Is Divorce really the last resort? Rekindle the lost spark in your Marital Life!

Is Divorce really the last resort? Rekindle the lost spark in your Marital Life!

“No, it’s not working at all”, “I need some space and freedom for myself”, “I am no way less than you in any sense”, “Am I here to rear your children and spend a life of a dumb headed slave at home?”, “God dam it! I work hard at office to give you a lavish life style, don’t expect me to be at your disposal every time”, “You have no time for me or your children, it won’t go long like this”.

Aren’t we all familiar with such or alike conversation in our own families or in life of our friends, neighbours or relatives? The answer is always a big YES and it’s true.

Before we contemplate upon the common snags and complications that are causing the rapid increase in the divorce rate in India, let’s ponder upon the below statement for a few seconds,

“Everyone asks if you have a career, are married, own a house, have children, as if life was some kind of grocery list but no one ever asks if you are happy”. No doubt, happiness holds paramount importance in our life but the fact is that the parameters of happiness have changed. The common ideology of Happy Married Life has recently changed owing to drastic changes in life style, temperament and society as a whole. Let’s delineate upon certain major issues;

Change of Gender Stereotyped Roles:- It was by default presumed that the males are the earning heads of the family while the females are meant to be at home, but the scenario has changed recently, the females now stand at par with males on professional grounds and it becomes difficult to reconcile with the situation. The women now want equal contribution of males in household chores as they both are earning the same and both are out for work for similar duration. The so called women empowerment is losing its significance at a certain level.    

Lack of Patience and Acceptance for Differences:- Gone are the days, when the couple were deemed to compliment and complete each other. The differences were warmly accepted and adjustments were made to let the marital bond last but now the attitude has changed. Today the marriages are dissolved if there are differences in likings, opinions, needs, preferences giving the tag of “Incompatibility” between the partners.

Constant Negligence and Deprivation of Quality Time: - With a tough and hectic lifestyle and long working hours, the negligence of one of the partner becomes the reason of day by day increasing frustration in the other. This loneliness and longingness for love and time has become the raging cause for extra marital affairs and break-ups.

Apart from these there are countless reasons for an unsuccessful marriage as every person has a different tale to tell, but above all remember that “No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive storm together”. If you have even a slight intention or little hope left to keep your relationship alive then just reflect upon certain questions and try to find answers to them.

For how much time in a day you connect lovingly to your partner?

If you have a busy schedule, wake up a bit earlier, spend time hugging, cuddling, discussing things and reaffirming love for each other. Often we don’t have time or think it is not essential to express ourselves but it indeed is very crucial.

When did you last complement each other?

 Everyone likes praise and when it comes from our loved ones, it becomes more special. When it is done in private it is a loving gesture which makes the other feel wanted and appreciated and when done in public it boosts up the confidence and imbibes the feeling of pride.

How much weight did you put on after marriage? Are you spending enough time on your looks and appearance?

Often after marriage we don’t spend much time and effort on our physique, appearance and grooming. This often leads to deviation of interest and extra marital affairs. Wear the outfits and colours of your partner’s choice and also follow a regular health and beauty regime.

Are you aware of the Likes, Dislikes and Preferences of your spouse?

No one is perfect but there is always a room for improvement. Be your self- critic, reflect on your shortcomings and make effort to change yourself in a positive manner. Also surprise your loved ones with gifts and other accolades on occasions or otherwise. Remember a candle light dinner is not a bad idea to rejuvenate the lost love.

At which position do you find yourself on the scale of Fidelity?

It is indeed an important prerequisite for any marital relationship to survive. Be loyal and committed. No one can tolerate or will happily share his or her love with a third person.

How often do you call and ask about the whereabouts of your partner?

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. We often hear people arguing for space and that they are suffocating in their relationship. Either of the partners is over possessive or sceptic. A minute to minute reporting makes the other irritated. Have trust and believe in your love bond. If something is bothering you the best way is to discuss. Also get yourself engaged in activities of your interest so that your mind doesn’t drift to trivial matters.

I would conclude here with an advice that marital relationship is like a house. When a candle blows out of storm or strong wind you don’t change the house as its dark in there but you ignite the candle again. Whenever you think of breaking a relationship, think about the love that sustained it till so far. 

Drive your relationship by your heart, Not by your brain! ( Arjun Gaur)

Written By - Arjun Gaur

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