Defending Your Hill: When to Stand Firm and When to Walk Away

I think we've all faced decisions about when to "defend your hill" and fight for what you believe in. I've held my ground on my fair share of situations, to varying degrees of success; for example:

Three Tales of Taking a Stand:

1. A few weeks ago, Japan was playing China in the Basketball Asia Cup Qualifiers, and I asked my wife and son how Japan had done against Guam. They both turned to me and said that Japan hadn’t played Guam and Guam wasn’t even a country. I insisted that Guam, while not a country, did play in the Asia Cup and that Japan had indeed played them. Both shrugged and we could have left it there, but I looked it up, and flashed the screen triumphantly showing Japan vs. Guam had ended in a win for Japan, 77-56. Eye rolls followed. Result: It was an unusually quiet dinner that evening
2. In a previous role, I ran the Japan office, and after an office refit, which included an expansion and new, bigger workstations, I received a note from my manager in Canada outlining where they expected each person on my team to sit. This did not align with my own thinking of how I wanted the office to be set up, so I sent a counter-proposal showing how I wanted the office to be staffed and where each person would sit, with an explanation behind my thinking. This led to a back-and-forth that resulted in my being told that the office was paid for by them, and it would be set up exactly how they wanted it to and there would be no further discussion. Result: I ultimately made the executive decision to set up the office as I felt best aligned with our operations, and took my chances. When they came to visit several months later, everything was running smoothly and nothing further was said
3. In one role, I had a team member who was perceived as a low performer. After watching this person closely for a while, I realized that it was not low performance, but rather a lack of clear communication of the complexity of the work and the strategic approach to addressing these challenges (similar to my 17-year-old son who is very good at math, but often neglects to show his work to reach the answer on the test page, so he gets docked marks). I spent some time with the team member to set clear milestones, set up regular reporting against these milestones, with the goal of improving perception of the work being done. Result: After some healthy debate and honest reflection of performance to date, as well as future potential, there was general agreement among peers and leadership that there was stronger work being done than had been perceived.

In each of these instances, I defended a hill, with different results. It got me thinking about when and how to defend your hill.

Reflecting on My Choices:

Looking back, I recognize that not every battle was worth fighting. While I felt vindicated in proving my point about the basketball game, the victory was insignificant and ultimately strained the atmosphere that night.

In the office situation, challenging headquarters may have eroded trust and diminished my ability to advocate for future changes, and ultimately there were other ways to change the outcome besides direct confrontation.

Before You Dig In, Consider:

• Defining Victory: What outcome do you seek? A complete reversal, a compromise, or simply planting a seed of doubt? Recognizing the nuances of "winning" is crucial.
• The Price of Resistance: Weigh the potential costs, including time, energy, emotional toll, and potential for strained relationships or career consequences.

Lessons Learned from My Experiences:

• In the first instance: I could have simply satisfied my curiosity by looking up the information privately, avoiding unnecessary conflict. If they wanted to know, they could always raise later.
• In the second instance: While I disagreed with their initial plan, perhaps accepting their design, assessing and adjusting as needed along the way could have earned their trust and paved the way for a better reaction to what I was proposing.
• In the third instance: My approach proved valuable. Observing, coaching, and demonstrating positive change before voicing my concerns led to a positive outcome.

Choosing Your Battles:

Not every fight is worth fighting. Consider:

• Importance: How significant is the issue? Does it truly warrant potential conflict?
• Counterpart's Receptiveness: Are you dealing with someone open to your perspective, or is their position predetermined?
• Political Capital: Do you have the "goodwill" necessary to challenge their view without jeopardizing future relationships?
• Energy: Are you prepared for the potential emotional and mental exertion of a prolonged battle?
• Impact: Will the fight ultimately make a significant difference?

The Bigger Picture:

Defending your hill often extends beyond the immediate issue. It can represent standing up for your principles, challenging harmful norms, and inspiring others to do the same. While the consequences may vary, taking a stand can have lasting effects, both positive and negative, that resonate far beyond the immediate conflict.

How and when you choose to take a stand is a very personal decision; how will you make yours?