Disrespect and Disconnection ... The 5 Biggest Mistakes Managers Make When Managing Up!

Hi everyone and welcome to Respectful Workplace Insights!

One of the most common questions I’m asked when commencing a coaching engagement with a newly appointed manager is:

“How do I know what conversations I should be having when managing up, down or sideways?”

Good question!

Today’s edition focuses on the 5 biggest mistakes managers make when managing up.

The 5 Biggest Mistakes Managers Make When Managing Up.

1. Not Communicating Effectively

When managers fail to communicate effectively while managing up, they risk misalignment, low trust, and missed opportunities.

Examples:

• Incomplete or Disorganised Updates – giving leaders fragmented, vague, or overly detailed information that lacks focus or structure.

Leaders are unable to extract actionable insights, which undermines their ability to make informed decisions.

Senior leaders have limited time and need clear, concise, and relevant information. Poorly structured updates waste time and increase frustration.

• Not Being Proactive - when issues or updates are withheld until they become urgent, or leaders are left uninformed about progress.

When leaders hear about problems at the last minute, they’re unprepared to address them.

It erodes trust and confidence in the manager’s ability to foresee and handle challenges.

• Misreading Communication Preferences - when managers communicate in a way that doesn’t align with the leader’s preferred style.

Providing excessive details to a big-picture thinker or insufficient context to a data-driven decision-maker doesn’t work.

Communication becomes less effective and results in misunderstandings, frustration, or missed opportunities to gain leadership buy in.

Effective communication when managing up requires clarity, proactivity, and adaptability

2. Prioritising Authority Over Relationship

When managers prioritise authority over relationships while managing up, they risk alienating senior leaders, eroding trust, and damaging collaboration.

Examples:

• Compliance Over Connection – when managers focus on executing tasks without building rapport or understanding their leader's priorities and concerns.

Leaders may see the manager as robotic or transactional, and lacking the relational trust needed for effective collaboration and mutual understanding.

• Deferring to Hierarchy – when managers overly defer to a leader’s authority, avoid sharing ideas or challenging decisions, they fail to act as a trusted partner.

Leaders may feel unsupported or perceive the manager as lacking initiative, critical thinking, or confidence.

• ‘Power-Over-Others’ with Senior Leaders – when managers adopt a directive approach, by asserting control or dictating terms to senior leaders, they often overstep boundaries.

It creates friction, undermines collaboration, and can be perceived as arrogance or disrespect. Leaders may disengage or push back.

Fostering strong relationships is essential for effectively managing up.

Combine respect for hierarchy with relational trust, open communication, and collaboration!

3. Ignoring Individual and Team Dynamics

When managers ignore individual and team dynamics while managing up, they risk misrepresenting their team, and missing opportunities to foster alignment and collaboration.

Examples:

• Misrepresenting Team Needs and Perspectives - when managers present their own views or marginalise team input without fully understanding or advocating for the team's challenges, insights, or achievements.

When leaders receive a skewed or incomplete picture of team dynamics, it can erode trust within the team and diminish the manager’s credibility.

• Misjudging the Individual Dynamics of Senior Leaders – when managers fail to tailor their communication or influence strategies to the preferences, motivations, and decision-making styles of senior leaders.

Leaders may feel the manager doesn’t understand their priorities or working style.

• Overlooking the Impact of Team Dynamics on Results - when managers focus exclusively on outputs and metrics with senior leaders, they ignore the interpersonal factors affecting team culture and performance.

Leaders remain unaware of underlying team challenges, such as conflict, burnout, or skill gaps that may impact long-term results.

It can result in misaligned expectations and poor decision-making.

Managers can foster stronger alignment and better outcomes by aligning leadership priorities with team realities!

4. Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Avoiding difficult conversations when managing up can escalate unresolved issues, misaligned expectations, and lost opportunities for growth.

Examples:

• Not Addressing Unrealistic Expectations – when managers don’t push back or negotiate timelines, resources, or deliverables, resulting in unattainable goals or overwhelming pressure on their team.

Leaders may assume everything’s under control, only to be blindsided by delays or failures. It damages credibility and trust while demoralising the team.

• Avoiding Feedback – when managers resist providing honest feedback to senior leaders about their decisions, communication, or leadership approach due to the fear of any repercussions.

Without feedback, leaders may continue counterproductive behaviours.

It also limits opportunities for improving processes or outcomes.

• Ignoring Conflict - when managers avoid discussing tension, disagreements, or conflicting priorities with senior leaders, hoping issues will magically disappear.

Unresolved issues contribute to strained relationships and poor decision-making.

Leaders may misinterpret silence as agreement or disengagement.

Proactive, honest, and solution-focused communication resolves immediate issues and strengthens the relationship with senior leaders!

5. Micromanaging or Abdicating Responsibility

When managing up, micromanaging or abdicating responsibility can reduce trust, productivity, and alignment with senior leaders.

Examples:

• Micromanaging Senior Leaders’ Decisions or Processes - when managers overstep boundaries by overly involving themselves in decisions or processes that fall under senior leaders’ scope.

It creates friction, undermines the leader’s authority, and distracts from the manager’s own responsibilities.

It can also erode trust and respect in the relationship.

• Avoiding Responsibility - when managers defer all accountability for resolving challenges to senior leaders, expecting them to solve problems the manager or their team should handle.

Leaders will perceive the manager as incapable or disengaged, leading to frustration and undermining confidence in their ability to lead effectively.

• Not Balancing Involvement and Delegation - when managers either overreach by involving themselves in areas outside their domain (micromanagement) or fail to provide leaders with the necessary updates, insights, or context to make informed decisions (abdication).

Overreach causes frustration and inefficiency, while abdication leaves leaders in the dark.

The right balance of proactive communication, appropriate delegation, and support for senior leaders fosters trust, alignment, and effective collaboration!

The bottom line is …

When managing up, connect with intention and respect … everything can be resolved through communication!

“Take the time and energy to manage your boss the same way you manage your team!” – David Cottrell.

Thanks for reading this edition of Respectful Workplace Insights.

See you next week!

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Besides my newsletter, here’s how I can help you build a connected culture:

1. Find out about how you can eliminate disrespectful conversations and toxic behaviour - book a chat to find out more HERE

2. Speak with me personally to plan out your strategy.

Respectful Workplace Insights is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight some of the things that get in the way of creating a respectful workplace culture. Eliminating disrespectful, unproductive and depleting conversations and behaviour that are getting in the way of building respectful relationships, alignment and performance is where we start.

Each week I'll offer insights on how to do that so you can create a respectful workplace culture where everyone feels safe and included.