Dive Into the Magic: 3 Lessons from Gender Magic by Rae McDaniel

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What we say has power. For example, when discussing a position that requires extensive travel, you may want to inquire if the candidate is comfortable being away from their family. Or, when you’re looking to hire someone for your “girl boss” program or need someone to “man around the office and handle pressure.”

These phrases might seem harmless, but they can be subtly harmful to people, especially to individuals who identify as transgender or non-binary. Well, it’s not just about pronouns. To effectively run your hiring and advancement programs or even be an ally, it’s important to be mindful not only of what you say but also how you ‘be’.

That’s right, folks. We’ve been doing some book reviews lately, and Rae McDaniel’s book Gender Magic is the fifth addition to that list. Recently, we’ve delved into 4 powerful reads: Dr. Janice Gassam Asare’s Decentering Whiteness in the Workplace, Dr. Nika White’s Inclusion Uncomplicated, Dr. A.C. Fowlkes’s Transgender Inclusion, and Derrick Pledger’s Your Brain Weighs 500 Pounds. This week, we’re catching another wave of insight with Rae McDaniel’s Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim Your Joy, & Step into Your Most Authentic Self.

So, what is Gender Magic all about?

Gender Magic is a guide for people of all genders. It throws a lifeline to anyone navigating the tricky waters of gender identity, especially for those identifying as transgender or non-binary. Rae, with years of personal and professional experience, gives us the Gender Freedom Model—a guide that turns the daunting journey of gender exploration into an adventure of Play, Pleasure, and endless Possibility.

The book covers everything from overcoming anxiety and self-doubt to crafting a life that’s truly your own. Fair warning: it can quickly become a go-to guide for anyone ready to experience their gender in profoundly new and liberating ways.

We’re sharing three standout lessons here that really hit home for us, hoping they resonate with you too. Let’s get started.

Lesson #1: Suffering Should Not Be the Cornerstone of Transgender Narratives

When we hear about the tales of transition, our minds often drift to tales of suffering and anxiety. Faced with discrimination, harm, and even suicide, it’s common for support networks to default to reactive harm-reduction strategies rather than proactive emotional support. While these approaches have their place, they paint a rather bleak picture, often excluding many from the narrative.

Rae asks us to discard the pessimistic side of transgender experience—that it’s mostly about struggle—and convinces us that it’s time to discard the gloom and embrace the bloom. They insist that suffering should not be the main character in transition stories. Instead, we should fill those stories with joy, curiosity, self-growth, possibility, and a whole lot of pleasure—without ignoring or trivializing the real struggles, of course.

Labeling non-conforming gender stories as “brave” or “inspirational” might seem uplifting, but often, it misses the whole picture. It leaves out the part where exploring and transitioning one’s gender can actually be an exciting journey.

The author introduces us to the Gender Freedom Model of Play, Pleasure, and Possibility, which is all about finding hope, tools, and the courage to take up space in a world that shines brighter with the person in it.

Lesson #2: There’s No Single Transgender Community

This lesson is crucial for people of all genders and professional roles. Rae explains that the transgender community is simply a group of humans who share similar values, much like any other group.

Transgender and non-binary individuals often share different intersectional identities, life experiences, values, beliefs, and norms. Just like any large group that shares a common identity, some people resonate with each other and some do not.

Rae suggests that individuals who identify as transgender should not seek approval from their community at all costs. Instead, they should focus on building kinship that promotes intimacy, connection, safety, and commitment. According to the author, kinship is “claiming someone as your family.” A kin can be a family member, a friend, a colleague, or anyone with whom one can share a sense of belonging.

One of the simplest forms of allyship is to become a part of someone's "kinship network," creating a sense of belonging. The more that those involved in hiring and advancement understand this, the better they can relate to their candidates and employees who have been marginalized due to their gender.

Lesson #3: Power Lies in Moving Away From “I Can’t” to “How Could I?”

If “I can’t” is a familiar refrain in your vocabulary, Rae wants you to toss that out, jump-start your imagination, and start asking, “How could I?” instead.  It’s about transforming the impossible into “I’m possible.” Rae encourages tiny experiments to discover what ignites your passion, injecting more Possibility into your life beyond just gender exploration.

The author asks: What would you do if fear wasn’t holding you back? This invites you to not only dream big but also to start laying down practical steps toward realizing those dreams. Rae encourages us to accept the realities we face, to stop being paralyzed by “gravity problems” beyond our control, and to understand that not every endeavor will pan out as planned. It’s okay if not everything works out; every misstep is just a detour on the road to where you’re meant to be, the author says.

Structured into 3 parts and 13 chapters, Gender Magic turns the tide from the negative side of the gender experience into a positive exploration of life beyond gender. To individuals who identify as transgender or non-binary, it offers a framework guide to experimenting, pleasing, and exploring possibilities with courage and openness.

Likewise, hiring professionals can embrace the lessons of experimentation, kinship, and possibility to better relate to and retain gender-marginalized candidates and employees. Understanding the diverse experiences and needs of transgender and non-binary individuals is crucial in creating an environment where everyone can thrive.

That was all for this week. With a promise to bring another exciting read in the future, here are the links to the four book articles mentioned at the start, so you don’t have to skim through our newsletter series:

• 4 Brilliant Lessons from Dr. Janice Gassam Asare’s Decentering Whiteness in the Workplace
• 3 Key Insights from Dr. Nika White’s Inclusion Uncomplicated
• Navigating Trans Conversations: 3 Key Insights From Dr. A.C. Fowlkes’s Transgender Inclusion
• Plan Your Success: 100 Life-Changing Recipes from Derrick Pledger’s Your Brain Weighs 500 Pounds

JOIN US IN THE COMMENTS

Now, we’re turning it over to you: How can you start moving from “I can’t” to “How could I?” today? Are there dreams you’ve been sitting on? Drop your thoughts in the comments.