my son's birthday was approaching. For months, he had been asking for Nerf guns, but just a week before his big day, he suddenly changed his mind and asked for a bicycle instead. I panicked, thinking I'd never find the time to get him a bike amidst the chaos. But then, on the drive to my parents' place that evening, I saw not one, not two, but three bike shops in that short stretch of road - shops I had never noticed before! It was as if my RAS had been tuned to notice them because I was now focused on finding a bike. Long story short - My son ended up getting not only seven Nerf guns but also a shiny new bike for his birthday. It was a powerful reminder of how our focus can shape our reality.

So, what do I want to focus on? The negative, or the positive? The doubts, or the possibilities? What do I want to tell my RAS to look out for? The choice is mine. Do I want to train my RAS to look out for more positive affirmations, and notice more positive outcomes appearing out of nowhere? Or do I want to let it default to the negative, and miss out on the good stuff? The decision is mine, and it starts with awareness.

So now the final roadblock is ME… what excuse can I give now for avoidance? Or better question yet, how can I hack my brain to avoid procrastination. I turn to Dr Tara Swart with visualisation techniques.

Dr. Tara Swart says it best: awareness comes first. I mean, think about it - we're always trying to change our behaviour and actions, but we forget that they're just the tip of the iceberg. There's a whole chain reaction that happens before we even get to that point - our beliefs, thoughts, and emotions all add up to create our attitudes, and then BAM! Our actions appear. So, if we want to change those actions, we need to go back to the beginning and acknowledge our thoughts and habits first. For me, that means taking a step back, watching what comes up, and deciding what I want to replace. And let's be real, I'm not gonna try to change everything overnight. That's just setting myself up for failure. So, I'll start small - one degree of change each day. Make it sustainable, you know? But the decision to start has to be made. No more procrastinating! And for me, I exercise 3 tools which l find most usual for me to find focus, hacked confidence and threshold-point for decision making.

Confidence in this case, pretty much starts with "tricking" the brain into thinking its already done it before and for small tasks like speaking or training or even going to the gym, I emulate what athletes do and visualise going through the steps in exactly the way I envision it to be successful, with the desired results and outcomes as well, and feeling the fulfilment completely - all the time repeating the mantra "See it and believe it!". And for longer harder goals, that's where the vision board comes in – or as Dr. Swart calls it, the Action Board, for it represents a goal board to take actions on for the coming term. More accurately: visualise, achieve, and celebrate. Break it down into small steps, and take it one mile at a time. Write it down, make it real, and watch it grow. Create a positive feedback loop, and infect the people around me with positivity. Wouldn't that be better than a gossip or cancel culture?

For the threshold point of decision making, I recall Steven Bartlett's 51% rule. He suggests that we'll only be 100% confident in our decisions in hindsight, when we can connect the dots looking back, after finally having witnessed how everything unfolded. To overcome procrastination, we should make measured decisions quickly once we're 51% confident in the choice we're about to make - and be willing to adjust or change course based on feedback and reevaluation.

And finally to help myself find focus, what I find most useful Andrew Huberman's "Eye Exercises for Improved Focus" where one would focus on a distant point for 30-60 secs. Then focus on the task you wish to achieve and then adding to Mel Robbin's 5 sec rule, which is a simple count down technique, for she explains that taking action within five seconds of feeling an impulse, before your brain kills it with overthinking.

So, what new culture would I like to create in my environment? What would I prefer to tell my mind to look out for? Make it playful and gamify it, to keep myself (if anyone) interested and engaged for a long time to come.