In Defense of Good Manners

I’ve come to a realisation: good manners have guided my use of LinkedIn and resulting business success. Not just please-and-thank-you manners, but real, old-school manners built on unshakeable principles and integrity. The manners my granddad grew up valuing, where the local butcher got to know their customers, more concerned with their individual needs and preferences than their shop’s bottom line.

These manners fell to the wayside, and we lost our way. People flocked to the cities in the 1980s, and we all got used to being anonymous. The butcher who knew the names of our kids became invasive, even creepy. Interruption marketing was born, and selling got louder and louder until we all learned to ignore it.

As Jim Morris puts it in his stunning book Badvertising, “People don’t suffer from advertising blindness. They cultivate and value it.” It’s no wonder 763.5 million internet users worldwide use ad blockers.

Today, the landscape is even more treacherous, the climate more unpredictable. Lockdowns and restrictions have changed the way we work (and live), and online platforms like LinkedIn have become our primary place of selling (or connecting, whichever way you see it).

So here I am, writing in defense of good manners, calling you to follow me back to niceties. Less noise, more giving. Less selling, more value. Less predator-in-waiting, more helping.

Good manners might not look the same as they did back in my granddad’s time, but the intentions will. Here are four simple ways you can cut through the noise and show your audience that you really, really see them.

Who knows? A return to good manners could become one of your key differentiators.

Make value your North Star

I know. You believe that your product or service solves a problem, and by telling the world what you offer, you are being helpful. But step back and put yourself in your prospects’ shoes. They have questions that one quick and dirty sales-driven post cannot answer:

• Is your expertise legitimate? Does it run deep?
• Is your credibility verified?
• Are you trustworthy?
• If they decide to purchase whatever it is you’re selling, how will they be treated?

I often say to my clients that relationships are built one sentence at a time, and it’s true. You can’t go in for the kill right off the bat. Slowly is the only way forward. So, when it comes to posting and interacting with your network on LinkedIn, value must be your North Star.

Give your connections something for nothing. Share your expert opinion on an emerging industry trend or newsworthy event. Be generous with your knowledge by posting how-tos and tips. Show rather than tell. Be like the famous chef that gives away their recipes for free and watches the line outside their restaurant get longer and longer.

Participate in the conversation

One-sided relationships don’t work – not in our personal lives or our professional circles. Commenting on your connections’ posts gives them the gift of your attention. It shows them you have time for their thoughts. And it reminds them you exist, an essential for customer retention.

What does a good comment look like? Well, it’s got to be more than one word. People want to feel heard, so be sure to demonstrate that you actually read their post.

You can also tag the person by typing @ and then, without adding a space, their name and clicking on their photo when it pops up. Hit backspace if you want to remove their last name. Tagging sends the person a notification, so you can be sure they’ll see your comment.

Personalise connection invitations

Please, if you want to connect with someone new on LinkedIn, personalise the connection invitation with a short message. Tell them why you want to connect. Show them that you chose them for a reason. Or risk looking like the person who connects spray-gun-style with whoever the algorithm sends to the My Network page.

Here’s how you can add a personal message to a connection invitation:

• Head to the person’s profile and click the Connect button
• Click ‘Add Note’
• Type up your message, keeping in mind you have a 300-character limit
• Click ‘Send invitation.’

If the person has 'Follow' as the only visible option, click 'More' and follow the steps above.

Experiment with voice messages

Bots and automation software and extensions are prohibited on LinkedIn, but disappointingly, the use of third-party relationship-building (relationship-destroying would be more apt) apps is not uncommon. So take this as your opportunity to leverage the warmth of voice messages to show your clients that you are thinking of them.

Yes, it can feel a little bit embarrassing recording and sending a voice message (hint: don’t listen back if you don’t have to), but I promise your clients and prospects will appreciate your effort. Something about the human voice and how we use it conveys more than the written word ever could.

New world, same values

Whether we like it or not, our world has evolved, and our lives are increasingly unfolding online. But LinkedIn and other platforms don’t have to be cold, desolate places where chatbots and ads rule. We can make them warm, welcoming, human. We can use good manners to connect, build trust, nurture relationships, and thrive.

Good manners matter. It’s time we put them back into practice. Are you with me?