Do Matchmaking Services really work? This is what I have observed in my 20+ years of coaching….

Matchmaking services have been around since the dawn of time and many of my clients ask me if they should hire one. Essentially they are asking me, "Is a matchmaker worth the money?"  

Also, over a couple dozen times a year I talk to a prospective client who has had an experience with a matchmaking service or individual.

I’ve learned that they have spent from $15,000 to over $35,000 (One of my clients spent $85K) on matchmaking services that promised to introduce them to their true love partner. Initially, they are excited about the possibilities, however, the results end up being disappointing at best.

So is a matchmaker worth the money?  In most cases, no.

Clients are presented with a couple of matches that are not at all what they expected. The quality of the people they are introduced to is below their expectations or the "match" is a complete miss. And several times they are left waiting for weeks/months for a qualified match and don’t seem to hear from the service. Many times the client has to reach out to the matchmaker to inquire, "Do you have anyone for me?"

They see their investment go down the toilet and far too many end up in tears wishing they had not "invested" in a matchmaker.

Don’t believe me? Go to the Better Business Bureau, Yelp, and other online sources to check out any matchmaking service you may be considering using.

In over 20 years of coaching hundreds of singles who are looking for a long-term relationship or marriage partner, only two clients have gotten married through a traditional matchmaking service. Not great odds if you ask me.

Here’s a statistic to put it in perspective: Over 80% of my successfully coupled clients have met their partners through an online dating site or app. And about 30% of all US marriages come from online dating sites now.

When Lilly came to me, she was in her late 40’s, divorced with no kids. She was about to plunk down $5000 for a dating site that offered matchmaker services.

Fortunately, she had the good sense to come to a certified professional life and relationship coach beforehand.  She worked with me through the Motivated to Marry(R) Dating Secrets program and signed up for my 6-month private Diamond coaching package. In that package, I review and edit my client’s online profile.

In one of our first coaching sessions, we discussed her critical relationship values and she was able to discover what she really needed to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. This was a big "AH HA!" moment for her. After we updated her online profile and clarified her goals and desires, she met her now husband on that site, within 4 months of coaching!

I can share so many client stories of how the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets Coaching System helped them meet that special person.

Recently I had a conversation with Matthew, a heart-centered recently divorced dad in his 50’s with teenage kids. Unfortunately, he had already signed a $5000+ contract for a matchmaking service and was no longer in a position to afford the coaching, although he seemed very interested. And given his lack of knowledge around dating, coaching would have really served him to get on the right path, especially after a divorce.

Three months later, I checked back with Matthew to see how things were going with his matchmaking pursuits. He was disillusioned and very upset with himself. The matchmaking service did not introduce him to any women who were up to his standards and he felt he had wasted his money.

Then there’s Ken. A divorced dad in his 40’s, Ken came to coaching with me after trying different matchmaking services for 9 years!  They just weren’t listening to him about the kind of woman he was looking for.  He decided to try the Motivated to Marry Coaching and within 3 months, he met his now wife on a major dating site.  

Let me share with you why Motivated to Marry dating and relationship coaching works so much better to help you find love than looking to matchmaking services:

1. You are the best expert on what you want and need to be happy in a relationship. Who is best to pick someone who meets your needs and requirements?

2. With coaching you will be communicating the right information to your prospective mate since you will have done the deep inner work necessary to pinpoint who would be the right partner for you. You will be able to share your critical relationship values and life vision with any person you date so that early on, you can make sure you are on the same page. Without coaching, you may end up in a cycle of being matched again and again, with the same kind of person who hasn’t been working out.

3. Finding a Soulmate works better when you are looking at dating in the context of your whole life. We get you so clear on who is the right person for you to meet. This is the essence of who this person is, not superficial stuff like height or hair color! We can access both your inner mindset roadblocks and the external, currently-beyond-your-control, roadblocks that are keeping you from meeting your mate. Many times other areas in your life need to shift before you are truly ready for a life partner.

4. Online dating gives you access to so many more people! There is no way your matchmaker has that many people in their database. Ask them how many people they have in your age range that are active in their database. Then ask them how many of those people are paying the thousands of dollars that you are. And if you have to limit your search to a certain geographic area, this number is much smaller.

5. You are spending a fortune to work with these Matchmaking services, but most of the candidates the matchmaker presents to you are not paying a penny! These candidates don’t have as much invested in the process as you do. If you’re not exactly what they think they’re looking for, then they have no incentive for a second date. I recommend you ask your matchmaker about how many paid clients they currently have in your age range (of the particular sex you are interested in that are paying the same amount of money as you are.)

6. It can be intimidating (and a lot of pressure) for someone to know that you are spending this kind of money to find a mate. Especially if you are a female who is using a matchmaker. I’ve seen many men scared off when they realize my female client is using a matchmaking service.

7. Matchmaking services work best for men in their late 40s to early 50s, and women in their mid-30s to early 40s who have the goal of getting married and having a family. Especially when time is a critical issue. I don’t recommend it if you’re outside that range.  

