Denial and Acceptance facing the Change

"We've always done it this way" and "Maybe we should do it differently, but it's not possible."

Is a project going to change your daily routine? Does a suggestion from a new colleague challenge your process or the way you do things? If you've experienced these situations, I propose exploring some paths to benefit from these changes.

Starting with Denial

Since the famous Kübler-Ross model, the change curve has been associated with the change curve of grief. It consists of the following five stages:

- Denial,

- Anger,

- Bargaining,

- Depression,

- Acceptance.

Although this model isn't an absolute truth, one thing is certain: the first reaction to change is a form of denial. Denial of the fact, denial of the impact, denial of the opportunities—we don't realize all the possibilities in the first moments. This can generate various types of feelings—what we feel internally—and therefore emotions—feelings that drive us to action: fear, anxiety, or enthusiasm, desire, excitement. However, denial is most often revealed by the absence of feeling and emotion. Reality is simply denied. Indeed, our brains and our society do not always teach us to listen to our feelings. Moreover, since education is the art of repeating teachings, we have learned to love things that are fixed, repetitive. Denial is then the "normal" reaction, the one initially desired by our brain and our upbringing. It is at this moment that our "consciousness" must take over, to "become aware" of the facts and reality.

Accepting Reality

Whether or not one has to go through the above stages is individual. However, the goal is to eventually accept reality. When we see the number of myths and beliefs that persist around the world, we realize that the task is not so simple. Indeed, faced with the impact of a change, and the shock, it may happen that rational consciousness does not take over, and the individual prefers to adopt a belief. In my opinion, this illustrates a state related to one of the three intermediate stages:

- Anger: the zeal of an overly exacerbated belief, of the extremism type,

- Bargaining: a belief linked to a practice of bonuses/penalties, of the karma type,

- Depression: a belief of perpetual penitence.

Facing reality head-on, accepting the tragic or the absurd in the manner of a Prometheus or a Sisyphus, is far from simple and often requires support. It's often the role of a therapist, an external consultant, a friend, or a teacher. In any change and transformation, this acceptance stage is crucial. It is necessary; without it, no transformation will be fruitful, and the opportunities will not be realized.

However, it is not sufficient. Indeed, seeing reality, the change, can often demobilize. The individual may feel powerless in the face of the mountain ahead. It is then that one must find the strength to move forward, to throw oneself into the future even if some points are still unknown. Where to find this strength?

Some may find this strength in self-confidence, through a personal learning process or working on a given situation. For my part, I refer to Plato. Indeed, in his Symposium, he has Socrates speak, indicating that the main emotion, the main driving force is love, friendship, let's say differently, trust in others, in our loved ones.

The engine of change can then stem from an introspective approach or be carried by the collective's strength, by the group's charisma, a shared trust in a common direction. To succeed in moving forward, to maximize a transformation, the key is to mobilize the collective in the same trajectory. The challenge for the leader is to get everyone to work in a dynamic of trust, combining the strength of the group with personal approaches.

Psychology of Change

In conclusion, every individual or colleague perceives a change through a phase of denial. The role of the manager, leader, consultant, or project manager is to guide their interlocutor into an acceptance phase, making them perceive the opportunities, as well as the learning steps in the context of a personal or introspective approach. But this is not enough; to create momentum, it is then necessary to create an atmosphere of trust. So, how to successfully create this trust? My conviction is to base the relationship on common values and objectives. When a collective knows it is invested with a common goal, or shares a sense, there is no transformation or trial that can block or scare it.

Convictions and Key Points:

- Denial in the face of change is a normal reaction.

- Acceptance is not natural, and it is necessary to be accompanied to perceive the opportunities, for example by a friend or an external consultant.

- The dynamics of transformation can only occur on an acceptance of reality; it is necessary to create a relationship of trust that allows the individual to move forward.

- Trust is based on the feeling of belonging to the group, and on the values that constitute it.