Discover your family HiStory

It's 1962. A small one-bedroom ground-floor flat in the quiet, leafy suburb of Sion in Bombay, where a 52-year-old Tamil gentleman lives on rent with his family.

He works as an admin in-charge in a stock brokerage firm in Dalal Street, Fort, and is paid just about enough to raise his family of a wife and 4 children. The eldest is a boy, aged 15. Then two girls (13 and 11) and the youngest is another boy (9).

His wife can read Tamil, but hasn’t attended formal school. Among the kids, the eldest boy is sincere and doing well in school.

However, the Tamilian gentleman isn’t exactly bothered with his son’s studies. Every evening and on weekends, he has a beloved pastime – volunteering at the nearby Shanmukhananda Sabha to organize various events and activities.

Their life - a simple one with simple pleasures - goes on.

Then tragedy strikes. At around 11 am on a Sunday in early-Sep 1962, the Tamilian gentleman has a massive heart attack. He does not even make it to the hospital.

The eldest son - my father - was 15 when that Tamilian gentleman - my grandfather - suddenly passed away on that September day.

I frequently think of the weight of that moment on the family. The one earning member of the family gone, leaving behind 5 dependents. No savings, no other income source, no rich family member to go to.

The future must have seemed bleak.

***

Last Saturday (Sep-10th) was my dad’s 75th birthday and my younger brother ( Guru Sundaram ) and I decided to do something different.

No, we did not call a bazillion people for a celebration. We did not throw a surprise party. And we did not even buy him any major gift.

Instead, over the last few weeks, we have been recording a long podcast conversation with him about his life.

People are repositories of stories. My dad – like everyone else – has lived a rich eventful life. A life filled with moments of fun. Moments of deep sorrow. Moments of heady achievements. Moments of crushing disappointment. And extraordinary moments of struggle against incredible odds.

A struggle that got us to where we are.

My brother and I decided to get him to share and relive those moments with us through a series of recorded conversations.

Over the past two to three weeks, we have spoken for a total of about seven hours. We are not yet done though - there's much more to come!

The entire recording would be an amazing repository of memories, stories, insights and wisdom.

Later in the year, we shall figure out how to share some edited excerpts (and our impressions) with the wider world.

But even if we don’t manage to do that one thing is clear to me: The conversation would be a treasured family heirloom for us to be passed on from generation to generation. For me, the process itself has been so enjoyable that it has been worth all the time and effort (which is surprisingly low, btw!).

In sum: I cannot recommend this idea highly enough to everyone!

This weekend, walk up to your dad, mom, grandparents, uncle, aunt, anyone… and request them for some time to share their stories... and record them.

You owe it to your future generations. And you will be amazed at the treasure that you unearth.

***

So, how did my family cope with the tragic loss of my grandfather? One, they got massive support from an angel in the form of my grandfather’s employer, the stock broker in Dalal Street. Despite not having any obligation to do so, here is the offer he made to my grandmother:

“Your husband’s last drawn salary was Rs. 350/month. And you have Rs. 10,000 as life-insurance payout. You can keep it in safe custody with me and I will continue to pay you his monthly salary of Rs. 350 till your son completes his studies... And once he has completed his studies, I will also return the 10,000 back to you.”

It was a very generous offer. He was ready to pay Rs. 4,200 per year for the next 5-6 years on a base of just Rs. 10,000.

Despite some contrary advice from her brother to move back to her village in Tamil Nadu, my grandmother decided to take the offer and remain in Mumbai. And fight on. And my father continued to study.

Then through sheer hard work, sacrifice, and single-minded devotion, my grandmother, father and his siblings worked their way out of this situation. My father completed his B.Sc. in Chemistry, went on to complete his Masters in Biochemistry from Mumbai University, and then got a job with an MNC in 1969. 

My father believes that without a “positive-we-can-and-we-will-do” attitude of my grandmother, his achievements would have been impossible.

He went on to serve that company for 38 long years, retiring in 2007. And, along with his wonderful wife, he managed to give a comfortable, all-needs-fulfilled upbringing to his two sons.

I am so thankful for the generosity of my grandfather’s employer in Dalal Street.

And I am just so incredibly proud of what my father, grandmother, uncle and aunts managed to achieve, despite being dealt with such a tough life shock at a young age.

***

It is never too late (or too early) to have such conversations with your loved ones.

Today is my parents' wedding anniversary and I dearly wish I could have had a similar set of conversations with my mom, who unfortunately passed away at the young age of 55.

But I'm so glad we are able to do this with my dad.

I hope this post encourages more folks to do this. Here's to some magical conversations!

***

The How: Logistics

And now for some tips on the logistics, for those who are interested in doing this.

Disclaimer: I’m not a tech-expert in any way. You will surely get better and smarter suggestions online. Anyway, here are some of my thoughts.

First up, you do not need any fancy equipment or setup to make this happen.

I’ve categorized the options under 2 heads – a Basic setup and an Advanced setup.

Also I’ve considered two scenarios – one if all participants are in the same room, and two if one or more members are joining remotely

Scenario 1: If all the participants are in the same room

Further reading: How to record conversations on Zoom or MS Teams

Scenario 2: If one or more members are in different geographies

Also, in case you are curious, here’s the setup we used for our recording.

1. Rooms: My dad and I recorded from different rooms in the same house in Pune, while my brother joined in from his house in Sydney
2. Laptop and recording: We did the call through three separate laptops through the Zoom app (I have the paid version).
3. Internet: My dad normally uses his phone’s 4G connection as a hotspot for his computer – but we were noticing some voice breakage and so moved him to a place where we could get the Wi-Fi signal.
4. Mic: I gave my dad my USB Mic since we wanted his voice to come clearly. My brother and I used the computer’s inbuilt mics.
5. Headphones: We all used headphones (simple wired ones for my dad and wireless ones that we normally use). Any pair will do – essentially you do not want to hear the echo of the other person’s voice through your mic.
6. Kids: My wife's invaluable contribution to this activity was ensuring that the kids are outside the house (Our four-year-old daughter has a strict policy of not allowing any adult conversation without her being a part of it. Correction, dominating it.)
7. Test: We did a check of the mic and speaker before starting
8. Recording: We recorded the conversation through the Zoom app on the cloud
9. Text: We are getting the conversation transcribed

Please feel free to reach out to me in case you have any questions about the process. Also, if you have any suggestions on making the process easier or more effective, please share the same in the comments.

So, what stories are you going to dig out the coming weekend? :)

***

Cover image by Harli Marten on Unsplash