8. People who come to coaching are willing to learn and grow as individuals. That is much more attractive to a potential partner. Those who use a matchmaker want other people to do the work and the screening for them. Many of these people have not taken a hard look at why they are not meeting people on their own. The very reason that a person is not connecting with someone for a long-term relationship when trying to meet people on their own, is not going to be any different when they go on a date set up by a matchmaker. There has been no change in their approach or development of their self-awareness. For dating, one needs to understand the mechanics of how people connect!

9. Coaching provides accountability and ongoing support for the client. Coaching involves regularly scheduled meetings throughout the month, scheduled in advance. How many people can your matchmaker truly be serving at one time? Will you have his or her full attention? And if a great candidate comes along, will you be matched or will they offer the match to another person working with the matchmaking service? And will they offer that potential match to more than one client at a time? If so, then are you actually competing with their other clients for available candidates? Whose responsibility is it for following up with you and how often are you going to hear from them about any possible new matches?

10. Most matchmakers don’t have any professional coach training. Would you go to a lawyer who didn’t go to law school and pass the bar? Would you go to a therapist who didn’t get her or his license or graduate degree? Did you know that most certified matchmakers go to 3-day training to get their certification at a conference for Matchmakers?  There is no real coach training.  

Most certified professional life coaches are trained for over 100 hours and then are required to take an extensive exam to be certified. I went to Coach Training Institute for almost 2 years. I passed both my Coach Training Institute exam and the International Coach Federations exam to get my CPCC and PCC certifications. These are both highly respected certifications in the coaching profession. And then I got further training from the Center of the Right Relationship. All this is over 100 hours of coach training. Ask your Matchmaker about their specific training and certifications and what that entailed. And are they even married themselves?

The problem that occurs with matchmaking services is two-fold:

1. Most of my clients need to do the inner work first before they are actually ready to meet their true love partner. The coaching makes sure that they are looking for the right person and helps them gain a greater understanding of who would be a good partner for them first and foremost. But if they just went to a matchmaker, they wouldn’t have changed anything: themselves or who they think they are looking for. Many times there needs to be a refinement of who you are attracting and figure out who really is the right match for you.

2. If you do find someone that you feel has potential, the matchmaker does not have the interest, nor the skills, to help you with moving the relationship to exclusivity and eventually to engagement (If that's your goal!). They're looking for their next matchmaking client.  

Once most of my clients are in a relationship, they have benefited greatly from our coaching to help them progress to a greater level of commitment and to make sure they get their needs met in this new relationship. Since my clients value the life coaching approach to relationships, many continue coaching for an average of a year or more to get support in all areas of their lives (career too!).

As I mentioned, in the 20 years that I’ve been coaching, only two clients have been successful in meeting their spouse or partner with the help of a matchmaking service. The one that is married had been coaching with me for about six months when she was introduced to her husband. 

Because of the coaching, she was able to recognize him to be a good candidate for her. Her matchmaker was given a list of her values that we created in her values clarification session, as well as other pertinent information that described the type of man she desired to meet. She was in her early 40s and still wanted to have a family, which as I mentioned, is one of the perfect clients for matchmakers. Even after she met her man, she continued to coach with me for about 2 years and after her engagement to help her through the issues they faced early in her relationship that they needed to work through. 

The proven Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets process has been working for my clients for over 20 years. I’d love you to have the benefit of that knowledge and experience BEFORE you consider working with a matchmaker. During the coaching, I will discuss if a client’s chances are good for utilizing a matchmaking service or if it will be a complete waste of money.  And I'll give you the must-know questions you need to ask a matchmaker before signing up.  

I have had many clients who met their mates through their own efforts with some coaching support and my guidance. Coaching is the best way I know to increase your odds of helping you achieve your goal.  And, I know this from personal experience.

I met my husband when I was working with a coach. At 40 I had signed up for two matchmaking services. Yes, I was motivated. I wanted to get married and have a family in the worst way. However, I didn't meet my husband through a matchmaking service although I did plunk down considerable money to try.

I met my husband on my own. With my coach, I developed a strategy so I wouldn’t waste time dating the wrong men.  And it was my coach who suggested I give my now husband a second look. I almost missed him!

It was my coach who encouraged me to look further and to challenge my limiting beliefs and assumptions about him. Then, when I met Alan, we met with my coach and he helped us get to the place where we would be ready to consider marriage.

So my recommendation to you is to seek out a professional life and relationship coach who specializes in dating and relationships. Someone with experience and who has helped hundreds get to that place. Someone who has been married and knows what it takes to make a relationship work. Someone who has a good grasp of the dating landscape - how to meet people both online and face-to-face.

If you needed an attorney, you wouldn’t hire a law student would you? You would hire the best attorney you could. Finding your mate is one of the most important decisions in your life. Don’t leave it to an amateur.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen many smart people be taken by the lure of having matchmaking services do the leg work for them. And the end results were disappointing, if not devastating.

So are matchmaking services worth the money?

Frankly, not for most people.

You can find love! Instead of relying on a matchmaking service, I can show you how to simplify your dating efforts so you can find that special person sooner rather than later. And you will feel empowered to take this positive action on your own behalf.

I hope you’ll consider the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets relationship coaching to help you identify and connect with your true love partner.

I’ve got your back,

Coach Amy 

PS.  Let’s get you ready for the New Year dating opportunities! Reach out and you’ll be thrilled you took this step forward towards a coupled life.