DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH
I use to sit down and have a drink with folks and most times you find someone who just talks and talks without stopping, I know as I mentioned this someone came to your mind, someone who just will not shot up or keep quiet. A particular person come to mind as I think about it, from the moment we get together, he starts talking, and he doesn’t stop until we part ways. It’s impressive, really. FAMILYFRIENDSHOLLYWOODGOSSIPHECANTSTANDTHISPERSONORTHATPERSONSOMETHINGABOUTNIGERIAANDTHECAOITALOFDELAWARECHOCOLATETASTESGOODBUTHHATESCHOCOLATECAKE. He just keeps going; sometimes I have to do everything in my being to restrain myself from pounding the table and shouting everything that I am thinking. I wonder how cold this drink is. Hopefully very cold. Maybe I will throw it all over you, just so you will pause and take a breath. You will have to then. Because you would be cold. Maybe then I could get a word in. ....... ……… you still haven’t stopped talking. I like the guy, but He drives me crazy. People who interact this way drive all of us crazy, and we all seem to have one friend that does it. If you don’t, then you might be the friend.
The funny part is that when it comes to God, I was this friend. When I was a teenager, I was taught to pray using the “ACTS model” of prayer (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication). It was okay for a while, I guess, but of course, that prayer model, like so many, puts a zipper over God’s mouth. It’s all about what I have to say and God listening to me.
God, you are the most high, king of king and lord of lords, forgive me for all my sins as you said if we confess our sins you are faithful and just to forgive and cleans us from all unrighteousness, and forgive me for my sins. God, thank you for all you have given me- for our house and family. God, you are holy and you are faithful. You are always there for me, and I love that about you. God, please watch over my family and friends. We all need you, and work in my heart too, and do great things in this country. Amen.
That sounds like a decent prayer, and I suppose it is. I have got praise, thanksgiving, requests, and even some confession. Very well rounded. But, just like when I am with my friend, in that kind of “conversation,” only one of us has the chance to talk. And that’s how God and I communicated. Over the course of five to fifteen minutes, I would throw everything at God. Then I would say Amen and be on my way, without giving him the chance to say one word.
My time in scripture wasn’t much different either. I came at it to get what I wanted—the next insight, tidbit, or gem, and I would move through it without stopping until I unearthed it. Bulling over and through the words. Sometimes I would set a goal of reading through the New Testament in months, or some other amount of time, and I would read through, never pausing or slowing down to listen. Oh, I learned a lot and was even filled by it. I could talk about more of it, but I never invited God to speak to me or guide me through it. I never saw or treated Scripture as God’s mouthpiece to me. And it never even crossed my mind that my heart may be suffering as a result, dying even. But my soul was dying, because by talking too much, living too loud, and failing to listen, I missed an essential of the heart. God’s voice.
Often, it is the most rejuvenating and encouraging thing in my life. I frequently find myself longing for it, and simply hearing it gives me joy. It offers me comfort and it encourages me. It energizes, convicts, and directs me. God’s voice is a cascade, the loosed fire on my sweltering and parched spirit. Our hearts thirst for and need the voice of God, and God wants to speak to us. He is personal like that. We are special to him like that. God wants to talk to you, and he wants to talk to me. Of course, if I am not listening, all of that becomes moot. It doesn’t really matter. Maybe that’s why Jesus tells us to go into our rooms and close the door to pray. Maybe it’s because unless we listen to someone, we are not really in much of a relationship. Maybe it’s because someone can shout at me all they want while I am in a crowded place or at a market, but I probably won’t hear them. I can’t have great conversations there. Maybe Jesus is shifting how we approach God, moving us to an essential part of our relationship with him and our overall health; LISTENING.
I have learned a lot about listening to God recently. I realized how much I talk to God about my life, the world, and what I want. I do it all the time, and then I realized how little I listen to God and what he wants to say to me. I rarely do that. Since that day I have begun listening to God, and I have never been the same.” I shifted away from an ever-talking life to a more listening- oriented life, I am experiencing the tremendous fruit of it, experiencing how refreshing God’s voice can be and I still do now. I am becoming a listener, someone who retreats into my room, closes the door, and drinks of God’s voice. After years of suffering from raging diarrhea of the mouth and turning a deaf ear to God’s voice, I am finally listening.
Everyday, through a sleepy neighborhood, I pray. And other than the faint sound of speeding cars and bikes a few houses away and the children playing; I am hit with a muffled thud of silence. No phone. No laptop, No people. Just quiet. If there is something I have to get out to God, I get out, but for the most part I say, God, lend me your voice. I want to know about you. I want to hear from you. What’s on your heart today, what’s important to you what are you thinking about? Speak to me. And then I just listen. It’s not like I have become a mime or anything. It’s not that I don’t ever tell God about what I want, vent to him, or confess and tell him that I love him. I do, but I guess the sound of my voice has become so sour compared to the sound of his, and this is true of my interaction with scripture as well. It’s no longer always about finding what I want or learning something new. It’s about hearing God. I don’t just want words. I don’t want another nugget to carry around. I want the sound of his voice. I want him. So I sit quietly, open my Bible and read. Listening, Slowly, Quietly.
As I continue to move further into this life of listening, it seems that the exchanges with God that refresh my spirit most are those when I hardly utter a word. Simply hearing God’s voice does so much more for the heart than hearing my own ever could.
Taimanda Shalhona