Do Adults That Experienced Trauma As a Child Have a Tendency Towards Higher Emotional Intelligence?

Written by Sarah Christ 31 May 2019

A class assignment on emotional intelligence spurred this thinking. It's a topic that's interested me for quite some time and I decided to put my own thoughts in writing. Our topic has to do with EI in leaders/the workplace, but I've been fascinated with whether adults from traumatic upbringings have a higher level of emotional intelligence. Please understand I did not conduct research. These are my personal thoughts, feelings, and opinions:

I've been incredibly interested in the impact of childhood trauma on the level of emotional intelligence for years. When developing in a traumatic situation whether that be physical abuse, mental, emotional, sexual, neglect or a combo of some or all, a child learns to ‘read’ and monitor every nuance of their caregivers behavior: their mood, changes in touch, abrupt movement, changes in tone of voice, multifaceted facial expressions. This vigilance includes learning all the environmental cues, as well. Minute observations of situations, events, people, and any conditions that may trigger chaos become first priority. It happens naturally, because as children we are subconsciously "protecting" ourselves even though we don't realize it and many of us go on into adulthood never realizing we did this and by default continue to. Sadly this brain over activity creates a pattern of hyper-vigilance that manifests as a distrust of people, unfamiliar situations and the random events in the environment, whatever the environment may be. Therefore, reading people, assessing motives, observing patterns of behavior becomes a ‘default’ mode for the traumatized brain. The positive implications to this early hardship, is the development of fast intuition, sharp insight, empathy, personal/social intelligence and the ability to relate easily to others. My hypothesis is that children that grew up exposed to trauma have higher emotional intelligence in the particular areas of empathy, social skill, and motivation. Motivation because facing challenges is almost the standard for such an individual, they already understand hardship. Unflagging energy because often there's a sense of having to prove that they're "good enough" and it's not usually for the sake of money. This can be healthy if it's to prove to oneself that he/she is good enough, but can become unhealthy when trying to remedy failed parent/child relationships that they had no control over through the validation of others-through "proving." Optimism in the face of failure because of having to deal with many disappointments growing up; they're already accustomed to failure whether real or perceived. This type of person naturally embodies empathy due to their perceived need to survive as a child having learned to read, gauge, adjust and accommodate others feelings/needs in order to be cared for. The fast intuition, insight, empathy and ability to relate to others leads to a high level of social skill. Being able to identify with others allows this person to effectively lead a team and I suspect because they are not only capable of rallying the team as whole, but because they can identify what motivates and will effectively lead each individual person. 

This type of person will certainly need assistance with self-awareness and self-regulation because typically developing in a traumatic environment lends itself to wrongly categorizing ones emotions and inappropriately responding. The reason for this is because they simply did not learn from their caretakers what response is appropriate to given situations. The hallmarks of a self-aware person are self-confidence, realistic self-assessment, self-deprecating sense of humor, and a thirst for constructive criticism. Developing in a traumatic environment, needless to say, is not conducive to creating confidence in a child and this often perpetuates on into adulthood, typically showcased as insecurity, a heightened sense of importance or more realistically an oscillation back and forth between the two. It's also difficult for this person to have an ability for realistic self-assessment because they’ll likely be assessing themselves against the negative internal dialog that's become embedded from the years of trauma. It’s not that they cannot be open to constructive criticism, it’s that it will naturally feel like a personal attack because that is how their brain developed to receive feedback. Self-regulation is a struggle due to not having learned how to self-regulate from one's caregivers and on a deeper level actually alters the body’s physiological responses that can be long term affects. 

All of this to say, it is my humble opinion that children of traumatic environments naturally have a higher level of emotional intelligence because I can see how they naturally satisfy 3 out of the 5 pillars that constitute EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill. I believe this type of person through proper mentor-ship, assistance, self-study, therapy, and whatever else can round out their emotional intelligence and go on to be extraordinary leaders.

Sarah Christ is law enforcement professional in the California Army National Guard and currently serving in support of OEF. She is a Care Advisor at Coast Care Partners providing non-medical home care and care management solutions. She continues to serve fellow Veterans and the elderly as the Founder and Chairman of the Board of Vets For Elders, Inc., a nonprofit focused on providing companionship and healthcare advocacy solutions to low-income elders through job creation for active service members, Veterans, and military spouses. Vets For Elders brings together these two demographics in a mutually beneficial way. A New Mission Has Begun.™