A Deep Reflection on Connection: I Could Not Feel, So I Tried to Touch

The statement "I could not feel, so I tried to touch" resonates deeply with those of us who have walked the path of disconnection. It's a cry from within when emotions are too overwhelming or perhaps too distant to comprehend, so we reach out externally, seeking something tangible, a sensation to remind us that we are here, alive, and part of this world. But touch alone, without connection to our true self, often leaves us empty.

As I embark on a year-long journey with Gabor Maté, delving into the practice of Compassionate Inquiry, I feel called to explore what it truly means to feel—what it takes to fully engage with life in a way that transcends touch and returns us to a state of pure gratitude.

The Road to Disconnection: Searching for What We Cannot Feel

In my years of practice and exploration, I’ve come to understand that our attempts to "touch" often come when we feel lost, numb, or dissociated from our emotional core. Dr. Edith Shiro, with whom I’ve shared years of deep inquiry into the unexpected gifts of trauma, reminds us that trauma often leads to this disconnection. When we experience deep pain, whether through grief, betrayal, abandonment, or the many small, subtle traumas of life, we may become disconnected from our emotional truth. The shadow—the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to hide or fear—looms larger, and we feel less whole.

When we are disconnected from the truth, we suffer. In this suffering, we try to grasp onto something—anything—to bring us back to the sensation of feeling. But in this grasping, we only further obscure our true essence.

Reclaiming Our Wholeness: Integrating Shadows and Empowering Our Gifts

The journey towards reconnection is not a linear one, nor is it a simple return to the light. It requires us to acknowledge the shadows, integrate them, and recognize that within those shadows lie the seeds of our greatest gifts. Matthew Brownstein, my teacher in Interpersonal Hypnotherapy, taught me that the subconscious mind holds both the traumas and the potential for transformation. By entering this space with compassion, we allow ourselves to revisit our past with a new lens—one that offers healing and empowerment rather than shame or guilt.

Likewise, Dr. Shefali, with whom I explored the power of Manifestation, guided me to see that it is in our acceptance of our imperfections and our wounds that we truly manifest our highest selves. When we empower our gifts, even the ones born from pain, we set the path for flourishing.

Gratitude as the Pathway to Connection

Ultimately, what connects us to life is not the external sensations we seek through touch, nor the avoidance of pain or shadows. It is the deep, embodied recognition of gratitude. Gratitude for the entire spectrum of our human experience—the joy, the pain, the loss, and the love. Gratitude for the lessons embedded within our struggles, and for the opportunity to learn from those struggles to become more whole.

Gabor Maté's work in Compassionate Inquiry encourages us to gently question the stories we've told ourselves and to approach our suffering with curiosity and kindness. When we do this, we uncover layers of suppressed emotions and beliefs that have kept us in disconnection. And with every layer we peel back, we move closer to feeling again—truly feeling. It is here, in the space of vulnerability and awareness, that we cultivate the purest form of gratitude.

Flourishing and the New Humanity

As we move through this process—acknowledging our shadows, integrating our essences, and empowering our gifts—we create a foundation for a new humanity. One that is no longer defined by separation and suffering, but by connection and compassion. This is the path to flourishing, both individually and collectively.

Our world is in desperate need of this transformation. The pressures of modern life have left many of us disconnected from ourselves, from each other, and from nature. But the answer is not in more external stimulation or greater "touch." It lies in going inward, integrating all aspects of our being, and walking the path of compassion and gratitude.

As I step further into this journey with Gabor Maté, I hold in my heart the wisdom I’ve gathered from Dr. Shefali, Matthew Brownstein, and Dr. Edith Shiro. Each of them has contributed to my understanding of what it means to heal and to live fully. I know that to be fully connected to life is to embrace all of it—its light and its dark—with a heart full of gratitude.

This is the work of integration, of healing, and of flourishing. It is the path to a new humanity, one rooted in compassion, understanding, and, ultimately, love.

Gabor Maté Dr. Edith Shiro The Institute of Interpersonal Hypnotherapy Compassionate Inquiry UPEACE Centre for Executive Education @conscious pare

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